


Snap Back To Reality Book 2

by jaz_hop



Series: Snap Back To Reality [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Anko being annoying but cute, BAMF Hatake Kakashi, Canon-Typical Violence, Clan Politics, Creepy Orochimaru (Naruto), Dubious Ethics, Dubious Morality, Dubious Science, Expect death as usual, Hina being stupid, Konohagakure | Hidden Leaf Village, Might Guy being a good bro to everyone, Moral Ambiguity, Multi, Not a power fantasy, Orochimaru Being Orochimaru (Naruto), Post-Third Shinobi War, Third Shinobi War, Unsafe Experiments, Unsafe Scientific Practices, Village Politics, as usual, realistic power scaling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:40:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 53,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27946172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaz_hop/pseuds/jaz_hop
Summary: What happens when you find out the end-all to your life wasn't your revenge? When you come to understand that you don't know what comes next? Life often continues whether or not a chapter ends, and Hina is finding out that the unknown can be both beautiful and terrifying. She died chocking on a vegetable, and was reborn in a twist of fate named after the thing that killed her. Certainly life couldn't get weirder than that... right?
Series: Snap Back To Reality [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036641
Comments: 144
Kudos: 182





	1. Chapter 1

Snap Back To Reality 53

* * *

"No one else is here, huh," Anko huffed.

"There was no one else he really knew," Rui pointed out.

I placed a crane flower next to the tombstone. I had paid for it of course and so Kusari's remains were allowed to rest besides my parents rather than the mass grave that was being built for the many unnamed ROOT agents that had recently died.

"We’re the only people he would have wanted to come," I replied with a frown.

Besides the people here to bury the casket, no one else asides from my team had come. I hadn't told anyone about Kusari, not that I physically could. Talking about him openly made my throat clench up and a sting of debilitating guilt to overcome me. In the end I couldn't save him... not really.

"The Crane flower is a good choice," Rui said, putting a hand on my shoulder to comfort me as I watched the casket drop down. "Let him, in death be free."

I nodded numbly and before long it was time to put the first soil on top. I grabbed a handful of dirt and dropped it on the coffin and both Anko and Rui did the same after. I gestured for the worker to cover it up and he did. It wasn't good luck to cry at a funeral and so we all held in our grief and watched as the coffin was entirely covered up.

"He was a good friend," Rui mumbled.

"The best," I agreed.

"We won't forget him you know, but I doubt he'd be the type to want us to whine over him for a long time," Anko said softly.

"No, he really would," I disagreed.

"What?"

I pulled out a bag full of all the romance novels I had given him over the years. It really should have been in his possession for his future library or something equally as banal.

"He just acted aloof and uncaring, but he really enjoyed the drama. The longer we cry over him the more entertained he'd be in the afterlife," I explained sardonically.

"Don't give me a reason to," Rui grumbled as he wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

"The funerals practically over. You can do it as much as you want now," I replied, pulling him into a hug.

Anko joined in on the unusual group hug and Rui finally let out his tears. I couldn't bring myself to cry. A familiar numbness had settled in. All this pain over the years had drained all the tears from me. It felt like from now on I could only cry in relief rather than sadness. I had a feeling Kusari would have preferred that… well for me anyway. I was sure he was enjoying Rui’s display of grief wherever he was.

It wasn't until an hour in that both Rui and Anko decided they would leave. I shook my head when they asked if I would go with them. I... I wanted to read him his favourite book today and so I sat down and flipped the pages of Suna Suna Romance.

"Hey Kakashi," I greeted.

Said boy jumped down from a nearby tree and strolled over to me, hands in pocket, a sad look in his eyes.

"How did you know I was here? I hadn't told anyone other than my team about the funeral," I asked.

"I know that look," he explained.

He knew what look... I fumbled a little in realisation and felt my chest drop a little. I didn't want to believe it, but the fact that I had neither seen Rin nor Obito with everyone else spoke volumes. So what the Hokage had said was true... and things didn't change as much as I had hoped.

"Obito and Rin?" I asked, with a frown.

"Dead," he replied softly as he took a seat beside me.

The fact that he was hiding his left eye under his hitaite meant more than a simple accident now. I had initially thought it was because he lost his eye like in the story... but that didn't mean Obito would die. To think his Sharingan was in there now. I hadn’t known Obito too well, but I had played with him and Rin on the occasion as children. It felt alien to think of them as casualties of war and of Obito as some kind of pawn to a madman.

"Can I ask... how?"

"It was my fault... Rin was captured and to save me, he pushed me out of the way."

I grit my teeth together. That idiot! Why had I spent a whole day teaching him the body flicker technique if he wasn't going to use it? I wondered if maybe that wouldn't have helped. If maybe he was too low on chakra, but for something like this to happen in the exact same way... what was going on?

"I'm sorry for coming here to give you more bad news," Kakashi sighed.

"It’s ok. I need to know... and Rin?" I asked.

"She..."

Kakashi's hands began to shake and his pupil contracted. I held his hand and shook my head to tell him he didn’t have to continue. I knew that look. The look you had when all you could see was the phantom blood of your loved ones on your hands. I didn't need him to voice it to know exactly what had happened. I was foolish. My mission had taken me out months away when crucial events were happening back in Konoha. It wouldn't have mattered much to me, if it weren't for the fact that it happened to Kakashi. But I had taught Obito the technique for body flicker in the limited time I was allowed. That at least should have saved him... unless Madara and Zetsu's planning had changed to procure the same results. That made sense for Rin, but it really didn’t explain how Obito hadn’t been able to escape the rock slide.

"I never told anyone about this," I began softly, "but when I killed my own mother, I tried to make it quick. I used the wind blade and I... went straight through her," I said my throat feeling dry at the admission as I made the motion with my palm.

I could almost imagine it so vividly again. My kaasan's look of pain and love in her eyes as I killed her. I was so caught up in the memory I had almost forgotten that Kakashi was sitting next to me. I had no idea what I meant to accomplish by telling him this. The blood would never wash of. The years would gradually numb the pain, but the shame of your actions would follow like an eternal stain. There was no good way out of it.

"Gaku-sensei told me that I had to take my failures like my victories. It’s hard to do when your failures cost you the life of a precious person though," I said looking at the tombstone.

"It is," Kakashi whispered.

I put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a tired smile. He looked back, too young, too small to be going through this kind of grief. But Kakashi was always strong. He lost everything and he still stayed strong despite it all. There were still people here who hadn't given up on him like they hadn't for me, and despite how much I wanted to leave this village full of terrible memories, I couldn't for them. They were both my stronghold and my chains.

"I was reading Kusari his favourite novel. Want to listen?" I asked.

Kakashi nodded, and I opened the book once again and began reading.

* * *

The funeral had ended, I didn’t want to go home, and so I found myself drinking sake in Orochimaru's cleared out lab. There was no one here and Orochimaru rarely came down this way. This was the only place I knew where I could really hurt myself properly in solitude. Though today there didn’t seem to be any torment and it was a lot more peaceful here than I wanted. Now that all the prisoners weren't here sitting in their own defecation and sickness, it was left clean and empty. Their moans of crying and pain still seemed to echo through the walls like a ghost though.

"I was a really terrible person, wasn't I? To think I spent so much time cleaning up after you guys... now you're all gone," I chuckled as I poured myself another cup. "What if I end up one of those typical self-loathing types? The kind that drinks away their depression and cracks terrible jokes to cover up the pain... nah that only looks cool if you're a rugged looking middle-aged man in a trench coat. If a little girl did it, it would just be depressing—not cool at all."

"What are you murmuring about in here?"

"O-Orochimaru-sama!" I said in surprise as I spilled half the bottle by accident.

I cursed as I tried to pick it up and my half-drunk mind already went to ignoring the man and pouring myself another drink. To my dismay it was quickly snatched from my hands.

"Hey! Give it back," I protested.

Orochimaru threw the perfectly good bottle of sake away and kneeled down in front of me, grabbing me by my scalp and forcing me to face him. I felt a little prickle of familiar fear at his irritated expression.

"You gonna torture me again?" I chuckled.

"How much did you drink?" he asked.

"About 10 bottles. Too much poison resistance—stupid body," I complained.

"Either you snap out of this now or I'll put you in another Genjutsu I've been meaning to experiment on," Orochimaru threatened.

I sniffled and then chuckled despite the shiver that ran through my body. Liquid courage they called alcohol. I could see why.

"Ok sounds like fun. Let's try it."

He snorted in exasperation. "It's not nearly as fun torturing you when you want it. Now come on."

This must have been a hallucination because Orochimaru mumbled something about 'masochists' before he put one of my arms around his shoulder and picked me up. Yup this was definitely a dream. Orochimaru wasn't this nice. Was he? I snuggled my face into his neck and nearly feel asleep to the gentle jostling of his stride when I was suddenly, and very harshly thrown onto a hard chair. I woke up startled to see the man putting a needle into my arm. I tried to jerk away and found my hands clamped to the armchair.

"W-what?"

"I have a feeling you came here to punish yourself for some inane reason or another. So I've decided you don't get that pleasure. This is a machine I've made that extracts toxins and poisons out of the bloodstream slowly and painfully... mmm so a bit of a punishment still but you'll survive. Have fun getting sober," he said smiling as he patted my cheeks and strolled out.

"No wait! Aghhhh Orochimaru! Don't be mean!"

* * *

I found myself kneeling down in front of a very irritated Sannin, feeling entirely too much like a chastised naughty child... with a killer headache and pins and needles all over my body.

"Now pray tell why you would think it's a good idea to come in here, drink yourself into a stupor and waste my time?" Orochimaru asked darkly.

I shrank a little at his death stare. Ugh... why had I? I had just missed drinking a little and then suddenly it had gotten out of hand. Maybe the idea of losing it a little sounded nice considering everything seemed to be pushing in on me now, from all my failures, to my worries about what Inoichi and the Hokage saw in my mind, to the war, Shikaku's betrayal, and Madara now getting his hands on Obito. I really did need a break. Plus it’d been too long since I’d been wasted. I thought I deserved it… although I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it was an unhealthy way to let loose.

"I will not do it again," I said instead.

"Good, next time I won't be so nice, but since you're here anyway I need to talk to you. As you've probably already noticed, I've transferred all my illegal experimentation to my hidden base in the Land of Rice. Hiruzen is onto me, and although I managed to evade notice in the Danzo incident—"

"—That’s why you didn't summon Manda," I grumbled accusingly.

I scowled a little. So he really was also just using me to take the brunt of the fall when it came down to it. I had suspected of course but it still annoyed me that he did it. A part of me was still kind of in awe of how he managed to be so slimy to save his own skin. He smiled a little angrily at my interruption and I mimed zipping my lips.

"—I'm still under suspicion by association. Not to mention I heard word that Inoichi got his hands on you."

"It doesn't matter what he saw if he can't find evidence," I retorted. “Not that I think he saw anything important anyway.”

Well technically it did matter but I had a feeling if he saw my past life’s memories of reading a story on this world, then I would already be locked away in a deep, deep cell having my mind prodded by every single Yamanaka in the clan. Considering I was very much free, I had a feeling Inoichi only saw snippets of my current life, nothing too incriminating when it came to Orochimaru, and the only reason my mind was considered a low-tier secret was because of the fact that I was a confirmed reincarnation.

"Yes, but it does make my work a little harder to get to," Orochimaru replied.

"Do you have a plan?" I asked.

"Of course," he said idly.

"You want to be Hokage, don't you?" I asked.

He narrowed his eyes and finally looked straight at me. He did. It was a stupid idea. Not only would he be a terrible Hokage, but it would hamper his ability to do research unless he appointed someone to take care of the incredibly time-consuming task of running a military and a village whilst hiding his research at the same time. He’d be better of going Nuke to get what he wanted. At most he’d get more Sharingan eyes out of it… although now thinking about it, Orochimaru with experimentally evolved Sharingan eyes was a scary thought that should never become reality.

"You disagree?" he asked.

I nodded, feeling way too courageous today for it to be normal. I had a feeling if I was any other underling, he would kill me here and now.

"Konoha expects its Hokage to adhere to a certain morale code that you will not follow, not to mention it would take time away from your research, but I know you've already thought about this."

"Of course I have, and to begin my work I need to know I have your full support."

I tried not to falter in appearance because Orochimaru never really had my full support. He was always just a convenience, a convenience I regretted growing emotionally attached to. That was entirely my fault. Using him to get back at Danzo, had been necessary, but he had used me too. There was a level of commitment here, but not enough for me to lay my life down for him, not like I would for my family and friends... right?

"I am your assistant, aren't I?" I asked wryly.

"You can't fool me little neonate. You're no assistant yet. You're too soft," he said derisively.

"I don't understand why you keep my around then," I sighed.

Orochimaru ignored that question and pulled out a box.

“You ignore your own potential. One step at a time, I’ve been making you see what you can accomplish if you simply shed your tiresome chains. Behind all that morality is a brain I want to tap into, and there is no way out of it for you now,” he said, with that same scientific gleam in his eyes.

So he wanted an assistant… but also something _more_? I couldn’t pin down his motives. How unusually ambiguous of him. There was a safety in his predictability and understanding his logic, but right now there was none of that. There was something he wasn’t telling me, certainly some bigger plan he had made up without my knowledge or consent. He and Danzo seemed to have that at least in common. I narrowed me eyes as he unwrapped the wooden box and pulled out a paintbrush and a smaller box inside. What was he getting at?

"What is it?" I asked.

"During the First and Second Shinobi war many Clans died out. The death of my Shinobi parents ended the line of the Mizuchi Clan. This was a tradition passed down to the children of the Clan. A chakra eye tattoo marking, and earrings which are a signifier of our Clan."

When Orochimaru turned around and smiled, I felt like he was marking me too. I almost visibly snorted at that. While it could be taken as a visible sign of ownership, it was nothing in comparison to a fucking seal that made you wish for death on activation... and I knew in the future that these tattoos would link my identity intrinsically to his. He really wanted me to be his, didn’t he?

What specifically did he want from me? Was it because I was his student, or for some other nefarious purpose?

The Orochimaru I read of in the story had never cared for anyone else. He definitely didn't care about me—maybe not in the traditional way, but a part of me did begin to understand him. For a man who preached overcoming human boundaries, he sure was intrinsically tied to his human nature. The fact that his twisted mind treated me like progeny was maybe simply because a student was akin to an experiment to him, and I was a successful experiment. So in a way I had fulfilled his criteria. The only thing he needed me for was my mind and now apparently also this ambiguous science experiment of his perfected student.

I contemplated turning it down, but I had a feeling that would result in an ass kicking I’d rather not receive right now with my skull crushing headache. I still refused to be owned though. It was one thing to maybe carry the mantle in the future, but it was another to be forever a lackey in the shadows. I didn’t have much self-respect left but I had at least enough to grow some balls for this one occasion.

"I'll take it, but you should know that a student is never meant to forever follow their master. At some stage I'll be a master of my own," I challenged.

"If the time comes and you defeat me, I'll accept that. Until then you've forfeited your body to me," Orochimaru chuckled. "Now do you accept these gifts?"

"I do Orochimaru-shishou."

* * *

I stabbed the daikon radish a little too hard with the knife. Somehow the fact that I drank so much and managed only to be drunk for an hour was a travesty. Orochimaru shouldn't have even been there today. He's never there usually at that time of day.

"Orochimaru- _shishou_ , what a fucking mouthful," I grumbled in distaste.

"What's a fuck-hing mouthful?"

I was startled once again and cursed my insane headache for the fact that a bloody 4-year-old managed to sneak up on me. Thankfully, I caught Taichi's scent before he came in, so I didn’t startle again for the second time.

"Hey! Hey nee-chan, what’s a 'fucc'—moughhhhmmph!" Tsukiya nagged before I managed to shut his mouth in time for Taichi to walk in with the groceries.

He sent me a glare and I laughed nervously. I'd never live this down. After taking a moment to grieve at my misfortunate day, I turned back to the radish and felt the grief come crashing right back. It was just like before. One moment I felt apathetic to the world, like I wasn't even in my body and then suddenly I could feel too much at once.

"Nee-chan just murdered the radish!" Tsukiya tattled.

"You know you don't have to cook. You just came back," Taichi sighed as he put away all the vegetables into the fridge.

"I know, I know, but I wanted a bit of normal," I sighed.

"Cooking is boring! Let's play!" Tsukiya pouted.

I was surprised when Matsu came in holding a big brown paper bag full of meat and all different kinds of mushrooms.

"What’s with all the food?" I asked.

"Didn't you tell her?" Matsu asked Taichi before he continued, "We were going to celebrate well... actually we were just meant to celebrate you coming back, but now we're also celebrating the fact that you're necks still intact. So it's family hot-pot night," Matsu said in his normally crass way.

"Wait did you put on make-up?" Taichi asked, staring into my face.

"Ahh no... it's a tattoo," I muttered.

"And earrings too?" Matsu whistled. "I guess when you brush death that closely you'd want to go a little wild and live a little."

"That’s not—ugh! Never mind... why don't we just start cooking?" I asked gesturing to the kitchen.

"What happened to the radish?" Matsu asked.

"Nee-chan shouted 'fuck-hing mouthful!' and then beat the radish to death with her kunai!" Tsukiya replied excitedly.

There was a long stretch of painful silence before Matsu doubled over laughing and Taichi's glare got ice-cold as he pulled up his sleeves and got out the spatula.

"Are you asking for a punishment?" Taichi said in a dangerously low voice.

I ran behind the dining table to use it as a buffer. Dammit Taichi was too scary when he entered evil parent mode!

"No! I swear Tsuki-chan was just exaggerating things! He heard another word. Fuu…rolocking—that’s right I said frolicking!"

"Do you take me for a fool?"

"Aghh don’t hurt me! I'm so sorry!"

I got off with a rather painful whack on the head and then decided I'd never ever swear in front of Tsukiya again. Thankfully Taichi seemed to go back to normal and Matsu was oddly good in the kitchen along with him.

"Is Mebuki coming?" I asked holding the bump on my head and trying desperately to change the subject.

"No, she's pregnant right now," Taichi said with a smile.

"What really! Did she get married?"

"Yeah she got married to a merchant named Haruno Kizashi. They're so sure it's going to be a girl; they already got a name ready. Sakurai or something," Matsu replied.

"Wait Haruno?" I asked in disbelief. "Does this man have pink hair?"

"Yeah, you know him?" Matsu asked.

Kami, what was even going on? Sakura never had any siblings in the story, and to think Mebuki was her mother! Also they were going to have Sakura a few years too early and her name was going to be Sakurai? Heck, she might not even be a she at this stage. What if they gave birth to a boy? Had my existence just erased Sakura's existence???

"You seem a little pale. Maybe we should do this later," Taichi noted in concern.

"No, no, no! Let's do it today. I haven't seen you in 6 months and I refuse to miss another family dinner."

Yeah, I want to hear about you killing the bad guys!" Tsukiya said excitedly.

"Yeah!" Matsu agreed. "I um—I mean the parts you can actually tell us about."

I put on a strained smile and was about to nod when Taichi changed the subject. He sent me a knowing look before directing our small little family to work. He had interrupted on purpose seeing how uncomfortable I had become with the conversation and he had taken control. I felt my chest warm up a little as a smile took my face and I got to cutting the next radish a little more delicately. It seemed every month I was away Taichi would become more like dad... like a respectable man. A part of me still saw him as my little brother, but even though he was only 15, he truly did have the feel of a reliable adult.

Matsu though... yeah, he still acted like a 10-year-old. I snorted in amusement as Tsukiya began irritating our cousin. The two really had gotten close. By the end of the cooking, the kitchen had become a mess, but we had all managed to move to the futon with the hot-pot.

"So how did you manage to get your hands on all those apples? Didn't know they were that easy to import," I asked curiously.

Taichi lit up and then went on a very long narration about how Kizashi was a merchant with a lot of good connections and that now they had someone to give the apples to them exclusively from their limited stock. He looked rather proud of the fact that even the Akimichi hadn't managed this. I was actually rather surprised about how well the bakery was doing. Even the furnishings looked a lot better.

"Ha, kaasan and tousan are probably regretting kicking me out now," Matsu chuckled.

"They kicked you out?" I asked in shock. "Do you have a place to go?"

"I uh... I live here," he said awkwardly.

Oh right, a lot could happen in six months. Matsu looked panicked though, and considering I legally owned the house I could see why. If I wanted to, I could kick him out. Not that I would. He was family and I didn’t take that lightly.

"That's fine with me! I'm just surprised since you weren't here last night is all."

"I was at my boyfriend's place," he said with a dreamy look.

"Ewwww that's gross," Tsukiya said sticking out his tongue.

"When you're older you'll understand," Matsu said pointing his chopsticks accusingly at the kid.

"Eh what's this Tsuki-chan? You got a secret crush? Is that why you're in denial?" I asked with an evil chuckle.

"Nuh-uh, girls all have cooties! Why would you even want to kiss them. Gross! I'm gonna be single forever!" Tsukiya said, looking like he was entirely in too much denial about something or another.

Taichi shook his head and I raised my brow at him playfully. He sent me a confused look before his face turned red and he looked away. Matsu broke down in laughter.

"What's wrong Tai-nii? Got someone you're into?" I asked interested.

"Oh he's been making ogley eyes at the blacksmith's daughter for months now. She's quite the looker too, just about as tall as him but all dainty and cute?" Matsu snickered.

"Kami, do we have to discuss this?" Taichi asked trying to distract himself by grabbing some steak.

"What about you?" Matsu asked me.

"Me?" I asked back.

"Yeah, you've been out on a mission with your teammates, right? They're both quite the lookers," he said wiggling his eyebrows comically.

"But they're children," I said in disbelief.

"Huh, I swear I thought they were older than you," Matsu muttered.

"Ignore her. Hina seems to think everyone is younger than her," Taichi said rolling his eyes.

"That's because I'm the biggest big sister at heart," I defended.

Definitely not because counting my past life I was in my mid _40’s_ now…

"Yeah nee-chan is the biggest! Look at her muscles!"

Tsukiya grabbed onto my forearm and I raised my arm out of habit to block my face. It just served to throw him up as if he weighed nothing. Everyone stared in shocked silence and then Matsu laughed which just devolved the entire table. I was surprised by my own laughter and turned to see Taichi smiling warmly at me. I smiled back.

We continued in idle chatter, with Taichi expertly directing all conversation about war to something else and before long we had begun to finish cleaning up the dishes and putting the knocked out Tsukiya to bed after he demanded a jutsu show.

I pushed back my little brother's hair and pulled it up from behind his head and tied it so it wouldn't get on his face at night. He mumbled tiredly, yawned, and then blinked his eyes lazily shut.

"G'night nee-chan," he mumbled asleep.

I kissed his forehead in affection and turned to see Taichi waiting by the door. I gave Tsukiya one more pat on his forehead before I felt the lightness of the day's conversation leave me at Taichi's expression.

"I knew one day you'd want to talk," I sighed.

"The truth Hina. I want to know the truth about the night our parents died."

The guilt rolled in my stomach at his words, but I knew I had no choice now. There was no seal, there was no Danzo, and there would be no more lies... not to my brother... not even if he hated me for the rest of his life.

* * *

her chakra eye tats and earrings. This is a pic of her when she's 16 so that's why she looks a lot more mature than normal. To see the full image go to my instagram @jaz_hop!


	2. Chapter 2

Snap Back To Reality 54

* * *

I leaned by the windows where I had placed some privacy seals. Taichi looked as serious as he was imposing and for a non-shinobi that was rather impressive.

"Word is that you killed a traitorous Councilman and took down an entire sub-sect of the ANBU."

"So that's the general consensus huh. To think they got it down before the Hokage even made his formal speech on the incident," I mumbled, although considering how big the village was and the fact that most everyone in it were shinobi, it made sense that they'd somehow get the intel and spread it around.

"It's true then? There was more to that night, more to what happened. I always suspected you were hiding something, but I didn't want to question you. I always put my trust in you, so please tell me you had a reason... a _good_ reason."

I swallowed thickly and then nodded. I didn't have a reason to lie anymore and Taichi deserved to know the truth now.

"I didn't want to do it. It wasn't just kaasan I killed that night," I admitted reluctantly.

"What do you mean?" Taichi asked in visible pain.

"There was a kill order on both our parents. If I didn't carry it out, it would extend to you and Tsukiya and so I... I had to make it look like defence."

"You killed tousan?" Taichi asked breathless as he sat down.

I bowed my head in shame.

"You let me believe kaasan had gone mad and killed him," he hissed.

"That was information I couldn't disclose to you. You have to understand—you were just a—"

"—A _child_? Say that one more time, I dare you!"

"No, no you're right. You would have deserved the truth even if you were a child," I backtracked after wincing. "But it didn't matter what I wanted or what you wanted. I couldn't do it either way. For the better half of 4 years I had a curse seal on my tongue. Everyone in the organisation I was in was forced into one by Councilman Danzo. If activated, it could kill me. It was how I managed to take them down. I had studied for years to get rid of the seal," I explained hastily.

"Danzo—was he?"

I nodded. "He was the one who ordered the hit."

"This makes no sense. The Hokage wouldn't allow such a thing to happen to his own citizens, especially civilians. What could our parents have had that was worth their deaths?"

I winced at his question. There was nothing they had that was worth murder... nothing but the price to pay for my submission. This was all my fault in the end. I dragged them down with me.

"It wasn't them. It was me. I— this it was all my fault," I said, trying to keep my emotions in check but failing.

"I don't understand," Taichi pleaded.

"Our parents weren't involved in anything that would get them killed. It was simply the method that the Foundation used to ensure loyalty within its ranks. We would normally kill our partner, but they found my—my attachment to my family and instead leveraged your lives for my loyalty. But I could never do it... I could never kill my emotions," I said tiredly.

The shame was too much to bear. Taichi would hate me. He was well within his rights too. I was terrified to look up and meet his gaze, to see that hatred but I had to know. I hesitantly studied his eyes and all I could see was horror and anger. He no doubt hated me.

When he walked over to me next, I expected a punch to my face, a small price compared to what I had deserved. I would let him hurt me as much as he wanted. It was what I deserved, but it didn't come. Instead he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in.

"Why?" I asked, my confusion overtaking a part of my shame and grief.

"Why what?"

"W-Why don't you hate me?"

"They tortured you didn't they. For years they tortured you again and again. I should have seen it—the way you hate contact, how terrified you were of touch… for years you held all of this in and blamed yourself... Hina, you said I was just a child... then what were you, huh you idiot?"

"I was never a child," I whispered. "I can't use ignorance as an excuse."

"There are things beyond our control. I-If you didn't listen to Danzo then, maybe Tsukiya would never have been given the opportunity to grow up. Please—I've watched you suffer and suffer, don't hurt yourself more."

"How could I not? I-If I didn't exist Tsukiya would have parents. You would have parents," I said gritting my teeth feeling a familiar hatred well up.

"Here you go again! Blaming yourself. Dammit, do you want me to hate you, is that it?"

"It's what I deserve!"

"Then it's what you're getting," he snapped.

I stood back shocked at him raising his voice. Taichi never shouted. Even in his anger he was quiet. He seemed stressed and so he pushed his hair back and took in a few breaths to calm down.

"That's what you're getting because that's what you're giving yourself. No one hates you in this world more than you hate yourself, and I'm sick of it. What hurts me now isn't what you did to our parents, but what you're doing to yourself," he scowled, body shaking with repressed stress, and eyes glistening with tears.

I stepped back and pursed my lips, pushing back the way it threatened to tremble along with my hands. This sense of dread, this foreboding feeling clenching at my heart and pulled out my breath, it was suffocating. It was my shame. Such unbidden, unending shame. Why? Why did it never end?

"Y-you wouldn't understand," I hissed angrily. "You didn't drive a knife through tousan's chest! I did! You didn't rip through kaasan's heart! I did! So h-how could you ever understand the hatred I have?! You haven't even taken a life!"

I had shouted too and suddenly I found it hard to breathe and the trembling in my hands intensified. When I looked down it was dripping in blood. No this wasn’t good. I didn’t ever let myself dwell on these feelings. Nothing good ever came from feeling them. I should ignore them again, crack a joke and leave it at that, but when I looked at Taichi’s hard eyes I couldn’t.

There it was again the countless voices screaming in my head, begging for their lives, the lives I took in cold blood, and at the forefront of those voices were kaasan and tousan’s cries of pain. The sound of my heartbeat felt like thunder in my ears. The world was spinning.

"Hina—"

"I-I— I need t-to go."

My own words were jumbled in-between terribly quick breaths and I didn't even register having jumped out of the window until I was staggering through the rooftops and falling in-between the cracks. I hit my side painfully on the way down into the backstreet, but the pain barely registered through the panic. The voices didn't cease. It felt like they were trying to drown me in my wake.

I held my throat and heaved for air. My gasps came in short painful bursts, but it was increasingly harder to come in and before long I felt my peripheral vision blur. Then I passed out.

* * *

Why did my cheeks hurt? I blinked my eyes open to find Anko slapping my face. What? Why was Anko hitting me?

"Goddammit vege-senpai, do you have any secret hobbies I'm unaware of? Like falling asleep outside in some shady back-alley?"

“Wha-what?" I mumbled in irritation as I pushed her hands away from my face.

Then I got up and grimaced as my memories came crashing down on me. I groaned into my hands and prayed to whatever deity was up there that they could give me the power to erase memories. Had I just had a full-blown panic attack in front of Taichi? No, I was so stupid. This wasn't about me and I made it so. I should have been helping him but instead I overreacted and—

"—Hina, you're beginning to freak me out," Anko said worriedly.

"I—"

Before I could say anything else Taichi came running down into the ally out of breath. I was shocked when he pulled me into a hug again.

"Am I interrupting something?" Anko asked awkwardly.

Taichi ignored her completely as he shook my shoulder and ducked his head in frustration.

"Don't you ever run out on me like that again! I thought you were hurt or worse," he said hiding his face in my chest.

"Ok I was just coming here to relax and celebrate being alive, so I'm going to head off to a drama-free zone to do that," Anko huffed.

"You're Hina's team-mate, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Good. I give you permission to slap her when she's being an idiot."

"I don't need permission to do that. Who do you think I am?" she asked cracking a grin.

"I'm right here," I sighed in embarrassment.

"What actually even happened? Do I want to know?"

"No!" I said hastily. "Just an overreaction..."

"If that's what you call hyperventilating and jumping from a window in panic," Taichi said in distaste.

"A panic attack?" Anko asked raising a brow.

"I do not have those," I hissed in sudden aggravation before I got up and dusted myself of. "It's a onetime thing. Don't blow it up... I'm sorry for worrying you though Tai-nii, I won't do it again."

Taichi groaned in exasperation before he pulled away the tears in his eyes, got up and stormed of.

"Please take care of this idiot. I-I need to be alone," he said barely containing his anger and tears.

It was only after Taichi had stormed out of sight, and the guilt settled back in my chest, had Anko whistled in disbelief and turned to me.

"Family troubles huh?" she asked in a jovial there-there way.

I just responded with a deadpan stare. Couldn't she read the mood? I had just fucked up one of the most important conversations in my life and acted like a selfish prick the entire time. I should have held it together for Taichi. Instead he comforted me...

"Well time to go relax away from all this drama."

"What do you mean?" I sighed tiredly, unsure if I was mentally up to Anko's hijinks.

Anko chuckled as she pulled out a bag full of beer cans and other assorted alcohol. I looked in and raised a brow.

"This is probably not a good idea," I huffed.

"We survived a literal S rank suicide mission and you just murdered 350 people and got your dream revenge on some creepy old fucker. I see you've lived a little from your new tats and earrings but trying to be a sensei wannabe isn't how to have some fun."

"Sensei wannabe," I breathed out in indignation.

"You coming or not, or are you going to brood like some dark avenger who found out murder wasn't the end-all to their misery?"

I snorted and snatched a bottle from her. For someone who pretended to not care, Anko sure did pick things up.

"Anko you look really stupid, but sometimes I forget you aren't."

"Hey!"

I forced a laugh as I shot off onto the rooftop. Anko grumbled behind me as she tried to catch up.

"Take that back you little shit!" she shouted throwing a kunai at my back.

I dodged easily and poked my tongue out at her.

"Make me!"

* * *

It took an S rank mission, a monumental village betrayal, and me nearly ending up on the chopping block for our team to drink. A lot of Genin teams had abused their right to alcohol way before we did. Of course usually your Sensei would get involved at that stage and personally ban you, but I didn’t think Orochimaru cared enough for that… well at least he didn’t care about Anko or Rui doing it as much as he would for me. We found ourselves sitting on the top of the Hokage monument, too close to the edge for it to be safe as we passed around the sake.

"Puaaaah! That hits the spot," Anko said happily.

"Is this a good idea? Where did you even get so many bottles?" Rui asked.

Anko snorted at the question, her expression souring a little.

"Don't ruin the mood Rui. The person I took it from can go SUCK A DICK!" she shouted angrily, flipping of the sky before downing the entire can and crushing it.

"Wow they sound like fun," I chuckled as I downed another one.

“Ne, are you even drinking age yet Hina-chan?" Anko teased.

I grumbled in irritation. "You're only three years older. Are _you_ drinking age?"

"I've been drinking age since I was ten! You see it’s because you get to drink when you're an adult and I was so independent I did everything on my own by then," she said proudly.

"That sounds lonely," Rui said sadly.

"Fuck me. Don't tell me you're one of those mopey drunks?" Anko asked in irritation.

"Rui is always mopey. But you know what Anko. I became a Genin at 6 so technically I was an adult before you!" I laughed.

"Pfft what, did you come out of the womb an adult now?" Anko challenged.

"I did," I huffed. "Because I'm the goddamned reincarnation of an evil pharmacist who would extort sick people for money! Though it wasn't so bad... I had a wife."

"Your imagination is wild! That sounds like something a five-year-old would dream up," Anko retorted.

Rui just sighed, sipping his first cup slowly and zoning out. I turned to Anko and wanted to cry, but instead a bitter chuckle ripped from my throat as I leant back and looked at the stars. I was an adult, right? So why was I so emotional? Why couldn’t I control myself like I could in my past life? Why was this urge to go to Gaku and throw all my frustrations onto him so enticing? I was an adult. I was the one who was meant to comfort Taichi, not the other way around. Why did my body betray me like this?

"And even with a second life I managed to screw up too huh," I whispered.

"Dammit Hina! You're becoming mopey too. This was a bad idea. You two are boooh-ring," she grumbled, sticking her tongue out and making a disgusted face.

"I don't think it's so bad," Rui finally said.

"Of course you don't find it annoying. You're the king of moping,” she accused.

Rui sent Anko a raised brow and ignored her. I turned to him and realised he was really in no mood to celebrate. None of us were. I don't even think Anko wanted to celebrate, but she was just so used to putting on an indifferent facade that it stuck.

"It took this village betraying us for me to question," Rui muttered.

Anko froze and so did I. Were we really going there today? I thought we were meant to relax and all even if it was forced. It was unlike Rui to open up about his feelings too.

"Are we really going to stay here after our own Village tried to kill us and hide the evidence?" Rui asked bitterly.

"Where else would we go? Being a nuke-nin doesn't sound so fun. All that running away and hiding would get tiring very quickly. I also value my head being on my shoulders," Anko groaned.

"We wouldn't survive even if we did manage to escape for a bit," I said realistically.

If you wanted to desert, you needed another village's backing. If you didn't have that, you damn well sure needed to change your face entirely, or be strong enough to fight anyone in your way. Deserters barely lasted out there in the wild. There was a reason even someone as strong as Orochimaru had to join an S class criminal organisation to stay alive after running from Konoha.

"This Village feels suffocating," Rui admitted, as if a hidden frustration was finally coming out.

It sounded like an old wound. There was something that hurt him before even this mission. Anko who had been smiling before looked just as uncomfortable now, as if she too was thinking of something unsavoury, and for the first time since we became a team, I hated that I knew nothing about their pasts. Maybe if I opened up first, I could finally get to know a bit about them too.

"I still live in the house I killed my parents in," I admitted, ignoring the pain in my chest to open up to them a bit. "It feels like every day in there their ghosts are holding onto my neck, condemning me for what I did."

There was a silence and then Anko swore.

"Fuck," she whistled. "Well don't worry baby-senpai, I rarely feel safe at home either."

I looked at her for a second and then Anko scowled and looked away, as if embarrassed she had even spoken at all. It must have been the alcohol. I felt embarrassed that I had assumed they might open up if I had first. I knew it! I should have just kept my mouth shut and made a stupid joke like I normally did. Rui apparently noted what I was trying to do and spoke before I purposefully threw myself of the proverbial mountain.

"You could simply ask Hina-chan," he said sternly as usual. "I wasn't keeping my life a secret. I just assumed that neither of you were interested as you never asked. I've only recently been picking up your double meanings."

“No one asked you idiot! Ugh, why are we even doing this today?" Anko stuttered angrily.

"Because it seems you are determined to play our situation off for laughs to cope with it. It seems like an ill-advised temporary relief. This alcohol is only exacerbating things," he said bluntly.

Anko looked like she was about to stab Rui with her kunai right about now. I wondered if maybe I had opened a can of worms that was best left sealed, but before I could even intervene Rui continued in unusual adamance. In fact everyone was acting unusual today.

"You know what our problems are?" he challenged. "Hina can't stop hating herself, you act all happy and purposefully annoy others because you want to seem fine when you aren't, and I—I cut myself desperately from my emotions so I don't have to admit that if I were allowed to feel, I wouldn't be able to handle it."

There was a silence, and I was just trying to get everything that was said to sink in, but I had missed Anko's sudden aggravation in her heartbeat or the signs of her snapping.

"No! You know what? Fuck you Rui! Yeah, that's right fuck you! Your problem is not that you can't feel, but that you can't do what needs to be done! We're Shinobi and you still cry when you take a life— what you think you're more pure, more human than us because you still cry like a baby over getting your hands dirty?!" Anko snapped angrily as she threw her can away and got up.

"Anko—" I said hoping to defuse the escalating situation. I wished I had kept my stupid mouth shut and drank my problems away now.

"—No, you know what, you're a little shit too! I know those tattoos and earrings were given to you because sensei likes you the most! He cares more about you than he does about me and you can't even bring yourself to call him sensei! You don't deserve his love!"

I was surprised by the amount of bitterness in her voice. It made me pause and wonder how long she had held that all in. Anko really did value what Orochimaru thought of her but I couldn't encourage it.

"Anko, he's not who you think he is," I said softly.

"Then who is he, huh? Just another sensei you can throw away like you did to that Inuzuka mut of yours! Like you're going to do to me!"

I paused, feeling as if I'd been slapped. Anko was panting hard now, and she staggered on her feet, swaying as she did. Rui caught her quickly and she straightened herself up again. I looked down, trying to keep the hurt from my eyes.

"I would never throw you away," I insisted.

"Fuck you wouldn't! That's what everyone does," she said jerking Rui's hand of her shoulder and storming of.

I made for her, but Rui held my shoulder and shook his head. I sighed and wondered how things had gotten so bad. Somehow it felt like all this devolvement was my fauIt. summoned a snake quickly and left it on her to keep an eye out for her safety, but Rui was right, she needed to be alone.

"She didn't mean anything she said," he said resolutely.

"When you're drunk you tend to say what you're really thinking," I disagreed.

Rui shook his head. "No I have no doubt she believes her own words, but she is lying to herself. It's easier to think lowly of others so you don't hurt yourself when they inevitably fail you. She was thrown away before and she expects it to happen again."

I blinked up at Rui in amazement.

"You should become a psychologist... since when did you become good at reading people?"

"Not people, simply you two over the years. And I meant what I said Hina-chan—your issue is that you hate yourself."

"Possibly," I said awkwardly. "How should I go about fixing it?"

Even asking for something like this so flippantly took all of my effort. I couldn’t ever picture myself doing a heart to heart like this in the future, but I didn’t feel comfortable leaving feeling like strangers with my own team again. I had neglected their lives, too focused on my own, but it felt wrong to continue that way. Maybe for once I should look outside my own issues.

"I have no clue."

"No clue at all?" I asked in mild surprise.

"No, unfortunately I'm no psychologist," he said sardonically which forced a chuckle out of me.

"I suppose not Rui, but you care deeply and that's not something you should hide away. It's not something you can. Trust me, I've tried," I admitted awkwardly.

"Perhaps you should be a psychologist too," he hummed jokingly.

"Well let's not get ahead of ourselves and give each other what could be potentially terrible advice and pass it of as wisdom," I said, nervously airing my collar.

"Wisdom is to be shared. Kusari would share his quite often. Apparently opening up is attractive to females. They prefer the gentler touch of a man who accepts his emotions. I simply tried that method today—so maybe every word of wisdom may not be wise," he said with a far-off look.

I snorted. "His sources were romance novels Rui. And I very much doubt trying a romantic gesture would work in such a serious situation."

‘He had no real experiences’ was on the tip of my tongue but admitting that would hurt too much. It would just make the fact that he died before he got to live too real. I could picture him vividly growing up alongside me, finding a cute feisty girl to his calm cool persona, starting off a little shaky, then falling in love, only for her to find out that despite his cool 'I don't give a shit behaviour' he was a hopelessly romantic man on the inside. I could picture him leaving the life of a Shinobi behind quite quickly to start a small family, have some children, and write some romance novels. Despite being a badass in all rights he would have definitely choose the peaceful life.

"Then if I were to admit feeling, I would admit that I miss him very much. He had become a close friend in the short time we had together," Rui admitted bringing my attention back from my thoughts

"And I failed him..."

"There you go hating yourself again."

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. 

To my surprise Rui pat my back and I looked up to find him acting too much like Taichi. I chuckled a little at his stiff version of the big-brother act. My smile died down at the glistening tears in his eyes.

"You didn't fail him. You were fighting alongside him while I was sitting in a caravan safe as he died. I was useless," he admittedly painfully.

"It was under my orders."

"Orders which I and Anko normally refused," he rebutted.

"Now who's hating themselves?"

He wiped his eyes. "Guess you're right."

We fell into a solemn silence as we looked up at the moon. I could imagine what it would look like red and bleeding, a backdrop to the violence waged in this world. While I was nowhere near drunk, the alcohol had set in mildly and I found myself sitting back down with Rui, unwilling to take myself back to Taichi and face him again. I was content to lay my head on the shoulder of my brother in all but blood. It didn't help that he put an arm around me in a rare show of affection.

"I wish Anko didn’t go," he admitted.

"She wouldn't ever get so mushy," I snorted. "I'm barely holding on myself."

"I personally wouldn't mind doing this more often," Rui said in his unashamedly truthful manner.

I smiled at that. Hmm... this wasn't so bad not that I’d ever admit that out loud. Not one single part of me deserved such peace, but I couldn't help the tired, selfish part of me to sink into its comforts and never let go. This peaceable companionship was a single guiding star in an endless sea of black night, a waypoint in admits a supposedly endless journey.

It was quiet unusually poetic of me to think of such analogies, but they were calming. I slept alongside Rui on the Hokage Mountain for the rest of the night. My snake summon had come back sometime later to inform me that Anko had gotten home safely. Sitting under the stars, in the quiet of nature always made me contemplative.

In this quietness one was forced to think and sometimes thinking was dangerous. It forced you to re-evaluate your actions and thoughts, forced you to reconsider things you found normal. It was in these quiet moments that previously blasphemous thoughts would creep up.

I was caught in my memory of taking Danzo's life, of me cursing him to hurt him as much as I could, of feeling the catharsis that came with taking his life. I had never experienced such a high in my entire existence. Killing him had been a peak I didn't want to admit I found pleasure in. Killing Hakanai had barely even come close.

'You shouldn't enjoy murder', something in my head warned me.

But I did. I did enjoy his murder. I killed without remorse. I felt hardly anything when I took the lives of those people atop metal tables. It was only after I had committed the act that my mind would supply its wrongness and I would lay awake wondering what kind of monster didn't care. But it was even worse when it was someone I hated. The thrill of a fight was one thing, but to feel that sort of enjoyment from watching the light go out... it was terrifying in hindsight.

Was I any different from Danzo? If I hurt people who couldn't defend themselves, if I showed their lives none of the value I demanded for my family—was my actions any different at all?

No I did it to protect my family. Danzo did it because he could... but we both did it thinking we were in the right. It made my stomach twist in disgust. I didn't want Kusari to go through the pain that he did, I wanted him to live a long fulfilling life and yet—I had probably killed all the children in ROOT too when I activated their seals. Not painless deaths either. These were lives lost in a blinding pain I was all too familiar with.

"Hypocrite," I whispered in disgust at myself.

Now I was defending Orochimaru because I cared for him. Disgusting. In the end I valued the lives of those I cared about more than I valued the lives of everyone else.

"Hypocrite," I repeated more defeated this time.

Looking at the stars I wondered if I was going to reincarnate every time I died, ripped from my life again and again until I stopped caring at all. Maybe that was what I deserved for what I had done.

A melancholy mood had settled onto me. At least Rui looked peaceful sleeping to the side. I had him and I had others who cared about me, but it felt like it was only time before they realised the severity of my actions like I did. For a long time turning a blind eye to my own actions had worked. I was able to disassociate. Without Danzo it felt almost impossible to justify anything I had done.

What was there beyond his death? What was I meant to do now that I had my revenge? I felt lost now and I understood why I had taken to drinking. I was confused and it eased that confusion, directed my thoughts to useless things and kept my mind away from this problem that plagued me. It was a temporary relief to a bigger problem, one that I couldn’t keep coming back to if I wanted to solve it.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes as I looked down at Konoha, sitting atop the head of a man that was supposed to watch over the village, like this rock made it seem, but had instead turned a blind eye to my pain and the pain of others. It was something I was familiar with doing too. I wondered if there was someone who wouldn't, someone who do the right thing if they were given a chance to take the roll.

Minato would... die. I didn't want to think about that, but it was a huge possibility now that Obito was under Madara’s thumb. Hiruzen deserved to have that headpiece ripped from him in public. The only other candidates they would take seriously were the Sannin, but Kami knew none of them would do a good job except for maybe Tsunade if she got her head out of her arse. 

_You would be a good Hokage_

I stopped and wondered why that thought had overtaken me after my trial. Fugaku, after all, had nearly sentenced me to death. It was only his honour to his Clan that stopped him. It was because of that, that I had told him he would make a good Hokage. It was well and good to serve the village first, but how would you serve an entire village if you couldn't first serve your own family?

Fugaku cared about his Clan. He had tried to hold of their coup in the story for as long as he could, but it had been a failing battle and so he stood with his family at the end and accepted his son's execution of him with grace. It reminded me too much of kaasan and tousan.

He would make it work. He wouldn't let the Council tell him to do anything because he had faced discrimination at their hands. He would integrate the Uchiha back into the centre of Konoha life and give us an edge in the future. If shinobi like Itachi and Sasuke never defected, half of Konoha's issues wouldn't exist. I doubt Suna would invade without a bigger fight than they could afford if Itachi and Shisui were here. Orochimaru would be hard pressed to accomplish his goals here if the Uchiha existed too.

I paused and shook my head. I'd told myself I wouldn't put too much value into a plot I read in another world. I'd changed too much already for Orochimaru to plan the exact same invasion later. It very well could come in a different form now, in fact, I was sure it would. Shikaku had Kimimaro under his care and that would mean we had two Kaguya Clan members out of Orochimaru's hands. Not to mention it took another decade or so in the story for Orochimaru to be under suspicion of his experiments, but my existence had hastened the process.

Things would never be as predictable as it was in a story and this life wasn't a story either way. I just needed to consider that I knew certain individuals’ motivations and... what was I going to do with this information anyway? Why was I planning for the future as if I was going to prep Konoha for what was to come?

This Village had abandoned me when I needed help... and so I had abandoned its people when they asked for mine. This guilt... maybe it was why. I frowned as I looked down at Rui. No it wasn't the guilt. It was their heart-breaking confessions of feeling unsafe in their own homes. They were family and it didn't matter what I had to do if it was for family.

I didn't feel the need to protect Konoha, but I would protect the people I cared about. It just so happened they existed in this godforsaken Village. I pushed Rui's hair out of his mouth and smiled softly.

Yeah, a safer world for my team, a place they could return to without worry, a world where they could flourish and make families of their own. It was a hard-fought dream, but I could taste it in the air. I couldn’t give it to Kusari, but I could possibly give it to others.

It felt freeing to not feel so lost. I finally understood what I needed to do, and the first thing on my list was to get Uchiha Fugaku a seat in Konoha's Hokageship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find that I make decisions for myself best in the middle of the night under the guidance of the stars, thoughts wandering everywhere and anywhere, contemplating as many possibilities and issues as possible. It felt only right that I give Hina a moment to breathe so she could gather her thoughts cohesively. Also expect her to open up to people a lot more now. She’s really trying her best to reconnect with people now that she doesn’t have to keep them at a distance for their safety.
> 
> Also quick note give me your thoughts on a future Hina/Anko pairing? Hina’s entered the dreaded puberty phase now so it only makes sense. When I write romance it will probably be very slow and really not go anywhere for a long time, especially considering Anko’s 14 and Hina is 12 at this stage. I actually had a reason narrative wise for including this future pairing, and I think it’s the most logical route to go down romance wise, but even if I do this, romance will not be a central focus of the story. I did contemplate Hina/Guy, but me being the biggest lesbian around has zero experience in heterosexual romance, and I don’t often read romance other than shojou-ai or yuri so I figured I’d practice writing romance with something I could understand first. 
> 
> Anyway I thought it’d kinda be like Naruto canon, where you have the cute crush as a kid, and then you have some rare romantic tension sprinkled around the late teen phase, and then somewhere around mid-20’s is when you get the actual pairing. I imagined that eventually when I got to the pairing there would be a lot of disappointed people and a lot of happy people. That’s the nature of pairings I guess, considering everyone has their own take on what’s best, so it’s definitely ok if you don’t like the pairing… it’s just that I’ve already plotted ahead and it’s what I’m going to go for. Sorry in advance if it isn’t your thing.


	3. Chapter 3

Snap Back To Reality 55

* * *

Today was the day. It was a rare moment in history when the Hokage directly talked to his people upon a podium. It wasn't a required summon or a ceremony, but simply a message he felt that the general populace should hear directly from his mouth. He was going to publicly discuss the events that had passed, of the destruction of ROOT, and I didn't want to miss it, even if I knew people would turn their eyes to me part way for my hand in it all.

I just didn't expect that everyone's eyes would be on me from the very start. Their expressions ranged from anger to approval to confusion. Someone even spat on the ground next to me. I didn't falter even slightly. What they thought of me was hardly my concern. It's not like I bought very many things either so they couldn't actually cause me any inconvenience. It did hit me for a moment that people could refuse to sell to Taichi, but I noted that most of the angry citizens were Shinobi. I didn't mind them as I took my place in the crowd.

"She has a lot of nerve showing up here after losing us the war"

"How has she not been executed yet?"

"Ignore them," a more familiar voice said blandly.

I turned to see Kakashi behind me. Not a moment later Guy bounded straight into the both of us, toppling us to the ground. I rubbed my butt gingerly as I got up and sent the Green Beast a raised brow in question. He blushed and scratched his head.

"Sorry about that! It was extremely unyouthful! I should have stopped earlier."

"Yeah, you lost the race," Kakashi pointed out in his normally dry tone.

"It will not be so next time!"

I couldn't help the smile that took my face. "Kakashi replaced me as your rival didn't he?"

Guy looked incredibly flustered by my question, his face turning a deep red and getting a giggle out of me. He had a way of making me want to tease him. He was just too easy to rile up and get all flustered, and after having been on the receiving end of Anko's pranks, it was refreshing to be the one dolling out the jabs.

"N-no! It is b-b-because you're a b-beautiful flower of y-youth that I cannot challenge you," he said progressively getting more and more red until he was practically steaming at the ears.

"Hmm cute," I chuckled.

Guy promptly fainted and Kakashi sent me a 'really look' and I shrugged as if to ask 'could you really blame me?'. Kakashi turned his attention to the podium for a second but he didn't completely zone out like I expected he would.

"You shouldn't tease him like that you know," Kakashi said before he breathed out in exasperation. "He has a… _crush_ on you."

"Oh I didn't know you were so acquainted with matters of the heart," I said playfully.

"I'm being serious. Don't drag him along if you don't mean it," he frowned.

I was a little shocked how defensive of Guy, Kakashi had suddenly become. I looked down at the fainted boy and smiled. So Guy had managed to worm his way into Kakashi's cold, cold heart huh. Of course he would. If nothing Guy was persistent, and also a genuinely loving soul. No one could resist opening up to him for long. Sooner or later they'd have to give into his youth.

"I'm glad you two became friends," I said with a smile.

Kakashi snorted as if unamused but I smirked knowing the truth. In a few years Guy would break Kakashi out of his shell and soon they'd be continuing their challenges late into their lives like some sort of manic friendship. But it was an incredibly adorable and strong friendship, and I was glad it hadn't changed because of my existence. Kami knew Kakashi needed someone like Guy there for him.

"Citizens of Konoha!"

All the chatter stopped, and heads turned to look up at the Hokage in his full garb. I crossed my arms, ignoring the anticipation clogging up my throat. For so long Danzo had been lauded around as some kind of esteemed elder and war-hero, but to see his legacy get debased in public… to even be able to witness such a thing made me smile, and kami was I smiling. I couldn't stop it, stop the way it gave me no end of glee to know that his actions would be aired for all to see, and by extension the Hokage would be admitting to his dire incompetence. If only they knew the amount of shit I was getting them out of by taking him out of the picture earlier, then they wouldn't be spitting at me but rather be eternally grateful.

"I know you've heard rumours of Councilman Shimura Danzo's death. I'm here today to speak only the truth because that is what you as shinobi deserve to hear. Danzo was found conducting several illegal unsanctioned activities, including that of abducting Konoha citizens to induct them against their will, using illegal cursed seals on his Foundation members, escalating tensions purposefully between Konoha and Rain, and ordering assassinations on innocent civilians within Konoha."

Now that got people looking at each other in shock. I assumed a few of these people who were so mad at me had friends or family within ROOT proper that I had killed and probably didn't know about the illegal aspects of their relatives' work. It was probably more of a shock that something this large scale went unnoticed by the Hokage—which is what was surely going through everyone's minds right now.

It was one thing for Hiruzen to air out Danzo's dirty laundry, but I wasn't so sure he would. That would be a demoralizing blow to Konoha during a very fickle time. To find out your own Hokage didn't uphold the fundamental values of his village during war time would add dissent and unease within our already weary ranks. So I wasn't surprised that although Hiruzen listed of several more surprisingly shady things Danzo was involved in, that I had no knowledge of, he refrained from speaking a word on himself.

Then finally he addressed the elephant in the room—meaning my involvement in his murder. The smile wiped of my face and was replaced with something more serious and neutral considering all eyes would be on me soon and I didn't want to look like a maniac, but also because this part wasn't funny at all for me.

"As you all know Suzuki Hina stood trial amongst both the elders, the Jounin Council, and the Clan heads due to the nature of Danzo's crimes against the Uchiha. She was found to be innocent by verdict of the majority. Suzuki Hina was a previous member of ROOT and involved in its hidden and deplorable child indoctrination sect. Due to the immoral nature of the tasks she was forced to partake in, and Danzo immediately threatening her life, Suzuki-san took matters into her own hands and ended the conflict as best she could. However make no mistake, what she did was a service to Konoha and it's values and deserves only the highest honour. Would you step up to the podium Suzuki-san?"

I wasn't expecting this to be honest. I stood still in shock for a second before I bobbed my head and body flickered to the podium. I kneeled in front of the Hokage as was customary and when he told me to rise, it was with a flak jacket in hand. I took it slowly, wondering what he hoped to accomplish by giving me a field promotion so publicly.

"Do not betray Konoha Suzuki-san. I put my faith in you for that," he said in a whisper.

I didn't know whether to glare or chuckle. Like hell what anyone else thought mattered in the first place. Even the Hokage himself couldn't stop me from choosing my own path, and a threat or warning from his lips wouldn't get me so easily to step in line. I only supported Konoha because Konoha's interests aligned with mine for now.

"You have nothing to fear Hokage-sama," I replied truthfully.

And he didn't. I would see all of Danzo's dreams demolished. Konoha would not escalate tensions and dominate on the battlefield. Whether we won or not wasn't my concern. I simply wanted the peaceful ideal that he so detested. I wanted to see Konoha flourish outside of battle, outside of underhanded tactics, I wanted to see those people beneath me free to choose their own Shinobi-code and to rid Konoha of the vile ways of control it had over people. No more cursed seals, no more child abduction, no more underhanded illegal missions conducted to prolong the war, and certainly no more children forced to take the lives of their parents.

Itachi would never have to go through what I did under my watch, and Shisui would be free to grow up without having his eyes plucked out like it's a simple accessory, and the Hyuuga—they would have to stop their barbaric cursed seal tradition. To truly spit on Danzo's legacy I would turn Konoha into what our enemies laughed and jeered at us for. They called us tree-huggers. That is what we would become.

Looking down from up here I realised that I had a purpose, one that Danzo had given me. I put on my flak jacket proudly as the crowd clapped mutedly for my supposed achievement. I could see their ambivalence to my actions. They weren't sure whether it was justified or not anymore, but I knew things they didn't. I knew what the future looked like with Danzo's hand in events. I knew what terrible things he would have caused in the future, and if they knew too they would understand the magnitude of a favour I had done for them… what I was going to do for them.

I palmed my Jounin flak jacket with a newfound purpose.

* * *

It seemed taking down a whole organisation didn't earn me a break. In fact it was probably the reason I was put back on active duty the moment the ceremony was done. Hiruzen gave me a scroll and only looked _mildly_ apologetic when doing so. I opened it and noted it was a simple one, but the thing that surprised me the most was that it wasn't under Orochimaru. The team lead for the mission was Minato Namikaze. So either Hiruzen was sparing me the pain of having to work with Orochimaru, or he wanted to keep me away from him to stop us from potentially plotting. Either way this didn't bother me. Working with Orochimaru on the field was actually fine. My issue was the things we did in our downtime at Konoha, but even that was indefinitely put-on hold if Orochimaru wanted to keep his secrets under wrap.

I pocketed the scroll just in time to be picked up by a crying Guy who spun me around like a ragdoll in his arms until I was dizzy.

"Oi idiot, why don't you let the vege-senpai breathe a little?" Anko asked karate chopping Guy's head and pulling me towards her like a possessive mother.

"Ahhh! Forgive me! I was just crying tears of JOY because of Hina-chan's YOUTHFUL PROMOTION and her perseverance against all ODDS!" Guy shouted in literal tears.

"Ah-huh, I can see that" Anko deadpanned.

I turned around and noticed Rui was behind Anko too and he gave me a smile. I turned to Anko giving her a look, and she flushed in embarrassment, holding her face, and turning away. So she remembered the things she said when she was a little too drunk last night. I cleared my throat to turn around to see Kakashi giving me a curious look. This was all getting way too awkward.

"Congratulations on the promotion," Kakashi finally said in his usual 'not too enthused' voice before he made to leave.

"Hey don't leave you hip and cool man! We haven't finished our challenge! Agh you're so beautifully frustrating sometimes!" Guy shouted before running after Kakashi to bother him some more.

"Your friends are weird," Anko snorted.

"You hang out with Genma and Kotetsu," Rui reminded.

"Still not as weird as them," Anko pointed out undeterred.

Rui considered it for a second as if he was weighing who was worse and then to my amusement decided to agree with Anko on this one. Well to be fair not many people were weirder than Guy and Kakashi, especially when Guy and Kakashi were _together_.

"Anyway congratulations on the promotion," Rui said.

"Thanks," I replied.

"Awww I guess you're still our _senpai_ huh," Anko said poking my forehead. "But you're still our cute little kohai too. No way that's changing even if you become the Hokage at 15 or something equally as ridiculous."

"No way in hell would I ever agree to become Hokage," I huffed as I held my forehead in irritation.

Anko moved to tease me when Rui noted the scroll tucked in-between my haori and belt. Anko noted it too and frowned. The conversation died way too quickly.

"Another one _already_?" Anko asked in disbelief.

"Considering I killed 350 Shinobi and cut our forces considerably, I feel like this is just karma at this stage," I shrugged helplessly.

"But this is too much. No one else would be expected to go on another mission this quickly," Rui said frowning.

He really did catch on quickly. I nodded, finding no reason to hide this from them. In fact considering they were my team hiding _anything_ felt wrong now.

"You're right about that. I suspect Hokage-sama wishes to keep me occupied by the war to keep me far away from Konoha's affairs," I explained.

"He doesn't trust you?" Anko whispered in worry.

"It's not like that matters to me," I said hesitantly. "Look, I'd rather not discuss this out in public. How about we go relax for once. No booze. No serious talk. Just some sweets and resting by the red bridge river," I said dreamily.

Anko looked conflicted. "Sorry vege-senpai, but I'm actually quite busy."

"With what?" I asked raising a brow.

She frowned and her body became defensive again. "Nothing that's got to do with you two… look I know you two are trying to suddenly do the whole feelings thing now, but I prefer it the old way. Congratulations on your promotion again vege-senpai. Remind me to get you a present later. Ja-ne!"

Anko body flickered away leaving me with a concerned looking Rui. I couldn't blame her for not wanting to open up. To each their own, but for some reason Rui looked like he was determined to change her. I didn't feel comfortable knowing Anko had such deep-rooted insecurities she hid away behind her exuberant personality but admitting that out loud would make me equally a hypocrite considering I normally kept to myself too.

"Well it seems it's just you and me again. Why don't we go out for some dango?" he asked.

I held my wallet away in defence and Rui failed to hide a smile. I glowered at my instinct to hide away my wallet at the mention of dango. These two would bleed me dry of money if we ever went together, and kami knows Anko had a black hole in her stomach.

"I'll pay this time."

"Really?" I asked in suspicion.

"Well we normally extort you for all your worth, but today is your promotion so it would be quite evil of me," he admitted.

To my shock and surprise Rui did in fact pay for dango for the first time in our lives. I nearly cried feeling how still heavy my wallet was. Kami, this feeling was ethereal.

"I can see why you extort me for food now. Kami, it tastes so much better when you don't have to pay," I cried.

"The taste is likely the same, although you're liable to confuse your money skimping elation for the taste," he said as logically as ever.

At this stage, I'd learnt to take Rui's brand of conversation in stride, even if he did take straightforwardness to another level. I was happy to chew on the dango and not say a word, considering he liked to walk in silence, when I heard some girls chuckle our way. I looked down at myself wondering if something was wrong and then I'd noticed that Rui was walking a little too close to me, hand on my back as if he was leading me around.

"Um Rui, why are you steering me like a ship?" I asked.

I noted in growing horror that the reasons the girls were laughing was because we looked like we were on a date. I groaned into my hands. Dammit, we were at _that_ age now. Life was going to get unnecessarily complicated… and to think I had been teasing Guy like it didn't matter just a moment ago.

_Oh god a child was actually crushing on me_

Suddenly it didn't seem so cute or endearing, but rather unnatural in fact. I was 35 when I died, and now I was 46 if adding my eleven years here counted. I was old enough to be their parents, but at the same time even I had to admit I had the mental functions of a child, with increasing emotional outbursts, a need to be held every once in a while, and the frustrating desire to be cared for and listen to adults. But I still had the mind of someone who'd lived 46 years long too. What even was I at this stage? A child or an adult?

"Hina you look sick. Are you alright?" Rui asked.

"Hmm fine," I replied dismissively.

It was best to not think about my situation too deeply. It just made me confused and sick. I told myself to stop worrying before I put on a smile to ease Rui's worry.

"I was explaining before you zoned out, that I thought you'd want to try some nicer food," he repeated.

"Um, yeah sure. An Akimichi barbeque joint like the usual?" I asked.

Rui shook his head. "Home cooking is much better wouldn't you say?"

"Home?" I asked in surprise.

"My kaasan and tousan have accepted the team's need for an astounding amount of privacy, but they've also been eager to meet with you. I insisted that both of you preferred to keep work and life separate, although I didn't quite understand it myself, I just went along with it," Rui said.

"Wait, you mean to tell me this entire time you actually didn't want to hide your past?" I asked in disbelief.

He gave me an infuriating smile and then nodded. I sighed in exasperation. Of course Rui would find himself getting the wrong idea. The boy had the emotional awareness of a walrus… although he did show some understanding recently at the Hokage mountain, but that was probably from no small amount of thought on his part. I could imagine him lying awake at night thinking logically about the reasons our team was the way we were so we could improve our efficiency.

"You know you didn't have to hide it," I said.

"That was unclear to me before. I didn't feel the need to open up or hide away so it was fine either way, but I realise now that it might be unhealthy as _friends_ for us to keep such matters a secret. So ask me anything."

"I've always wanted to know. Are you a Hyuuga?" I asked curiously.

"Well not by name," he admitted. "My birth mother is a Hyuuga. She married outside of the Clan against their will and had me. Fortunately for me I was born without the Byakugan. However my younger brother was born with quite a strong Byakugan, and the Clan demanded him back under their name. Mother had to take him back despite her insistence against it."

To think a Clan could force family back into its fold like some sort of demented slave system. I had no doubt they'd put the branch family curse seal on the poor kid, and the mother had no choice but to play along or risk a punishment. I felt indignation at their treatment but calmed myself down. It hit too close to home. It felt too much like ROOT.

"Disgusting," I said despite myself.

"I assumed you would be angry after your ordeal with the Foundation," Rui said with a hint of sympathy.

"I'm sorry Rui. I shouldn't be the one losing my composure," I apologised.

"It's not an issue. I find I occasionally lose control myself, but it's hard to stay angry at them every waking moment of the day. It comes and goes in waves instead," he admitted.

"So your brother—is he okay?" I asked softly.

Rui shook his head. "No one is truly okay in that cursed Clan. Kaasan tried her best to be independent, but now she is tied behind its walls and the Clan claimed that she was too promiscuous to meet with tousan any further and risk further children. Because of this we're not allowed to see them anymore, although I do make it a habit to discreetly send some sweets time to time."

I scratched at my neck in agitation. Hearing about this had made me so mad, and I could begin to feel the dredges of hatred creep up behind me with its familiar scraping claws. To be treated like nothing but a breeding stock, to be fenced in away from your family—that was too much.

"You said we were going to meet both your parents today, didn't you? How does that work?" I asked.

"Tousan remarried. The woman you'll be meeting today is my stepmother," he explained as we walked further and further into the rich part of town.

"Is she an evil stepmom or the nice doting kind?" I asked feeling incredibly protective of Rui.

"She's neither. A fair woman. Shrewd and heartless as the other ladies call her, but to me she is simply strong. She isn't a Shinobi just like my tousan, but they have considerable power within Konoha as they own mines and silk farms."

Merchants and businesspeople then. I wasn't too surprised. One of Rui's dreams was establishing a better trade route with Wave for quicker seafood exports. He had many goals to accomplish in life, all seemingly unrelated to each other, but still things he would find fulfilling. How an aspiring musician became a Shinobi was quite odd, but I wouldn't question it if he kept giving me free flute lessons like he did.

We stopped upfront a large traditional manor with an old-fashioned Konoha style gate lined with blue terracotta tiles. It reminded me of Kakashi's home if it was maintained by servants. The courtyard as we entered was certainly maintained, with curved maple trees all vibrant reds, and a large bare sakura tree by the corner framing the large Japanese style home.

I wasn't surprised to see a young female maid come out to greet Rui, although he certainly did look odd amongst this rich backdrop. Having slept with him out in the forest floor, bathed with him in the occasional river to get of crusty old mud and coagulated blood, it almost felt alien to think of him in any decadent setting. Why give up these comforts to live the life of a Shinobi?

"Master Rui, would you require anything for your friend here?" she asked.

"Is tousan and kaasan around?" he asked.

"Yes, I will see if they are free. Would you like to meet in the guest room?"

"The living room would be better."

"Of course Master Rui."

I watched awed as the servant bowed to someone younger than her before rushing of to fulfill his every request. This was definitely something I wasn't used to, so I let Rui guide me along with his hand on my back. Sometimes he would put on his big-brother mode just like Taichi did. It was quite endearing, but right now I was just glad he didn't let me gawk on one spot like an awestruck idiot.

The inside of his house was full of intricate furniture and traditional paintings that cost a fortune. In fact the whole place just looked straight out of some kind of some old Japanese castles that I watched in my previous life. Of course there was modern technology here and there, but beyond that it really stuck to that Edo vibe.

"I can't believe you used to extort my wallet to buy dango with Anko, when you had all this lying around," I sniffed in betrayal.

"Hmmm, I apologise. I never thought about it that way. I just found your expressions of distress amusing."

I punched him in the arm and glared, but it only served to make him laugh and to irritate me further. I regretted it a moment later because his parents had apparently witnessed the exchange. They looked amused which just made my face warm in embarrassment. Kami they probably thought I was some immature child…

"Who's this young lady? Finally realised your one true love Rui-chan?" the woman asked.

Rui blinked in surprise but was unfairly not flustered like I was. "No, this is Suzuki Hina, my teammate."

I studied the man and woman in front of me. The man definitely resembled Rui with his eyes, but beyond that Rui's face wasn't as rugged, and the woman obviously bore no resemblance to him either. They both had a sharpness to their eyes, and even the deliberate movements that I'd come to associate with Shinobi, although theirs was much different. While a Shinobi would move silently and angle their bodies subtly to the side to minimise the surface area of their front leaning space, these two stood almost in perfect posture and moved fluidly like people confident in every step they took. It reminded me of the men and women working higher up than me in my previous life, in positions that didn't require as much scientific knowledge as it did some knowledge on how to deal with people and assets. It was intimidating its own unique way.

"Ah Hina-chan, forgive me for not knowing much. Our son has been tight lipped about his team. We assumed it may be because of a sour relationship, but it seems we were wrong," the man said as he shook my hand.

"Hina, this is my father Chinsei Hofu, and my mother Chinsei Tomi," he introduced.

"Pleasure to meet you all," I said as formally as I could with a slight bow.

"Is that a Jounin flak jacket," Hofu noted.

"Yes, I brought Hina today because she was recently promoted," Rui explained.

I was met with scrutiny by both parents, and I had no doubt they had connected the dots to my identity and my recent actions against the Foundation. I really had no idea where they stood with the Council, although I did know that the Council delt with civilian matters as well so maybe there was some correspondence between the two parties at some point. I didn't want to become suspicious of Rui's parents, but it was a little hard to do without any information.

"My so young too. It's almost unheard of to be promoted at 14," Tomi praised.

"Hina is actually 11," Rui corrected.

I was met with genuine surprise. I almost sighed. I should probably get used to this reaction like I'm sure Kakashi already had to.

"Well for such a feat we certainly have to prepare something special. I'll get the servants to it," Hofu said in genuine wonder.

"No tousan, I would prefer if we could taste your dishes today. It's always more special that way," Rui interjected.

"What do you say Hina-chan?" Hofu asked me.

I shrugged. "Cooking is something that brings the family together. If you wish for that to remain personal, I don't mind, but I would love to be accepted in if it's not an issue," I said, trying not to impose.

"Nonsense, you hold the life of my son in your hands in every mission," Hofu waved away. "If I didn't consider you family already, then I'd be cursed with bad luck."

I was surprised by how jovial the man was, and although Tomi looked more reserved, she didn't voice her displeasure. I watched as the richly dressed adults strode away from the room. Rui took my hand as if to help lead a child and I couldn't even find it in myself to protest. Maybe something about being inside his home invoked some natural brotherly instinct, and I would be remiss to discourage that. Plus it felt like Taichi, and that always made me feel better.

We entered the large kitchen, and I was glad the word 'ramen' wasn't even mentioned. Having to explain my fear for something as inane as noodle soup would be incredibly embarrassing. I shuddered at the memory of Kushina forcing it down my throat.

Never again!

After watching them discuss what to make, we ended up agreeing to make some grilled eel Unagi with a side dish of pickled radish and yakitori. I had never actually cut eel before in my life, so I assumed I'd be staying away from the whole process, but apparently Hofu had other ideas.

"I've never done it before," I said unsurely.

"Then it's more reason for you to try isn't it. Don't worry I'll show you how to fillet it," Hofu explained.

I watched him do a part of the eel, and then he handed over the knife. I'd always been an adept cook. Flavours came to me naturally, but technique often didn't, and Japanese style food was all about the technique. It didn't help that Rui was practically breathing down my back while I was doing it. It didn't come out as neat but judging from the look on Hofu's face it wasn't too bad.

"That's good, that's very good! Cooking is an essential life skill no matter the gender or class. That's what my father used to say. I think it's because my mother was a terrible cook and he missed his favourite katsudon, but that ruins the magic of the saying so I pretend it's not the reason," he chuckled, which made me laugh too.

I was surprised when Rui showed me better cutting methods and even when Tomi instructed me on how to best grill eel and to lock in the flavours of meat so the juices wouldn't escape. I was beginning to relax around this odd family. It felt like I was back with Gaku and Nami in their kitchen. For some reason kitchens just were the most wholesome place on the planet, and so I found it hard to get mopey like I had been the past few days.

"So Hina-chan, when did you become a Shinobi?" Tomi asked.

"I was 6 at the time," I admitted sheepishly.

"Really Genin at 6? You must be a prodigy among prodigies then," Hofu said impressed.

"In some ways, but I've always been beaten by Hatake Kakashi. He's always one step ahead," I said with a proud smile at the thought of my friend.

"Well you don't seem so ambitious if that doesn't bother you. What made you want to become a Shinobi so young?" Tomi asked with intense curiosity.

Hofu looked at his wife as if to tell her to tone down on the personal questions, and even Rui was giving her a disapproving look, but I didn't mind. It's not something you'd ask someone you'd just met. For a lot of Shinobi this question wasn't that personal, but for some it was incredibly so, so it had always been a general rule to not ask until you knew the person enough to gauge if it was appropriate to ask.

"It's not an issue," I said to Rui. "I actually originally did it for the money. Not model I know, but I wanted to help my family's financial burden and possibly do research in the future, apprentice under a scientist later down in life, and being a Shinobi was the only way I would have afforded it. I did intend to graduate at 11 like everyone else, but then the war hit, and my family was already in debt, so I decided to progress quicker."

"You just _decided_. At 5?" Hofu asked astonished.

When he put it that way, I did sound like some kind of freak of nature. I smiled and nodded my head. Not much of an interesting origin story, but it was the truth.

"That's rather admirable. To care for your family in such a way."

We ate with more mild chatter about less personal things. I was beginning to learn even more about merchants and how they worked. I'd learnt quite a bit from Rengoku, but he was a vendor. This was from the perspective of a supplier. It seemed maintaining assets was a lot more complicated than owning a simple mine or a silk farm.

Rui was enjoying the eel the entire time. I knew his love for seafood was a thing, but apparently the reason why he wanted to establish a better trade route from wave was because the price was too high for normal everyday families, and he thought it was unfortunate that they couldn't afford such 'divine meat'. It was such a ridiculously wholesome goal that I had nothing to criticize about it.

"Shall I take the plates for you?" the maid asked.

"No, it's quite alright. I'll be taking Hina-chan to help me clean them now. It's time for some girl talk," Tomi said dismissing the maid.

Rui sent me a look and I shrugged. It was odd that she wanted to talk to me in private, but she wasn't a Shinobi and if she wanted to try something, she'd be unable to do so. I waved away his silent concern and took his plate to the kitchen sink in another room.

"It's nice to have a girl in the house for once. Rui must be blessed to have two," she said smiling as she worked to put the dishes into the sink.

"You looked into us," I noted.

"Of course I did. It was odd for a team to not introduce itself to a member's family. I knew something was wrong and so my network kept me informed. Of course there were things about you that were hard to put together, but it's cleared up now that information about Councilman Danzo has been released," Tomi admitted.

"I'm not insulted or hurt if you're worried," I said.

"I'm not," she said straightforwardly, as if she didn't care what I thought, and that was definitely the truth of the matter.

"Rui is to inherit our assets in the future unless I'm to have another child, and so I'm simply protecting my interests. Nothing more," she explained.

I ignored the fact that she probably didn't have any emotional ties to her own adopted son, which was incredibly wrong in so many ways, because honestly, I didn't think Rui cared too much for her either way. I was more interested in what she had said earlier.

"It's impressive that you've managed to keep a network within a Shinobi village," I said changing the subject as I put away the dishes.

Tomi looked at me in a critical light suddenly as if homing in on my change in tone. She looked ready for business, and I found myself emulating her stance.

"You have need of that service?" Tomi asked.

I did need this service. I just never thought it would be handed to me on a silver platter like this. I was planning to maybe spread it by word of mouth, but it would be dangerous if it was somehow tied back to me. Orochimaru would not take kindly to my scheming, and for now he did hold a certain amount of power over my actions, even if I did often ignore them.

"I have a rumour I intend to spread that's been stifled by larger powers," I said cryptically.

"Are these powers dangerous?"

"Not so much anymore," I admitted. "But the damage as already been done. Name a fair price and let me use your network."

"It's not a price you'd be able to pay in money," Tomi said with a knowing smile. "How about you tell me what it is you seek to spread first before I name a price. Then we can agree on something reasonable."

I thought it over for a bit. In some ways she was speaking kindly only because I still very much resembled a child barely entering their teens. I was glad for my age once again. It was okay if people underestimated me for now.

"I want Uchiha Fugaku to get the recognition he deserves within Konoha's walls. His title of Wicked Eye Fugaku, I want that spread to our people."

"You've served under him?"

I shook my head. "No I simply think the Council is bias against the Uchiha, and Fugaku is the best candidate for Hokage."

Tomi stared down at me as if trying to piece my intentions together. She looked like she was itching to ask a million questions but needed to keep it down to a few handfuls.

"Why do you not want your Jounin sensei, a Sannin, to be the Hokage?" she asked.

"He's a brilliant mind, and a scary Shinobi, but not Hokage material. I don't want the other two loser Sannin to get the seat either."

"There's more to it than that. Tell me the full truth and I might agree," she said sternly.

I huffed in defeat. She wasn't going to accept my request without a good enough reason. For some reason she came of as the discreet type. I didn't think she would be running her mouth to anyone about me soon. I felt mildly safe in telling her the truth.

"I'm sure you know the Uchiha Clan is being discriminated against. I didn't care in the past, but that was a mistake. I've learned that if I live somewhere, everyone else's problem eventually becomes mine. I won't let it affect the people I protect anymore," I admitted determinedly.

"I'm sure what happened to your parents opened your eyes. Thank you for the truth Hina-chan. I have faith that you'll solve my son's issues one day too with this amount of determination," she smiled.

She knew about my parents… and she was also talking about the Hyuuga debacle. Tomi did a little more than 'some' basic research. I focused back on the topic at hand. I needed this to happen. I needed Shisui to be safe in the future, for there to be no Uchiha massacre, for Obito to be caught and reasoned with before he made a grave mistake. Before the world was dragged into another troublesome war.

"Name your price," I asked.

"A favour," she replied.

"A favour?" I asked.

"You likely don't have enough money to be worth a trade, and you're my son's teammate. A favour will suffice. I'll take you up on it at any time."

"How dangerous," I chuckled.

She could ask for anything, from a simple run to grab something or for me to do something incredibly dangerous or illegal. It was a lot worse than giving up some money I didn't have, but right now I needed Konoha to stop discriminating against the Uchiha. It was important enough for me to agree. I just had to hope that Tomi was a fair woman.

"It's a deal then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hina be doing some shady back dealings XD Whether or not Tomi can be trusted is up in the air, but hopefully this chapter explains a bit about Rui's backstory.


	4. Chapter 4

Snap Back To Reality 56

* * *

Walking back home was awkward, especially when I knew I’d have to confront Taichi. I paused at the door for a few minutes, walking back and forth unsure of what to do, until Matsu stopped behind me, putting down some groceries and sending me a look.

“I didn’t mean to leave again—it’s just been tough,” I admitted guiltily.

“I know, Taichi explained everything,” Matsu said.

“Everything?” I asked for confirmation.

“Ev-ery-thing,” he emphasised. “Look I’m not going to pretend I can have a say on whether what you did was right or wrong. It’s beyond little old me, but you shouldn’t have dropped that bomb on him and just _ran_ away.”

I felt the urge to defend myself, but I stopped short and paused. Matsu was right. I shouldn’t have run away, panicked like some pathetic loser who couldn’t handle her own actions. I was an adult and yet here I was acting like some over-emotional child. I should have stayed and comforted him.

“I’m not going to run away today,” I said in determination.

“You better not or I’m going to drag your ass back here. He hasn’t been able to bake a single thing… is that a Jounin jacket?”

Oh he just noticed. Which was fair enough considering he was probably pissed off at me.

“I got promoted.”

Matsu whistled. “You’re a quick one. Well don’t keep him waiting. I’ll congratulate you _after_ you go fix up this mess.”

“Thanks cousin Matsu,” I mumbled as I found the courage to enter into the shop and make my way up the stairs.

I stopped at the door but eventually entered. This house had never been inviting to me I realised. Even before I murdered my own parents, it had felt like I wasn’t invited here. It still felt that way. I wondered if it always would.

But my feelings never mattered. Once in a while I would pretend it did, but I’d always remind myself sooner or later what I lived for, then all my actions would look childish and selfish. Like I had a right to cry or panic when my brother was hurting… like I deserved to be comforted at all. I felt the blood drip from my hands again and I felt the urge to run them under the tap endlessly. I shut my eyes and ignored the feeling, pushing them behind my back as I stood in front of Taichi’s room.

“Are you in there Taichi?” I asked.

There was a long seemingly unending pause before he shuffled out of bed and opened the door. His under eyes were dark and his hair was a mess. I winced at the glare I received.

“Finally decided to come home huh?” he asked, a tone of bitterness behind his words, then he looked down at my flak jacket and paused. “As usual. Always too busy for us.”

Ouch.

“Ok I deserve that—”

“—You deserve a beating. You left for a whole day! Where were you?”

“I stayed over at my teammate’s,” I admitted with a sigh. “I-I’m sorry… I just left you after all that and—fuck—I’m bad at this. I know I’m bad at this, but I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just thought you’d want some space.”

“Kami Hina!” Taichi growled as he flung open the door. “I know what your problem is, you know what it is, _everyone_ does, so why can’t you _see_ it?”

I faltered. “This isn’t about me—I shouldn’t have left. I know—”

“—No you don’t know! It’s been about you from the start! It’s not that you left because _you_ needed time to yourself, it’s because you hate yourself so much for making a mistake, you want others to distance themselves from _you,_ so on purpose or not you decide to hurt yourself you need to hurt them. Dammit Hina, you can fool yourself, but you can’t fool me.”

I didn’t know what to say. A familiar panic threatened to overtake me again and so this time I decided to _breathe_. I didn’t know what to say. For the first time in my life it felt like my brain refused to work, like it was shutting down so I couldn’t think. I wanted to run away again until this horrible feeling left me, until I wasn’t drowning in confusion.

“You keep saying you hate hurting us, so then stop hurting yourself. It seems to come around in a circle doesn’t it,” Taichi demanded angrily.

“I-I really don’t want to hurt you,” I whispered.

“Then don’t. Stop hurting yourself. Stop deflecting all your problems onto tasks. Take a moment for once in your life to make it about you.”

I already had. I had that moment when I killed Danzo. There was nothing more for me beyond my goals now. Without it…

My thoughts were pulled back to Taichi when he put a hand on my head, and I had instinctually flinched away. He frowned then pulled back and I felt stupid all over again. Like usual we ignored the matter altogether and continued. It was rare for him to forget how much I hated people touching my head.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you,” he sighed.

“No don’t apologise.”

“I didn’t notice I was the one stressing you out… maybe you should take some time to yourself,” he said.

“No I really don’t need that,” I chuckled softly.

“I do though. You should go play with Tsukiya. He doesn’t really know what’s going on besides the fact that you took down a lot of ‘bad shinobi’. I told him you were busy so he wouldn’t get hurt, but he waits months for you to come home for a few days and it’s like you’re never there in that time for him.”

I nodded stiffly. It had been 6 whole months for the last mission. Travelling in a caravan was not quick. It always seemed to pass so quickly for me, and then when I returned home it was like Tsukiya had become a different person each time. It hurt to think that we were practically strangers.

“Where does he usually play?” I asked.

“He tells me he plays around the corner store by the civilian district,” Taichi replied before nodding and closing his door.

I sighed and then took my leave. Of course a day wasn’t enough time for him to process something as big as what I had told him. A part of him probably did blame me. It was a part I don’t think he would ever be vocal about, but I knew it was there regardless. I went downstairs and when Matsu turned to me expectantly, I shook my head.

“He isn’t coming out for a while, is he?” Matsu asked worriedly.

“No, he needs time,” I said stiffly. “I’m going to go find Tsukiya. Sorry I can’t help with the shop.”

“Don’t worry about the shop,” Matsu said flippantly as he waved me away.

I left quickly but I didn’t run to the park. I knew where it was. It was the park Taichi had taken me the first time I’d come back home from the Nara district. It was a place with predominantly civilian kids considering it was located in the civilian district. I looked around for a bit, but I didn’t see any green haired boy and I wondered if maybe he’d gone to get some kind of snack at a store nearby.

I went around all the snack stores and decided to try and track his familiar scent, but he seemed out of range. I felt a trickle of fear enter me. What if someone had abducted him… but that was a hard thing to do with the Uchiha police. Abductions in a Shinobi village were reserved for people suddenly ‘missing’ after a mission, or for children in orphanages, not for civilian children in open playgrounds. Still, Tsukiya would know not to go beyond the civilian district. Even if kids in this world had more freedom than the ones back in my old world, they were still limited from doing too much at this age.

I decided to calm down and try other parks and after 30 minutes of frantic searching I dropped down onto a tree to see a mop of long green hair. He was hanging around with a bunch of other four-year-old brats it seemed. I sighed in relief until I noticed the band aids on their legs and the wooden kunai in their hands. Shinobi children? What was Tsukiya doing hanging around _Shinobi_ children? My heart nearly dropped. No, no, no. He couldn’t.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I barely noticed what was going on until it was too late. Tsukiya was throwing wooden kunai at a boy smaller than him with his friends. They seemed to be laughing. I was about to drop down and stop them when the smaller child picked up a rock, threw it at the kunai, flinging it back to hit Tsukiya square in the forehead. The boy picked up another rock and the rest of the boys ran away leaving Tsukiya crying on the floor holding his forehead. I dropped down next to my brother and noted the small dark-haired boy pause at my presence a little more guarded than usual.

“Hina-neechan!” Tsukiya cried. “That boy hit me on the head!”

I sighed in exasperation as I karate chopped the little shit’s head. Tsukiya held his wound in indignation, more tears streaming down his face. I turned to see the other boys hiding behind a building. I glared at them and gestured for them to come. They all awkwardly gathered around. I then turned to the small dark-haired boy and motioned for him to come too. He awkwardly complied.

“Why’d you hit me?!” Tsukiya demanded.

“Because you boys were picking on him, weren’t you?” I asked with a frown.

“Yeah but only because he deserves it! He always thinks he’s so cool just cause he’s an Uchiha,” one of the boys defended hotly.

“The way I saw it, he was just walking along when you lot decided to bother him. Hey Uchiha-chan, don’t you think that’s unfair to you?”

The kid looked wholly flustered but he nodded either way, refraining from talking. He must be embarrassed. How cute. I turned to my brother and shook my head. He couldn’t turn into a bully under my watch. Seriously how could such a cute kid at home act like this outside?

“A good Shinobi doesn’t hurt their fellow village members. We have each other’s backs no matter what. Are you going to cry about an Uchiha when an Iwa nin comes in?”

“No! We hate Iwa!”

“Exactly! Then you boys are going to apologise to Uchiha-kun here and become friends.”

“Or what?” Tsukiya challenged and got a few murmurs of agreements.

After I karate chopped all the children on their heads a little more harshly than normal, they all began shaking hands with the Uchiha boy. Tsukiya looked incredibly embarrassed though.

“I hate you neechan! You’re the worst!” he shouted before running away.

He hadn’t even shaken the kid’s hands. I sighed as I watched the rest of the boys make their retreat too. I turned to the awkward boy next to me, who was pulling cutely at my haori to get my attention.

“Yeah kid?”

“Thank you,” he mumbled softly.

“Sure thing. Ignore my brother ok. I’ll make sure he doesn’t bother you again—” I said before pausing to get a name.

“Itachi,” the kid murmured.

I blinked in shock. Oh shit, this was Itachi? I didn’t expect him to be so goddamn adorable at this age. I was beginning to realise I had a weak spot for cute things. I almost pinched this boy’s cheeks. Those big black round eyes and that cute cherub face—damn to think this little baby had the potential to wipe out an entire clan.

“Suzuki Hina at your service. So you’re Shisui’s cousin, aren’t you?” I asked.

“Second cousin,” the boy replied curtly.

“Well then Itachi-kun, I don’t want to let my brother get away with his actions so easily.”

“Wait—what you said about Shinobi before,” Itachi said stopping me softly. “Is that the Will of Fire?”

Wow how did this kid even know what that meant at his age. He was only four at this stage, right? He looked to be slightly younger than my brother. I was witnessing another Kakashi level prodigy it seemed. These kids were scary smart.

“Hmm the will of fire is just something we say to foster camaraderie within fellow shinobi,” I explained.

“If you don’t believe it then why did you help?” Itachi asked.

“I don’t like bullies. Remember this Itachi-kun, if you’re going to fight someone pick someone worth your weight or it won’t be any fun.”

“That’s not how war works,” he said frowning in confusion.

I couldn’t help but poke his forehead. Kami was this an anime moment or what? I stopped the little bit of glee inside of me at that.

“You’re too young to be thinking about war, plus life’s not always about war or the village.”

Itachi frowned cutely, tilting his head.

“Shisui told me about you. He told me to look at the ants… that they were fighting too. He said it’s just the way the world works and that’s what you told him. You made him look sad.”

That definitely caught me off guard. He didn’t sound accusatory at all, just curious, but his words had stabbed right through me. I was a little flustered and unsure what to say. I’d barely remembered that conversation myself. Should I even be surprised Shisui remembered and Itachi caught on who Shisui was talking about in the first place? I sighed and wished I’d kept my stupid mouth shut. Now I was discussing war with a depressed four-year-old.

“It is the way the world works, but I realised it a little too late that if you give into it, you’ll never get out,” I admitted, looking seriously into the boy’s eyes now.

I didn’t know why I opened up about something so severe to Itachi at four of all times, but I knew he would understand. He seemed to grasp concepts beyond his age. It was scary in its own right, and yet when I looked into his eyes, I saw a gentle soul, someone who’d seen terrible things already but wasn’t tainted by them, simply confused. Maybe Fugaku had taken him out to war to witness it firsthand already, like he had in the story. That was definitely a bad move on the man’s part, but it defined how Itachi began to view the world.

Plus Itachi—well future Itachi—from the story had always reminded me too much of myself. He was basically me if my situation was a hundred times worse. Not only did he have to kill his parents, but his entire Clan, and then he had to torture his own brother to play the bad guy. With Fugaku as Hokage, and Danzo out of the picture, that would never happen, and this kid—well maybe he wouldn’t end up being me.

“If it is what it is, how do you not give in?” Itachi pressed.

I faltered at that. I scratched my neck uncomfortably and looked away. Kami this boy was persistent. Why was he so curious right now anyway? Was it because of what Shisui had relayed to him about my earlier ant-analogy?

“I’m not sure Itachi-kun,” I said as gently as I could, hoping the regret didn’t show in my eyes, but knowing the boy could see through me like I was transparent somehow didn’t give me much confidence in that. “I knew a woman who chose her own morals over her family. I never could, but I did the best I could—sometimes that’s all you can do.”

“The best I can do?” Itachi murmured looking down in thought.

“One day you might find yourself in a hopeless situation, and the best is all you can do,” I said softly before I snapped out of this depression bubble he had put me in and shouted a loud, “ANYWAY” that scared the boy right back out of his thoughts. “Look kid, go get yourself some friends. Live a little. You’re only a midget gaki right now, so you shouldn’t be worrying about war. Leave that to the slightly taller gakis for now,” I said patting his head. “Anyway I gotta go set up my little brother straight. I’ll see you again sometime!”

He waved a half-hearted goodbye while I body flickered away in relief. I needed to remind myself not to discuss philosophy with that kid when he was older. I would probably end up being too introspective, and that always hurt my brain. For now I needed to find my wayward little brother.

* * *

I couldn’t help but jump scare my little brother. Practically teleporting next to him when he was complaining about me had scared the absolute pants of him. Even his little rag-tag group of friends seemed to suddenly fear me. I grabbed him by his waist and picked him up around my side like he was a parcel or something.

“Nee-chan!” he grumbled in indignation.

“Sorry kiddos, but it’s time for some sibling bonding so we’ll have to go now,” I said patting my brother’s head and then using the body flicker to take us over the trees and towards my favourite lake.

Tsukiya groaned, turning green by the end of the trip as I set him on the grass and steadied him. I chuckled at his sick expression. It got some getting used to travelling at those speeds.

“Y-You’re the worst,” he complained.

“What? I thought you said I was the coolest, most awesome nee-chan,” I said in mock hurt.

“You were until today,” he grumbled, crossing his arms, pouting, and sitting down on the spot.

I squatted next to him and put an arm around to force him into a side hug. Despite wanting to look irritated he didn’t pull away.

“Look Tsu-chan—”

“—It’s Tsukiya- _kun_ , I’m not a baby anymore,” he demanded.

“Ok Tsu- _kun_ ,” I amended before I continued, “You know I wouldn’t let you do something silly right. That’s what neechan’s are for. We stop our little imouto’s from doing silly things.”

“I wasn’t being silly,” he groused.

“Then why were you picking on Itachi-chan?”

“Cause all the Uchiha’s think they’re so great, and he’s always ignoring us… plus Izumi-chan thinks he’s cute, but he’s really not!”

Ohh jealousy at _five_! Kids these days had a lot of spicy romantic drama apparently.

“Well think about it this way. If Izumi-chan liked you and Itachi-chan decided to throw kunai at you with his friends because of it, would you like it?”

Tsukiya puffed out his cheeks and began sulking at the ground. Ha! The good old reverse logic. Gets them every time, adult, or children.

“No,” he admitted after a while.

“So instead of bullying Itachi-chan, you should show Izumi-chan how cool you are instead,” I advised.

Tsukiya lit up at that. I almost wished I could take my words back because he had that look in his eyes that screamed ‘teach me’!

“No—No I’m not teaching you jutsu,” I sighed.

“Aww but come on, it’s just to impress her!”

I looked around and decided to speak only when the man walking by had gone past listening distance. I looked Tsukiya down seriously.

“Being a Shinobi isn’t a joke,” I said gravely.

“I know it isn’t! Tai-nii said it was dangerous!”

“Then you need to understand that unless you have something to protect you should never become a Shinobi,” I continued on as serious as ever.

Tsukiya looked uncomfortable under my serious look, but he needed to know. I didn’t want him to become a Shinobi because he thought it was cool. If he found a worthy reason, I wouldn’t try to stop him, but becoming a Shinobi for some clout would get you killed, and I wanted him very much alive. It was alright if I scared him a little now if it meant he’d be safe in the future.

“That’s not why I want to be a Shinobi though,” he admitted. “I want to be like you. I want to be strong.”

“You don’t have to be a Shinobi to be strong. Tai-nii isn’t a Shinobi but he beats me around,” I said gently.

“Yeah but Tai-nii beats _everyone_ around,” Tsukiya grumbled, rubbing his head as if remembering an old punishment.

I chuckled at his reaction. “There was a time when nii-san was very scared of everything though.”

Tsukiya gasped in disbelief. It was incredibly adorable, maybe more so than even Itachi… although maybe that was my bias speaking.

“I’ll let you become a Shinobi if you can understand why he got so strong, but if you can’t figure it out, you’ll have to say no to the Academy. Deal?” I asked.

Tsukiya nodded eagerly. “I’m gonna find out why big brother is so scary even to you and I’ll definitely become a Shinobi. Believe it!”

I chuckled forcefully wondering why in all the 9 hells would Tsukiya quote Naruto’s catchphrase now of all times. I found myself going through a pinkie promise either way. I really hoped he’d never understand why Taichi became the way he was. Sometimes it was ok to be a spoilt brat… sometimes it was ok to be weak. It just meant there was someone strong there, so you didn’t have to be. I really did hope that Tsukiya wouldn’t find the answer.

* * *

I found myself rolling on the field, a large mass of fur now settled on my back and I sunk my face into the dirt below. Gaku’s loud rumbling laughter filled the field with a sort of jolly echo that I had very much come to miss over the years. He’d taken time away from his team for me, which admittedly meant a lot. Yama sitting on me was probably a product of the dog being unwilling to let me go again. He thought I was going to leave again and he didn’t like it, which was incredibly cute.

“You’ve gotten good. You’re making me sweat. At this rate you’ll surpass me before you’re even twenty and I’ll be left in the dust.”

I laughed at that. “You should be honoured, you know? Who else can claim to have such an epic student?”

“Good to see your shameless confidence hasn’t left you.”

“Yama, get of me you mutt,” I grumbled playfully as I rolled over and reversed the roles by positioning myself over his thick comfortable fur.

I let out a sigh of contentment. That was some great sparring. I’d missed having some physical fun like this. Probably came close to the excitement that came with fighting a worthy opponent, except without the unadded benefit of spilling blood at the end.

“Spars are the best,” I said pleased.

“Shall I take that in writing for Guy? He’ll probably propose to you on the spot,” Gaku barked a laugh.

“Ew no, please he’s just a kid,” I grumbled flustered.

Gaku actually paused at that, turned me with a curious look as if just realising something.

“Wait a second, how _old_ are you actually?”

“46,” I said casually.

Gaku’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor and it was my turn to laugh. Oh kami was it good to finally be acknowledged as my age.

“All this time I just thought you had an aversion to dating… to think you had reason,” he said shaking his head in disbelief. “So how does this reincarnation thing work? If I can ask?”

I pressed my lips together suddenly uneasy. “I’m new to it too. It’s the first time I remembered being reincarnated into one of my lives.”

“ _One_ of your lives?” he asked.

“When Inoichi looked into my mindscape I saw the countless other lives I’ve lived all locked away in from my memory. I really don’t want this to happen again but for some reason the body I died in before—it wasn’t locked away like the others.”

Gaku sat cross legged paying the utmost attention. I couldn’t blame him. Actual confirmation about the afterlife was rather hard to come by and I bet most people would spend their entire lives searching for the truth. I was just glad I could finally tell someone who wanted to listen, because apparently the Hokage didn’t care about the afterlife.

“But there’s no confirmation that if you were to… _die_ again, you’d remember this life?” Gaku asked.

I remembered the being’s words. There was someone else. I shook my head, feeling that familiar existential dread creep back up.

“There was something there… when I was fighting Danzo he activated a backup seal and for a moment I crossed into the plane of existence in-between worlds. Then once more when Inoichi pushed me into the recesses of my mind. I heard the same… voice? No it wasn’t a voice. It was some kind of inexplainable communication that had nothing to do with words or feelings. It was simply pushing knowledge into my conscious.”

“This is incredible,” Gaku said wide eyed.

I nodded, but then grimaced at what I remembered. “It told me that there was someone else like me, but they’d lived millennia, and more than a dozen lives already. I doubt they can stand it… I doubt I could again.”

I palmed the omamori in my pocket and tried to ignore how much I had opened up one of my biggest fears just then. Gaku squeezed my shoulder in reassurance and I smiled forcefully to ease up again.

“I didn’t think about how hard it would be. What was your life like before this? Where you a Shinobi? Is that why you’re so good at this?” he asked with a grin.

“No, no, in fact Shinobi weren’t really a thing where I came from,” I explained.

“The land of Iron then? Samurai?” Gaku asked.

I shook my head again, this time feeling nostalgic at my thoughts. “You wouldn’t believe me.”

“I just got confirmation my gaki student is actually older than me, and that she remembers a past life. Try me,” he said dryly.

“Fine. I wasn’t from the elemental nations. In fact I think I was from an entirely different universe or alternate reality, because the sun and the moon are the same, but the constellations are different, and the Elemental Nations didn’t exist.”

I gave him a ‘told you so’ look when his jaw dropped again as if he was trying to piece together the secrets of the universe—which in this scenario seemed to be entirely what he was trying to do.

“Impossible,” he said in disbelief.

“What, so you can easily accept that I’m a reincarnation, but you can’t accept that I reincarnated from another world?” I asked raising my brow in confusion.

“I’m sure you’re a little too young to read any religious scripts, but the myths of old has always proclaimed the reincarnation cycle. I’m not too much of a religious nut, but I still do believe in the possibility of it. Most older Shinobi take a year or two to make a pilgrimage to the fire temple. At our age death seems around every corner, and a few of the priests there proclaim to be reincarnated.”

I wanted to ask about the priests but instead I shut my mouth and stopped myself. Not the time… not to mention I almost didn’t want to know if they were. If it turned out that they were just lying, then all my hopes would crash and burn and then I’d be left sulking like an Uchiha for a few months. I really didn’t need that kind of emotional beat down right now.

“You’re like 35. You need to calm down,” I joked, although I knew what he meant about short lives in this world.

“Sure thing old woman,” he joked back rolling his eyes, before his face went back into thought. “A different world with a different history? What was it like?” he asked enraptured by the idea.

“We didn’t have Shinobi, or any form of easily accessible chakra, so we developed mechanical weapons beyond the ones here.”

“So war was still very much rampant?” he asked frowning.

I nodded. “It was complicated by the invention of a weapon called a Nuclear Bomb. Essentially it could wipe out the entirety of Konoha in one drop, and the surrounding forest in under 3 seconds. It was dropped on a place called Japan during the 2nd World War. A whole city was levelled. The land is basically toxic to this day and unable to be inhabited without severe mutation defects or life-threatening illnesses.”

Gaku looked pale at that and I couldn’t help but agree. It was almost crazier than what a Rinnegan could do.

“Kami, how has your world not become uninhabitable?” he asked.

“It very nearly did. The first Country to use the bomb was America, and they used two and ended the Second World War entirely. Then for a few decades we had the Cold War, where the great world powers began all accumulating Nukes, and everyone was waiting for a Nuclear War to rain an Apocalypse. There were a few scares, but everyone agreed to not drop it because literally no one would win. Because of this there’s this sort of fickle peace, although it doesn’t stop us from still having smaller scale warfare in certain unfortunate places.”

I thought it was kind of like the Bijuu, because every Nation had one, but no one used them.

“Are you from this America?” he asked.

“No,” I snorted. “I’m actually from this large continent slash island situated at the south eastern end. Basically a large Empire 200 years before I was born, dumped all of its convicts there, and it became a place for settlers across the sea from different nationalities. Currently it’s a pretty great place, although most of it is basically Suna with less sand and more rock. Not very good for farming in the middle so everyone’s all crowded up in the cost. But we had the most amazing beaches, and we had large _bunnies_ the size of mini horses that would hold their babies in pouches and beavers with poisonous gills and duck beaks, and little tree bears that has about the IQ of Guy after a hard workout. And not to mention a _lot_ of poisonous creatures, and I mean a _lot_. There’s this rock called Uluru the size of a small mountain, and I mean a _rock._ But I think the best part was the cities with bridges bigger than the Hokage monument.”

“Sounds almost like something out of a fantasy novel,” Gaku said in amazement.

“Ha the irony of that,” I chuckled. “In my old world what we could do with chakra was basically the tales of many fantasy novels.”

“It sounds like an interesting place,” he commented.

My smile died. “It was…”

“You miss it?”

“Most days I don’t have the time to miss it, but when I think about it, it’s almost like a part of me is still there. I had a family… a wife.”

“A wife?” Gaku asked wide eyed. “So you were a man in your past life?”

I shook my head.

“Oh so it was normal there?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah not in all places, and people are still learning to tolerate, but mostly people learned to let others have their rights. Last I heard people were saying that gender was a social construct.”

“I’m not following?” Gaku said in confusion.

“Me either. I didn’t really keep up with it to be honest although I’d planned to. I was never that interested beyond voting to get my marriage rights. That wasn’t my fight so I hadn’t really done my research and I died before I could really look into it… I died before I could learn a lot of things though,” I admitted sheepishly.

“I keep forgetting that being reincarnated entails dying. You know if you don’t want to discuss things, it’s fine, but I think it’s not good to let a loved one’s memory leave unheard.”

“You want to hear about my life?” I asked to which Gaku nodded. “It’s not that interesting if I’m being honest.”

“It’s still your life so I’m still interested.”

I smiled at that, and then I began my story, explaining where my parents came from, how I was raised with an overachieving cousin who laid his life down to save mine, how I spent every day from then on trying to make his sacrifice worth it, how I met my wife who was dancing on the streets of Spain, how I fell onto her awkwardly because I couldn’t dance at all. Then I reluctantly went on about my time working at the pharmaceutical, how businesses in capitalism mostly ended up being a way for business owners to extort as much money as they could when the supply was low and the demand was high. How I worked in the system helping but at the same time making things worse.

“And that was my life,” I said.

“Well that is anticlimactic. Didn’t you leave your company and start a low-cost medical service or something?” Gaku asked looking disappointed.

I snorted in exasperation and crossed me arms. “It isn’t a story. I didn’t have some kind of character arc. I choked on a vegetable in my ramen broth and died suddenly.”

Gaku snorted and then held his mouth like he was trying to stop himself from laughing. I huffed in indignation, feeling incredibly embarrassed about admitting my lame as death.

“The universe apparently has a sense of humour _Hina_ ,” he said in amusement, trying and failing to look serious and sympathetic.

“Yeah, yeah laugh it up, I’m named after the thing that killed me. I get it,” I said rolling my eyes before Gaku’s contagious laughter made me break into giggles too.

It was good… good to know that Catherine would be remembered by someone else in this world besides me. It felt like for the first time in my life I could truly be myself with someone. Not just Suzuki Hina an eleven-year-old Jounin, but also Joanne Linus a thirty-five-year-old pharmacist. I looked at my old sensei and felt my heart warm at his presence.

“Thank you,” I said sincerely.

“Anything for you, kiddo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year and thanks for all your patience guys. I’ll be back on a weekly once updating schedule again now!  
> I love the fact that despite knowing Hina is chronologically older than him, Gaku still treats her like she’s his kid ToT It’s too cute. Well in all fairness, Hina is still somewhat a kid mentally because her biology is still affecting her emotional maturity.


	5. Chapter 5

Snap Back To Reality 57

* * *

It almost felt like it was right out of a spy movie. Shikaku sent me a discreet letter run by a Genin Corps boy and it was addressed as an invitation for a formal dinner at one of the more established Akimichi diners used to host dignitaries and such. It was like a no-fighting zone of sorts around the world, and even Shinobi reserved themselves from using underhanded assassination methods there. As such I didn’t need to bring weapons, although I didn’t change from my suddenly very average Jounin uniform that I’d taken to wearing over my custom kimono since my promotion. I needed to look like I was a cohesive part of this village’s team right now and that’s what I intended to be.

I entered the rather expensive looking hotel and handed over my scroll to the front desk. The lady didn’t give me a suspicious glance. She probably knew exactly who I was, but she did tell me that she had an eye for hidden weapons, and she wouldn’t have let me in if I had any on me. Then she turned courteous and showed me to my room. It kind of reminded of karaoke, how each of the rooms were shut off from the others… well karaoke if it was for rich officials.

The door was slid open to our very own private room and I felt more than a little ambivalent at the coming meeting. But I needed to push away my feelings, think about the important things and just accomplish them. Seeing Shikaku there however twisted my heart in a way that made me lose my composure for a second. I went back to my passive self and took a seat opposite him as the lady held out a writing pad ready to take our orders.

_Be rational. Don’t think too much on what he did. Think instead about the future._

“What are you going to order?” he asked, pushing my forced thoughts back to the present.

I turned to Shikaku and smiled cordially, although a sting of pain did arrive with his presence. _Betrayal_. I could not have imagined associating that word with Shikaku before. He had always been like a rather cool uncle, but now I knew where his loyalties truly lay, and it was with the village. For now I thought our goals aligned, but never again would I afford him my trust.

_Be rational Hina._

“What no, ‘hi how are you doing after your near execution Hina-chan’?” I asked, opting to play it cool.

Shikaku had the decency to look guilty. He scuffed up his hair and sighed as he stood up and sat beside me on the futon. Did he wish to talk on equal footing? It was an absurd image regardless. The feared strategic mind and Jounin commander sitting next to an eleven-year (nearly twelve) year old girl like an equal.

“I’ll get some Unagi,” I said decisively, sending the waitress a polite smile.

“Have you tried that before?” Shikaku asked.

I sent him a ‘don’t go there’ look. He shouldn’t treat me as casually as he did before, and even he knew it. I didn’t care about whatever guilt he felt, our relationship would never be the same again. I wanted something professional now. Whatever trust we had was lost.

“I’ll just have some plain udon,” Shikaku said handing the woman our menus.

“Any drinks?”

“Just some water will do.”

She bowed before leaving and closing the door. After she left both I and Shikaku lost whatever casualness we had before, and the room became palpably serious. I refused to break the silence however. Thankfully Shikaku was enough of an adult to do the right thing.

“What I did to you was despicable, I admit. But we do despicable things for the people we protect.”

I sighed and nodded. “You’re right, and I’m sure you know what I’ve done. You simply don’t have any physical evidence of it yet. But I’m willing to put that behind me for more important things.”

All those people who begged for their lives, all those people I ignored the screams of and wronged—I had played their lives of for the ‘bigger picture’—my family—and that was what Danzo had done, and what Shikaku did too. It was what I was going to continue to do.

“That is what I’m confused about, and it’s not an easy thing to admit being me,” he chuckled lightly. “Why are you doing this Hina?”

“Doing what?” I asked feigning confusion.

Shikaku looked a little exasperated. “Are we really going to pretend like I don’t know what’s going on?”

…

“Ok fine if you wish for me to spell it out—why are you endorsing Uchiha Fugaku? What does Orochimaru want from this?”

I felt a rise of indignation and snorted visibly in disbelief despite wishing I could keep my emotions in check.

“I’ll have you know it’s an insult that you think I’m Orochimaru’s lap-dog. Is it so hard to believe that Uchiha Fugaku has nothing to do with Orochimaru?” I asked.

Shikaku gave me a look and I felt my frustration rise. No wonder he decided to betray me and ordered my death. He didn’t see me as the kid he helped raise anymore but instead a loyal follower of someone who he knew would eventually be outed as a Village traitor. Because I was so young in his eyes it was no wonder, he thought I was wrapped around the Sannin’s fingers. I felt disgusted by the thought. I was no plaything to bigger men. I was my own individual with my own goals that certainly weren’t aligned with Orochimaru’s simply because he was stronger.

“This is why you betrayed me isn’t it. You ordered Rengoku to kill me because you knew somehow that I would aid Orochimaru in taking down Danzo before the wars end. You thought I was doing it for him?” I asked.

“I knew you would do it for yourself too, and I would not be able to stop you. Now this war is all but lost.”

Without my hindsight I would believe this village would lose the war too, but I knew what would happen. In the end it wasn’t ROOT that would help end this war. It was Minato perfecting his use of the Hiraishen and killing 1000 shinobi at once that would cease the war. That would certainly make getting Uchiha Fugaku the spot as Hokage harder, but I had a feeling persuasion was still an option.

“You haven’t killed me yet though,” I noted.

“What’s done is done, and it’s over now. I never wanted you dead Hina-chan, I simply had to look at the bigger picture for the sake of countless more lives… but I cannot hate you for what you did for your revenge.”

“Not even if I gave up my humanity for it?” I asked a little sullenly.

“Not even for that,” he said patting my shoulder, and then looking faraway. “I love this Village. I love it because it nurtured the people most precious to me, and there is always a level of selfishness in love. You and I—we are equally as selfish, except you reserve that selfishness for a handful of people while I reserve it for my Village.”

I scowled a little. “You sound like Danzo. Don’t lie to me Shikaku-san. Tell me, would you roll over and let someone—even this village— kill and leverage the lives of your close friends and family and still look at the big picture?”

He paused at that and then laughed hollowly. “I suppose not. You were put in an impossible position weren’t you Hina-chan? Can I ask you something first—do you regret what you’ve done to all those innocent people?”

It was hard not to grimace at his question. Shikaku knew what I did and knowing that he knew how despicable I was hurt in a way. I couldn’t lie to him now even if my throat constricted at the thought of admitting the truth. The fact that he hadn’t arrested me here and now spoke to the lengths he would go to make up for what he did.

“For a while I didn’t. I let myself believe I didn’t care so I could do what I did, that it was simply the way of things, but the hatred I felt—saying that it was the way of things and doing what Danzo did to me to others and still feeling the hate I did for Danzo was hypocritical,” I admitted. “It’s why even now I cannot be truly mad at you for trying to kill me.”

“I’m glad you didn’t die,” he said softly.

I looked up in shock and then looked away quickly, trying not to feel too much sympathy again. I couldn’t let myself get carried away by these emotions, hoping for the same devotion I gave freely to my precious people to be returned to me. I didn’t deserve that kind of devotion anyway. I had wholly tainted anything worth anyone’s life. All I could do now was atone with mine.

Not a moment later there was a knock on the door and the food arrived. I couldn’t bring myself to eat it eagerly like I normally would, instead I sat by and mulled what to say. I needed to convince him what I was doing was worth it.

“Shikaku-san… the reason I’m trying to get Uchiha Fugaku into the Hokage position is because in the short moment I saw him—I saw a man who was loyal to his family first, loyal to the village second, and someone who knew the hard ways of the world third. For too long this Village has been run by idealists, which is dangerous for its people. This world is not ideal—the situations we find ourselves is definitely not ideal as you and I know all too well. I don’t want to speak treason to the Jounin commander,” I said sardonically, and then continued anyway, “but our Lord-Third has bent over for an old friend amassing power for this vague _ideal_ of friendship. We don’t need another idealist; we need someone willing to do what’s right.”

“You’re right, that is treason,” Shikaku laughed, but he didn’t sound all too chiding. “It’s no secret to us Clan Heads that you didn’t forgive him for his apology that day.”

“And I will never. I still hate Danzo, and I can never forgive Hiruzen for turning a blind eye to my pain—but it is all simply emotions that won’t change a thing of our situation. From now on I want to be realistic. I want to permanently fix my issues instead of drowning in my emotions. To do that I need someone, not idealistic, but someone unafraid to dig deep into the issues facing this village to fix them. Someone who’s experienced what discrimination and injustice feels like, so they won’t perpetuate it.”

Shikaku paused for a second and then we fell into a silence while we ate. I enjoyed the quiet that this secluded spot in this restaurant brought us both. It was in these moments of pause that we were allowed to think, and thinking was something the both of us did in spades.

“You’re using this to get me on your side, aren’t you?” he asked, with a hint of… amazement?

“Yes, I know you’ll be in the meeting when the next Hokage will be appointed,” I admitted.

“How old are you again?” he asked incredulously.

“Eleven,” I smiled.

“Troublesome girl… to think that one day it would be possible to even imagine appointing an Uchiha as Hokage,” he snorted in disbelief.

“My rumours have spread?” I asked suddenly interested.

“Of the ‘Wicked Eye’ Uchiha? Yes, and I’m surprised you got it to stick after the council tried so hard to crush it.”

“Those old geezers are worried about the Uchiha Clan gaining too much power, which they should be because their eyes can see through their bullshit,” I snorted.

That actually got a chuckle out of Shikaku and I couldn’t help but smile too, reminded of our old familiarity with each other. It was soured still, but even a taste of what it had been was sweet. For some reason forgiving him didn’t seem so impossible. Kami knows I had a soft spot for Needle, and our inevitable meet-up would end in certain death next time. Murdering me was apparently fine, but I still hated that he put my teammates in trouble.

“How did you know it was me? I’m assuming Tomi-san would have kept it discreet to not trace it back to me.”

“I’m the Jounin Commander Hina-chan, not to mention the Head of War Tactics. I need to know what goes on the inside as much as I do the outside. While you’ve been spreading rumours, you should know your sensei disapproves of them. The Council are thinking of voting Orochimaru in from the looks of things. Of course they wouldn’t have Hokage-sama’s vote this time. But you need to be careful in how you cover your tracks. I have no idea how he’ll react to his own student endorsing another candidate,” Shikaku warned.

I nodded my head gravely. I didn’t want my endorsement to be public knowledge in the first place. It did occur to me that Orochimaru would not take kindly to me deviating from his plans, but I’d already made up my mind to take my own path regardless of the odds. It didn’t mean I shouldn’t be careful how I played things and how I let others perceive me though. This was still the Shinobi world, and it had its own set of underhanded rules.

“I’ll keep him off your trail for now,” Shikaku said, surprising me with his defence.

I wanted to thank him but thanking him felt wrong. I needed more than his help. I needed his support.

“So will you do it? Will you recommend Uchiha Fugaku?”

“Considering the other three options are the Sannin, and possibly Minato, I see no reason to object. For a gaki you’re rather good at diplomacy. Do you want a future job in the relations department?”

“Kami no, that would be too troublesome. Once Uchiha-san is appointed I’m steering clear of politics and getting myself a job in R&D.”

“You would suit research, but I’ll be keeping an eye on you. Nothing illegal anymore,” Shikaku warned.

Even if his tone was light, that did stifle my earlier smile. Nothing good came from the reminders of my crimes and my hypocrisy. It was easy to hurt others and hate others for hurting you. It was hard to look inside and see the evil there—but once you did it stuck with you.

“I don’t want to do it again,” I said softly.

“But you would?”

I nodded. “If I had to, if it kept the people precious to me safe, there is not one thing in this world I wouldn’t do. You should know this by now ‘oh great tactical mind’.”

Shikaku snorted at my attempt to deflect the seriousness of my admission.

“There are rarely any humans who deal entirely in logic Hina-chan. That’s something you will learn to understand. Whilst it is a sensible thing to want to be impartial and trust only in facts, you should be wary of those who claim to only deal in facts over their personal agenda. For those people—look underneath the underneath.”

“Sound advice,” I agreed. “Anymore wisdom to impart?”

“No I’m all out of elderly wisdom now. You used up my quota. But I do have some intel,” he said catching my interest.

Shikaku pulled out a thick book from his shirt and handed it to me. I took it and noted it was a Bingo book. There was a folded page corner and so I turned to it and Fugaku Uchiha’s face was clearly on it. This was a Bingo book from Iwa. I read his lengthy description, but his moniker caught my eye, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“The ‘Wicked Eye’ Uchiha,” I said in glee.

“The name’s stuck already past Konoha’s walls more easily than it did inside. Everyone else has been able to admit his accomplishments because they cannot afford to overlook his skills in Genjutsu in battle. I’m simply impressed you managed to make it work inside these walls. The Uchiha name has never been popular.”

“Never underestimate the power of merchants and civilians. The Shinobi who’ve worked for Fugaku has always been supportive, but in the end it’s the civilian population that needed the push to accept the Uchiha,” I said pleased.

Tomi really did do a great job of my ridiculous demands. To think Rui’s mother not only spread the word but gathered this much respect for an Uchiha. The Village had been unfairly stippling their reputation for too long now. It was time for the Senju to take a backseat for a bit and let their founding partners take over for a while.

“That’s not all. Turn to page 63.”

I did so and wasn’t surprised to see my terrible photo still there. They had kept the picture of me when I was 6 that looked like I was about to sneeze. Goddammit the cringe was too much. I shook my head and tried to get back on topic and then looked down to see something very surprising.

“An A class threat?” I said in awe.

“Not many Chunin who get that rank,” Shikaku said.

Well I was Jounin now, but because that was such a recent event, they probably didn’t have the time to update it. It would have been a pity considering my Jounin photo looked a lot less stupid. Ah the joys of getting a new ID.

“Oh look here, it details me having killed Danzo and 350 ROOT agents in one day. Maa, I don’t want to feel proud, but I do.”

Shikaku didn’t look too impressed by that though judging from his irked expression. I didn’t regret destroying the Foundation itself, but I had no idea about how to feel about the deaths of the children within ROOT. I had already committed worse crimes. There was very little I could do that would be worse than what I’d already done.

“We have caught the 24 ROOT agents that had been outside of Konoha during the incident. We’re holding them for now until we can screen them for their loyalty.”

“And their cursed seals?” I asked.

“Have been disarmed by none other than Orochimaru.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked suspiciously.

“Because there’s a potential that those 24 people may seek revenge in the future. It’s a warning. I can’t give out identities. This is the extent of the information I can give you for today,” he said getting up. “But for now, our goals align.”

For now, huh? I waved him a goodbye before I turned back to the book and flipped through the pages. I wasn’t surprised to see both Anko and Rui now in this. As students of Orochimaru they too were expected to be strong. In hindsight I shouldn’t have been sipping a drink because I nearly spat it out at what I saw next.

**Hatake Kakashi**

**Konohagakure Jounin**

**Age-11**

**Missions Completed**

**D-24**

**C-12**

**B-32**

**A-45**

**S-4**

**Do not engage unless in a Strike Team as he is often found alongside his sensei Namikaze Minato. He is known for his prowess in all nature manipulations, Kenjutsu, Ninjutsu, and Taijutsu, and is the youngest known Jounin recorded in Konoha’s history. Although it is not confirmed it is rumoured that he now possesses the visual prowess of the Uchiha Doujutsu the Sharingan. Take precaution when confronted.**

Kakashi was Jounin already… at _eleven_? Not to mention the amount of S class missions he’d already been on was insane. I wiped my nose where some of the water I was drinking had spurted out embarrassingly in my shock, and then got back to reading. There was a list of Ninjutsu and other techniques he was seen using. I was just shocked that he’d managed to make Jounin so young, although I really shouldn’t be considering how much of a prodigy he was. I probably wouldn’t hold a candle to him in the future… no I couldn’t think like that. I needed to aim way above Kakashi if I wanted to keep my family safe. If people like Pain existed that could level a whole village, then I needed to be just as, if not stronger.

“You’re always one step ahead of me, aren’t you,” I mumbled looking at the serious expression on his photo, one of a hardened killer.

And to think he was the kid who used to play ninja-tag with me when we were children—if we ever had been children that is. I sighed tiredly. It was hard to remember, but I would remind myself that the future wasn’t so shitty. Well things would probably get a little shitty, but it would never be this bad, and if I could help it there wouldn’t be another war to speak of. A little bit of peace never killed anyone… although it’d probably make Anko fat with the amount of dango she’d eat lazing around.

* * *

I was only allowed a week which was unheard of, but I didn't complain. Taichi looked like he wanted to scream and shout at the Hokage Monument every time we went out together. Tsukiya was pestering him about strength but even that wasn't enough to distract him from the fact that I was leaving him once again.

This would probably be my fate until the war ended or until the Hokage could find a way to keep me away from Orochimaru. There was no rest for the wicked.

But I had one day left to relax and I was happy to do it at home with my team invited and Mebuki coming along with the husband I had heard so much about. It was a good day, full of laughter and food and time to sit and enjoy each other’s company. Seeing Rui talk to Haruno Kizashi about his business was refreshing. Anko and Mebuki got along a little too well, and I personally allowed myself to lean back and simply listen in.

"The baby is so close," Mebuki said happily as she held her stomach in content.

Anko was mesmerised by the idea of a baby the entire night. Matsu too, although he tried not to admit it. Watching them fawn over the stomach like it was a miracle wad refreshing in some ways.

"Isn't it amazing?" Anko asked me as she finally decided to take a back-seat from all the chatter and sit with me in my quiet corner.

"It is," I admitted.

"Not in the chatty mood huh. Moping around, are we?" she snickered.

I shook my head. "No I was actually enjoying everything. It's nice to just take it all in once in a while. Plus watching Matsu try not to blush at the mention of birth is comedy gold."

"He is fun to tease. Must run in the family huh, Vege-senpai," she snickered. "Although I think I prefer Tsuki-kun. He's a lot cooler than you."

"Sure, sure you just don't want to admit you love me. Like a typical tsundere," I chuckled.

"Baka!" she shouted in mock hurt as she playfully hit my shoulder.

That actually managed to get a chuckle out of me. She laughed too and I found it looked good on her, like it suited her face for it to be pulled up in a wide grin. On me it was always creepy, but with her it lit up her entire aura.

"What are you staring at? Am I that beautiful?" she asked.

I turned away too quickly feeling more embarrassed by the sudden action than anything. I snorted in irritation and she chuckled at my expense. Her laughter died down too quickly though and when I turned back to her, she looked... sad.

"We're not going to be a team anymore are we. You're Jounin now and we're still under Orochimaru-sensei. I just don't understand why they would change your team around if you already know how to work with us," she groused angrily.

If only she knew what Orochimaru and I had done, maybe then she would understand why this was a light punishment for me compared to what I deserved.

"It doesn't matter what team I'm assigned. You guys will always be my underlings," I chuckled.

"Sure, sure get your wallet ready for the rest of your life then _Senpai_ ," she grinned.

I laughed nervously at that, but I felt it too, that loss of my team. It felt wrong to be assigned elsewhere, even if it was back to Gaku. But I understood. We were hard pressed for soldiers. The war was coming to some kind of conclusion and I had fucked it up by taking a chunk out of the forces. It was expected that I'd be thrown right back into the middle as recompense.

"Once this war is over, I'll ask for a transfer back to you guys," I offered.

"No don't, we'll probably only hold you back," Anko said surprising me.

"You wouldn't," I huffed in irritation.

"Sometimes you forget how frustratingly strong you are. For kami's sake you're eleven and you're already Jounin. I'm fourteen and being a Chunin at this age is apparently a really good deal. It's like you forget how insane you are sometimes," she said shaking her head.

"I don't think about my age often," I admitted.

"It's good you at least act it sometimes because when you're at work it's almost like you're just like sensei."

"I'm not," I defended hotly for a second only to receive a confused look.

"Relax vege-chan, that was a compliment," she laughed.

"I know... but I'm not Orochimaru-shishou. I'm my own person."

"Shishou, not sama anymore? Oh... should have realised from the tattoos and the earrings that he took you on as a personal student," she said slowly, hiding an undercurrent of jealousy behind her light tone that couldn't fool me.

One day when she would find out the ugly truth, she would know this wasn't really a good thing. For now though she would probably feel abandoned by the sensei she venerated. I lightly punched her shoulder, breaking her from her thoughts.

"It doesn't matter what he thinks. You're my teammate and you're more important to me. Now why don't we finish of those apple tarts before the boys can beat us to it?"

Anko grinned and nodded and we rushed in for the food.

* * *

I was in a standard Konoha Jounin outfit. No kimono, no shorts, no custom outfit except my shoes. I felt incredibly professional and impersonal in the standard gear, but it felt good in its own unique way. I tied up my long hair into a ponytail at the nape of my neck and said my goodbyes.

It was time to go to the warfront again. Not a sabotage mission but the actual warfront. The only time I'd been in it was when I was with Gaku originally. He was a front-line fighter unlike Orochimaru who worked with more complex instructions on how to ruin enemy camps and cause dissent within their civilian population.

“Hey there kiddo,” he greeted with a large grin.

Yama bounded into me excitedly and liked my face all over. I laughed before telling him to sit down sternly. He whined but obeyed.

“Good to have you back by my side,” Gaku said shaking his head.

“What about Kurenai, Asuma and Guy?” I asked.

“They’ll be safer out at the border post. We need as many Jounin as possible in the front lines now. Everyone’s getting desperate and it’s become an all-out duke fest out there,” Gaku sighed.

“You mean everyone’s sussed out all the points of conflict and target routes so it’s impossible to sneak past enemy borders now without a head-front battle?” I surmised in thought.

Gaku gave me an impressed look. “I don’t like your bastard of a Sensei, but he did drill tactics and deduction into your head so I can’t complain,” he grumbled.

I mirrored his scowl. Well both of us didn’t find Orochimaru pleasing in any way shape or form, but we both had to admit, he was scary good at what he did, and I did suck in that knowledge of his as best I could.

“You look good in a flak jacket,” a familiar voice caught my attention.

I turned around to see Minato. His cool smile was brilliant. Goddammit he was too pretty to be smiling at me. I shouldn’t be swooning before going to war, it was distracting. Pretty boys were dangerous indeed. I noted Kakashi behind him and I smiled.

“Thanks Minato-san. I hope I can aid in this mission,” I said, trying to be as diplomatic and unaffected by his looks as possible.

I waved a hello to Kakashi but he didn’t reply. He nodded his head and left to stand by our group in silence. I sent Minato a worried look and his smile died.

“He’s had a hard time since our team… since Obito and Rin died,” Minato admitted as a flash of guilt crossed his face. “I know I shouldn’t ask you this in the middle of a mission, but can you be there for him? He respects you.”

I nodded quickly, seeing no reason to disagree. “Of course. Kakashi’s a valued friend,” I said frowning in worry as I turned to him.

I walked over to him and punched his shoulder with a grin. He grumbled as he rubbed the offending spot and turned to me with a glare. I smiled wider.

“Oh look at this, we’re going to be partners now,” I said, not having to hide my mild excitement at that.

“I’m not so sure you’ll enjoy it soon,” he said with enough self-hate to drown me as well.

He was still dealing with the grief of losing both his teammates. Most likely he was blaming himself for their deaths, and he was afraid of working together with someone else as well. But I knew he had changed. Kakashi was sad, maybe even depressed, but there was also something dark and dangerous behind his gaze. I didn’t like that look.

Maybe the me three years ago would have never touched directly upon the issue at hand, instead avoiding any and all topics that required even a glimpse of opening up, but I knew I had changed. I still guarded my heart zealously, but I was _trying_ not to. Kakashi was not at that stage yet, and while he would have been able to find some camaraderie in Guy, Guy could not truly help him realise the extent he was hurting himself.

I remembered my brother screaming at me and seeing Kakashi I understood why. My hatred, I reflected it inward now and so did he, and that hatred would affect the people we loved. There was no use being ignorant rather than self-aware of my own downfalls, even if my emotions worked against my rationalisation. Now wasn’t the time to drown in self-hate. Now was the time to push through and change this world. So I knew why I had begun opening up to the people around me. I couldn’t hide behind a venire of indifference anymore. I was hurting. Kakashi was hurting. This war was exacerbating the pain. It was time to do our jobs, and for me—it was time to finally be a friend worthy of the title.

“I know what it feels like too,” I spoke finally, despite how hard it was to admit this out loud. “And I might be a hypocrite telling you this when I can’t even forgive myself, but I think literally everyone is right when it comes to telling me to stop hating myself—it’s time for you to stop as well. Put your trust in me and I will in you. Take our victories as we take our failures.”

Kakashi looked wide-eyed at me, expressing more emotion in one eye than he could with his whole face for show. I waited patiently for a response, studying the range of conflicting emotions behind his dark eyes.

“I can’t,” he hissed.

“If not for you, then for everyone you know,” I insisted. “Your pain, we feel it too. It’s not on any one of us. Friends should share the burden.”

“It is my fault what happened,” he insisted, unable to take my hand.

“It’s the fault of many things. From this war, to individuals who played their roles, to our own human failings.”

“I—give me some time,” he relented.

I nodded. I couldn’t push him, like I couldn’t push myself. It was one thing to know I shouldn’t hate myself, it was another to hear that whispering doubt in the peripheral of your mind accusing you of your failure, of your guilt, and of the blood that would never leave your hands. I was coming to realise that this was the nature of decisions. Sometimes there was never a good option, sometimes a failure could be considered a victory. And the same could be said of war.

In the end we took our victories like we did our failures. Just like Gaku-sensei had told me.

Maybe the war wasn’t so different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some goddamn character development. It takes trying to help Kakashi through her same issue for her to stop being so bull-headed about her own problems. You can expect Hina to try and put her actions behind her and work for the future now. Try being the key word here XD The matters of the heart aren’t so easily swayed by reason and logic.
> 
> Anyway sorry for the late updates recently. Life has been kicking my ass left and right since covid, but 2021 hasn’t been any better ToT Also outlining the second book right now, and I don’t want to rush the updates until I’ve written enough. With such a big project like this, there’s bound to be plot holes if you do it chapter by chapter instead of going back and changing first drafts so please be patient.


	6. Chapter 6

Snap Back To Reality 58

* * *

We went back to work and back to war. My short moment at home had ended quicker than I'd ever anticipated. I could see it in the way the group moved how everyone was so tired. It had been a long five years of conflict. Many people had lost loved ones, some lost their will to fight and live. The only ones left were people hardened by war. It didn't matter if you were Genin or Jounin in that front, war equally hardened the soul.

"Are we taking down enemy lines at a trade post?" I asked Gaku.

It had been a while since I'd done anything but specific sabotage missions, so I had been saved from larger scale conflicts. While I did go out to the front lines it was almost always for infiltration and assassination missions with Orochimaru. Now I was going back to the centre of the war and I wasn't used to it at all.

"No, we've been fighting for so long that we know each other’s next targets by heart. We've lost too many forces attacking each other’s outposts. The conflict is centred around the border villages now, and we're expecting to push them back a village down. We’re currently fighting it out in the Land of Rice.”

"Just a village down?" I asked in disbelief.

"As I said it's incredibly slow. Basically were going straight into a war zone for direct contact nowadays," he explained.

I hummed. So basically, we'd exhausted our posts so much we were using poor border villages to get a base. I could just imagine how shitty that would be for the civilians in those towns. It was hard to think all the proper military posts were destroyed now. My team had done a great job at dismantling several supply lines in the past and no doubt Orochimaru did a lot more during my mission to Kiri. Both sides were tired now but Konoha especially so. It wasn't foreign knowledge that we'd probably end up losing this war. That did worry me a little. Just a little though. If we lost things would be hard, but with Suna backing us up Kumo and Iwa couldn't ransack the Village. At that stage it would be a war between the Daimyo's too and when nobility got involved things get very complicated. They did hate each other but they also had assets to protect.

"Don’t think about the schematics too hard. Just do your job in the field and you'll be fine. I have to warn you though. It's nothing like you've ever seen before. It's hard to think training even matters in that chaos," he said honestly.

I paled a little and he chuckled, patting my shoulder. So it was almost like the war I’d heard of from my old world, where luck mattered a heck of a lot more than training. I didn’t quite like the sound of that. I wasn’t a very lucky person after all, and the only part I enjoyed in a fight was the challenge, not the luck of it all.

"It’s good to be scared. Keeps you on your toes out there. Just don't freeze up."

I smirked a little and spoke in an African accent. "I never freeze."

Nope, I didn't just quote Black Panther. No one got my references anyway. So I ignored the confused look on Gaku's face as I laughed at my own joke.

* * *

It happened suddenly, without a moment’s notice. One minute we were travelling and the next I felt the change in the wind, and the sound of rustling leaves. I dropped the firewood I had been gathering and pushed Kakashi out of the way as kunai rained upon us. He recovered quickly, rolling to his knees before taking out his tanto and blocking several shuriken. I held out my palm and expertly caught the shuriken by their holes and looking up to pinpoint the enemy Shinobi on their tree perches. I smirked as they tched in annoyance as I stood back-to-back with Kakashi.

“Thought we were easy prey just because we were grabbing some supplies?” I teased.

The Iwa nin dropped to the ground. There were at least 5 of them, although only 3 had come down from their hiding spots. That wasn’t good odds, especially considering that they were at least high Chunin, if one could judge by chakra alone.

“Leaf brats sure do talk a lot!” the Iwa-nin laughed as he held a large Fūma Shuriken by a string, spinning it around in a wide circle with a grin.

Kakashi behind me held out his tanto defensively at the threat. I subtly stood forward, the itch of challenge taking me to its call. Kakashi didn’t think I could fight as well as he could against people wielding weapons. I whole heartedly disagreed. I got low in my beast form and grinned at the man whose expression quickly turned to irritation. He spun the weapon around more.

“Enough chit-chat! Kill them!”

Without waiting another moment he threw the shuriken straight at me. I quickly dodged making my way into attack radius. Before I could hit him, I felt the air pressure behind me change and I gripped the ground with my fingers before propelling my body upwards, jumping on top of the blade that would have otherwise cut me on half. I jumped back to the ground and Kakashi threw out his sword to block a few kunai. He glared at me and I smiled back infuriatingly no doubt.

“Leave him to me!” he growled.

I kicked a low-Chunin level Iwa nin off her feet and shook my head before taking another in a Taijutsu battle, tag-teaming him with Kakashi as I threw my weight entirely in a chakra enhanced jab at the man’s throat. He fell back, gasping painfully for air, before we dodged out of the way of the large shuriken. Kakashi looked at me and then at the enemy and I grinned. No way, was he taking the fun from me.

_Circle Step Form 4: Total Wind Phase!_

I shot forward in a gust of wind, he grinned as he spun the weight of his Fūma Shuriken to my side in a perfect trajectory. Before he could get me, I ducked and grabbed the string, ignoring how it ripped the skin off my palms. I dug my knees into the dirt and heaved the string my way, toppling the man of the centre of his gravity. While he recovered rather quickly, it wasn’t quick enough to stop me from grabbing his main weapon and flinging it at his head, lopping it straight off.

Before I could celebrate Kakashi threw up a mud dome wall around us as several Katon Jutsu were thrown our way from the trees. I winced at the blistering heat inside the dome as Kakashi struggled to keep it up. What were Shinobi with such intense Ninjutsu control doing acting as the standard back-up? I didn’t have time to question it was the mud wall turned a bright red from the sheer intensity of the heat. I didn’t want to be burnt to a crisp. It wasn’t a fun way to die, so I went through my hand seals. Tiger → Ox → Dog → Rabbit → Snake

_Wind Release: Great Breakthrough!_

The mud dome wall burst outward by the wind I had conjured around us, but I didn’t let go of the jutsu and Kakashi quickly copied my hand seals to achieve the same result. I grinned, unwilling to let him one-up me in my own jutsu. Sharingan or not, I didn’t have impeccable chakra control and the ability to mould fire and wind like a pro, for no reason. So I concentrated as I gathered the two elements around us in an inferno, before going through my hand seals again. Snake → Dragon → Rabbit → Tiger 

_Fire Release: Dragon Fire Technique!_

A dragon boosted by wind and created entirely of fire shot out into the air, twisting in its path until it caught in the tree of one of the Iwa-nin. The Shinobi jumped away, and normally that would be the end of the jutsu, but I twisted the dragon to his direction using the wind element to propel its pathway and he was caught in the maw of the fiery beast. A chilling scream rang out as Kakashi in the distance used a lightning jutsu that was equally as awe inspiring. It sounded like the chirping of birds, but it held a hot power as it shot through the enemy’s chest. I watched on impressed at the speed in which he dispatched the other Shinobi before turning to the Fūma Shuriken and picking it up. I spun around the weapon and quite liked the feeling of it in my hands.

“Is now the time to be picking up a weapon?” Kakashi asked with a ‘really look’.

“A girl can’t window shop?” I asked in amusement before I paused. “Actually scratch that, I’m looting this one of his corpse.”

“You’re morbid,” he muttered before turning his direction to the camp.

“They were ambushed no doubt. We should go,” I said.

“Minato-sensei no doubt made light work of them,” Kakashi replied, too relaxed to be safe.

Maybe having an S rank Sensei did that to him, but it didn’t do the same for me. Gaku was a Jounin sure, but he was just a normal Jounin. No amazing abilities, and no outstanding lineage or destiny. I didn’t have the luxury of feeling safe in battle, so I ran ahead. I stopped at the sight in front of me.

I stood in the middle of a bloody field. I'd never seen anything like it before. Hundreds of Shinobi clashed in their colours, large gusts of jutsu rained from either side and the sounds of exploding tags set the ears ringing and the earth shaking.

The front lines.

I'd barely had a moment to panic, my mind and body instead kicking into survival mode. Weeks of silent travelling forbode this moment in time when every single decision mattered. I had almost instantly activated my total concentration breathing. Instead of panicking I sent my chakra to my nose and ran straight to Gaku sensei. He shouted out my name and I engaged an enemy-shinobi who had double-teamed him. Yama bit the man’s leg, ripping out his flesh, and I quickly dispatched his neck from his shoulders. After that we barely had the time to acknowledge each other. I stuck close to Gaku and Yama as we both entered our beast stance.

"Give me wind support!" Gaku ordered.

I went through my hand-seals in quick succession before throwing wind blades at the Iwa Shinobi who preferred their range attacks. Then as Gaku barrelled into an opposing enemy I brought up my chakra enhanced palm to block a kunai to my face.

We had walked right into an Iwa ambush. 100 Konoha-nin to a 1000 Iwa. The odds were against us and we were being overwhelmed but I felt no fear. I felt an excitement that I wanted to ignore but couldn't. This battle had become a part of me, beating elation into my heart like an escalating drum, and so even when I was flanked the smile on my face simply grew. In the middle of a battle there was no time to fear anything.

"Gaku-sensei, cover me. It’s time!" I shouted expectantly.

To his credit he didn't even take a moment to question me and instead took point on ensuring none of the ranged attacks hit me. I got low into my beast stance and ran. My lungs sucked in air greedily, the drums of my heartbeat increasingly faster and the blood in my veins pumped and heated to my call. I could feel the countless chakra in the battlefield everywhere all at once, like I could suddenly sense the world in every minute detail.

_Total Concentration Breathing: Circle Step Form 4: Total Wind Phase!_

And just like that I began compounding my speed twisting my body almost blindingly around my opponents that my form itself was becoming a mirage. With Gaku taking care of the opponents attacks around me I was able to freely take my previous time to gain an incredible speed that even a Body Flicker could not compare to and in that moment, I knew what Gaku had trained me for. Speed and precision. The Circle Walk guided my steps and jumps, and the Tiger Palm struck fast and mercilessly.

The Shinobi around me didn't even have time to blink before my hooked fingers had ripped out their throats, stabbed into their lungs and severed their tendons. I could feel the chakra inside of me increase as my heart did and I wanted to continue but I knew I shouldn't. If I went further, I would die of heart failure and even I knew that, so I stopped compounding speed and continued in a mad haze to take as many lives as I could.

It wasn't until I had ripped through a third dozen enemy shinobi that a Jounin level enemy had intercepted my movement with a painfully punch to my gut. I was flung by my sheer momentum down into the middle of the battle, crashing into someone I could barely recognise the allegiance of.

"Hina!"

Before I could regain my senses, before I even saw the katana coming down at my neck, Yama had bitten into the blade, growling, teeth bared at its owner. I coughed blood and then stumbled to my feet to deflect a volley of shuriken coming my way. 10 more enemy Shinobi were circling me and even I wondered if I could win this. Yet I didn't stop.

"Come at me!" I shouted; teeth bared similarly to the dog besides me.

A few faltered at my eagerness but I got quickly into my stance deflecting a kunai, twisting it out of the man's grip and jabbing my fingers into his throat, larynx, and chest in such a brutal succession that he was on the floor writhing. Yama bit the man coming at me to my right and I bit my thumb before summoning a horde of snakes from my sleeves and mouth. They dug into the ground and the shinobi around me charged at my moment of preparation. What came next was a mad rush to block several coordinated attacks. Being so overwhelmed I knew I would die soon, but I hadn't summoned my snakes for no reason. They shot out from the earth, baring their venomous teeth into the flesh of several Iwa nin. They shouted, jumping away.

"Fuck you. Kill this bitch!" one of the older women growled.

Yama was kicked away, and the sound of his pained whine propelled me forward in fury. Before he could be stabbed by a kunai Gaku had blocked the attack and stabbed his hands through the man's chest.

"Let's show these stoned idiots that Konoha Shinobi are a league above them," Gaku grinned, cracking his blood dripping knuckles.

I grinned back in response. Ah yes, the look of absolute terror on their faces at our blasé attitude to battle was what was making them falter. By all rights we should have given up and died. I hadn't even realised that my killing intent was incredibly potent because I had been enjoying the adrenaline a little too much. I should feel guilty for finding pleasure in this but at the heat of the moment my morality didn't even register, and all I could do was enjoy the absolutely enticing challenge in front of me. It was one of the few personality traits I had brought over from my old life that stuck to me even now.

Unfortunately for us, we were still overwhelmed. I took a volley of kunai to my back while I engaged in a Taijutsu battle and Yama was limping. Gaku was the only one so far without any grievous injuries. I let out a muffled gasp of pain when my leg was kicked out from underneath me and a kunai was placed at my throat.

This was the end huh... no fucking way. I grabbed the woman's shirt from behind and pulled with all my strength until she flipped over and slammed onto the ground. Her kunai cut deep into my collar bone, but I pulled it out quickly to regain my composure. It wasn't enough because I was detained by a larger man this time, his body slamming me to the ground and pinning my arms above me.

I expected a struggle and then a kunai to my abdomen, but it never came. Instead a three-pronged kunai embedded itself into the ground next to me and then in a blink of an eye the man's heavy weight was off my shoulders. I struggled to stand up and process my thoughts when suddenly the battlefield became incredibly silent.

When I next turned around, I could hardly tell what was happening. Iwa Shinobi began falling left and right, a hole left in their heads, heart, throats, and abdomen as they fell to the ground in a withering heap of gory flesh and blood. All that could be seen was a streak of yellow.

Minato!

I stumbled to hold myself up in awe as I noted that the dozen or so Shinobi that had cornered me were all lying dead at my feet and I hadn't even noticed. Then when I next looked up everyone was still and more bodies had fallen and standing there in the middle, back turned to our people was the Yellow Flash covered from head to toe in a shower of red.

My jaw nearly dropped. I looked back at the people I had killed with my wind walker technique and it suddenly paled in comparison. The hundreds, nearly a thousand dead bodies lying on the floor wearing the Iwa uniform signalled the end of something I had been excited for.

A horn was sounded, and the rest of the Iwa Shinobi retreated. We all stood still in complete shock until Minato turned around. Then he raised his fists, and a roar of triumph surrounded the field as everyone rushed towards the man that had single handily turned an epic battle around. I ignored the men and women bumping past me to get to him.

This was a legend.

This was why he had been voted in as Hokage. I never really understood it before but seeing it in person I could suddenly picture why. I was so caught up in my revere that it took Gaku slapping my shoulders for me to turn to him.

"Where's that energy from the fight gone?" he asked.

"Gone with my chakra,” I mumbled with an amused smirk before I turned my attention back to Minato.

I only managed to catch a glimpse of his face admits the mass of bodies between us, but I could tell quickly that the smile hadn't reached his eyes. This was an empty victory for him. His eyes were locked onto Kakashi across the field and I knew why. Rin and Obito weren't here. He had been too late, and for the fastest man in recorded Shinobi history that was a hard shame to bear.

I could only think the same. What if he had mastered it earlier? What if I had been strong enough to protect Kusari? What if I had the power to take down Danzo before the hit on my parents? So many what ifs. I shook my head. No.

"Victories and failures," I repeated to myself.

Victories and failures...

* * *

We stayed at the border posts for a few months and my twelfth birthday had come and passed under the radar. I noted Fugaku's team had come in part way. I had the chance to see his famed Sharingan in battle and was surprised by how terrifying an Uchiha’s Genjutsu really was, especially from a man who possessed the Mangekyo Sharingan. And a few smaller skirmishes later marked the end of it all. I was sleeping on Yama, hogging his soft fur all to myself in camp when some bright eyed Genin came running in shouting, "It's over! It's over!" like his life depended on it.

I was about to throw a nearby pot at his head and tell him to let me sleep when one of the Aburame hastily men took the scroll from him and opened it. I had never seen an Aburame weep so loudly in my life. In the end some unnamed man had to take the scroll and read it out.

"Kumo and Iwa have called for a ceasefire," he said in disbelief.

"Surely it was Minato-sama that had scared them away!" another exclaimed happily.

As a matter of fact, a lot of people had wept that day. I noted Gaku wiping his eyes too. I put a hand on his arm, squeezing it reassuringly and he smiled back. Yama lightened the mood the only way a dog could, by slobbering all over everyone’s faces with comforting licks. I grabbed the dog, wrangling him to the ground with a laugh to stop him from wetting my hair up into a mohawk.

“It’s really over,” Gaku muttered, holding his head, and looking up. “That’s two wars now…”

I looked up and noted that he still looked unnaturally wary. I couldn’t blame him. Maybe the first war he’d witnessed was as a child, but this one was fresh and hard to let go off. It had just finished, and it barely felt like it was over. I didn’t think I could so easily let go of it either.

“It is over,” I said a little more resolutely.

Maybe there wouldn’t have to be another one. Naruto made peace… didn’t he… He brought the Shinobi Villages together against a single threat. He’d united them all under the banner of Ninshu. I paused in my thoughts feeling wholly unprepared now. Naruto could very well not be born at all. I’d erased Sakura’s existence entirely. None of the children that were meant to be would be. There would be no child of prophecy. Or maybe there was never a child of prophecy in the first place.

I looked at the sky in growing anxiety. Wars were often waged on the backs of previous ones. It took nuking entire cities into oblivion for large scale war to end in my old world. It took a world ending Bijuu attack for the Elemental Nations to come together. It took a much more headstrong, unrelenting individual with insane charisma to bring everyone together as a uniting force. It took Naruto specifically.

I looked at the people around me and wondered if my existence was the precursor to their doom.

* * *

I walked besides a silent Kakashi into a desolate village we would be occupying until we had finished treating all the wounded. The Land of Rice had been ravaged during this war by all three sides and so there were always a few smaller villages to enter and settle for the night before leaving.

Men and women cheered and talked happily, walking admits the rubble and destroyed homes with a grin on their faces. I stepped forward unsurely, looking around in an odd disconnect. There was so much joy in their faces, a relief that their pain would come to an end. I felt a crunch under my boots and turned down to see a skull. I pulled my feet back, blinking in confusion and some dreadful feeling, when I turned to see Kakashi looking at me in worry. I looked away from his quiet posture to the loud laughter surrounding me and I felt out of place. There was a skull beneath my feet. A small skull I hadn’t even noticed before. Now that I looked around, I could see the decaying bodies hidden away in the crooks of this abandoned village. Toys, pans, and other such daily equipment left outside and, on the sidewalk, taking dust and losing colour.

“Hina…” Kakashi ventured quietly.

I stepped over the corpse and took his hand. It wasn’t often Kakashi showed comfort like this. I didn’t know why he was comforting me. Just that there was a quiet discontent in my heart that whispered the wrongness of this all, and somewhere along the way I’d forgotten why.

That feeling stayed with me through the night as we camped and ate hunted meals against a bonfire that we normally didn’t put up. Gaku and Yama had been part of the hunting team, bringing back the wild game, while I had helped collect some of the herbs, and then joined in on skinning and cutting the animals for dinner. It kept me busy and my thoughts quiet until I decided to call it a night.

“You’re going to sleep already?” Gaku asked.

I nodded, turning to look at the pretty stars for a moment. I was tired. So very tired. I just wanted to go to bed and sleep for a week with no interruption.

“Where are you staying for the night?” I asked.

“It’s not an issue today kiddo. Just take any of the houses. This place is as secure as it gets,” he said casually.

If Gaku wasn’t worried about safety, then it must have been pretty safe. So I waved him a goodnight before I made my way away from the celebration. Once the light had dulled and the cheering and laughter was off in the distance, it felt like the world was right once more. Not that the cheer wasn’t a welcome distraction, but it felt off today. Looking into the disquiet landscape before me I could understand why. I didn’t feel like celebrating.

I walked into a house at random, feeling no real need to be choosy. When I entered, it felt almost like an invasion. As I turned to the picture frame on the wall, I felt like the outsider I was, peering into what was meant to be a lively place. There was a mother, a father, and their children here once. It was a jarring thought looking at it now, quiet, and empty. But as I entered, I felt even more troubled. I traced my finger over the kitchen table and pulled to eye level, scrutinising them. There wasn’t enough dust here.

A sudden alarm went off in my head as I shot my head around and used my nose to sniff out any potential threats. I caught the whiff of dirt and sweat and a bunch of other unpleasant smells… including a festering sickness. When you had to make decisions in these moments, it always was wrought with uncertainty, but eventually I decided direct confrontation wasn’t going to be an issue as long as I played it smart. I took out my kunai before stepping towards the carpet as silently as I could. If there were Shinobi under there, they would have made a move by now, but whoever they were obviously was either too hurt or not skilled enough to catch my light footsteps. I pulled up the carpet before I ran my finger over the board. There was an empty space down there alright. Slowly I pulled open the wooden panel there, and even in the dim light I could make out two scrawny forms underneath.

“P-please don’t kill us—”

The words I wanted to say caught in my tongue, and all I could do was nod. Before I could ask anything, I sensed Kakashi coming over from his distinct scent and I quickly covered the board back up before throwing the carpet on top and rushing quickly to the door.

“Gaku-sensei said you were coming here to sleep,” Kakashi said.

“Yeah, I figured for one night I could have a house all to myself rather than sleeping in the trees,” I chuckled, hiding the nervousness I felt behind a veneer of mirth.

“Today, I noticed you looked sad,” Kakashi noted.

I pressed my lips together and was left confused myself. “I don’t know why either,” I admitted.

“You don’t know why you’re sad?” he asked, mildly exasperated, and confused.

“You know what they say, a girls mind is a mysterious place… although they probably left out the part where it’s also a mystery to the girl,” I replied with a lopsided smile.

“Weird,” Kakashi grouched before he slouched back into a more casual pose. “Well I’m done talking feelings. Come back when you figure out how girls think.”

I barely repressed a relieved sigh as Kakashi left. I closed the door and went back to the hidden boards. I pulled up the carpet and then the wooden tile, this time finding my voice.

“I promise not to hurt you… can you come out.”

“Do we have a choice?” the woman asked.

There was a very real tremble in her voice, and even from here I could smell the sickness down there. If I said yes, they very well wouldn’t come out.

“No, you don’t have a choice,” I replied, finding it odd to hear my voice come out so commanding in tone.

I opened up more of the boards. The woman looked young. Somewhere in her mid to late twenties, with dishevelled black hair, and holding a little boy about 4 years old, in her arms who seemed wide eyed and terrified. She did as I asked though as I helped her out of the small cellar below. I noted it was the boy who was sick. He looked to be going through a rather bad fever and his breathing felt stifled.

“Please don’t do anything to my boy. I’ll do as you ask… just leave him alone,” she begged.

This was a woman who’d seen what Shinobi in all forms could do, who knew even someone who looked like a child had more power over her than she’d ever be able to achieve. I didn’t know what to think about that. I felt dirty when she looked at me like I was some sort of aggressor to be feared. I scratched my nose looking away pointedly as I ignored the way it made my heart sink in my chest.

“I won’t hurt you or your boy. Can we get him to a bed?” I asked.

“For what reasons?” the woman asked, pulling her child behind her even more fiercely protective.

I blinked in realisation and scowled. “I’m not going to do anything inappropriate… dammit lady. Just take us to your bedroom. I can’t just let a little kid die from a fever.”

“You aren’t… going to tell the others we’re here?” she asked.

“No, now come on. You don’t have a choice remember,” I replied a little impatiently.

* * *

Shinobi didn’t carry around antibiotics on a whim, they did it for infections and other such things that came with the business of war. Tsunade had initially helped Konoha on that front, possibly being one of the biggest underlying reasons we won this war—with her revolutionary medicine. I didn’t know how to feel about her. On one hand she had run away from it all, and for a long time I’d looked at her with disdain. Orochimaru, despite being an evil cunt, still aided his Village. Jiraiya while not being much better than Tsunade was still doing an important role by infiltrating and gathering information. I’d thought nearly all the Sannin were better than her. I was revaluating those thoughts. Maybe she was the sanest out of the Sannin for doing what she did. Maybe the only reasonable thing anyone could do when faced with war was to run, run far away before it caught you in its grasp.

“Why are you helping us?” the woman asked.

I didn’t have an answer. It’s not that I went out of my way to help people. I wasn’t some saint or sage who walked the earth looking for people in need of help. But seeing someone in front of you in need was different… it made you unable to look away if there was even an inkling of empathy in you.

“Probably to make myself feel better,” I admitted with a frown as I wiped the now sleeping child’s forehead.

“Something’s just cannot be fixed,” she pointed out a little bitterly.

“They cannot,” I agreed.

She clearly wasn’t expecting me to agree with her and so we fell into a tense silence. There was so much resentment in her eyes, but also conflict now. I didn’t think she needed to be conflicted. On the larger scale of things, what had I done but plaster one small cut in a litany of wounds? I could understand now why I felt so sad despite winning. With the sudden clarity came disbelief that I hadn’t seen it in the first place. I was sad because we had entered a village we had destroyed, of whose peoples’, had withered and wilted leaving only the bony remainders of once thriving life. We had caused this… this grief… and the people in the Land of Rice had been the ones to take the brunt of it. And outside the people who had aided in a part of it was looked upon as heroes and victors, and they justified the mysterious and arbitrary reason for these wars with _pride_.

“There’s not one single thing I can do or say that could fix this… any of this,” I continued gravely.

Not what everyone had done to this lady, not what I had done to my own family, and not to the countless people I had hurt inadvertently in many other ways.

“You’re fixing things now,” she said, catching my attention.

I looked at her in surprise. She seemed unsure as she leant down and touched her son’s forehead. She looked like someone too tired, wary, and malnourished to have ever been anything but that. Sometimes it was easy to see these poor victims of war as something that had always been so sick, weakly, and pitiable, but that wasn’t the case—we just liked to pretend they always were that way, because it was easier to think that, than to admit that once they had been just as happy and thriving as our families back at home had been. This village was a poor one even before the war, judging from the most basic of infrastructure, but they had not led a poor life. Now, as the mother looked into the distance, with faraway eyes, it was with only the barest of hope.

“He’s all I have left. If you help me keep him, then you’re already fixing things.”

I wanted to know.

“What’s your story?”

* * *

She lost her son, her husband, and her whole life to three villages who her people had no dealings with, just because their village was in the way, and an easy location to extort its people of its supplies for anyone who came by. They had tried to run but being civilians didn’t know the routes Shinobi took and were killed by accident in their fleeing. She returned back to her Village which had been entirely ruined the next week in a raid and did not have the courage to flee again ever since.

That night I had given a stranger all my medical supplies and rations. I escorted her safely to the pass into the Land of Hot Water, with a map that detailed the safe passes and where to look out for intruders. Then as added precaution I summoned Amaru and bribed her with my last bit of chocolate. She had agreed to follow the lady and her son until they got to safety. There was a quiet moment where she had looked at me with thankfulness in her eyes, but it was as quiet as the way she left, silently and unsurely into the night.

I sometimes forgot tragedy took everyone, great and small, rich, and poor. So often I was caught up in my own worries, in my own tragedies that I lost sight of the rest of the world. Selfish as I was in my love. I couldn’t be like Satomi who had entrusted her children to strangers to save as many as she could. Maybe that was true selflessness… but I did not possess it.

“Have you figured out the female mystery?” Kakashi snorted.

I turned to him and then gave the village we were leaving one last look.

“No but I figured out the human mystery.”

“That is?” he asked.

“It wouldn’t be a mystery if I told you, would it?” I asked back cheekily.

He snorted in irritation and I smiled. The human mystery… I hadn’t figured it out yet, maybe I never would. I wasn’t the most philosophical of peoples… but just maybe, just maybe I would.

* * *

I’d honestly never in my life imagined the day would come that I’d be one of the people greeted back home with a celebration. Although to be fair it was a large-scale celebration for a lot of people. But still, it felt almost surreal in a way. In war it was easy to forget just how out of the world it was to be fighting to the death. Seeing civilians, wives, children, and a bunch of other people throwing confetti at you as you walked into the village alongside a bunch of other tired, war weary men and women who’d lost limbs and lives, was another feeling altogether. I was unsure about it. I didn’t feel like celebrating, just relieved that it had finally ended, and I could put it behind me and move on.

Shinobi often didn’t cry, not even when they’d had an on-field amputation, or even when a loved one died in battle. They held it in and continued because they didn’t have a moment to be distracted. To think it took relief to finally let the tears out made sense, because a lot of grown men and women were sobbing like children as they hugged families and friends in the crowd. It almost brought a tear to my eye too, but I’d managed to hold back my conflicting emotions and just focus on trying to find the scent of my family admits the crowd. I did not take too long in my search and Taichi in an uncharacteristic show of excitement had picked me up and practically twirled me in the air out of sheer joy.

“I never thought it would be over,” he said in disbelief.

“Honestly, me either,” I admitted.

“Does this mean you aren’t going to go on missions all the time!” Tsukiya asked excitedly.

I pat his head and grinned. “That’s exactly right Tsu-kun. I’m going to be around to annoy you a lot more.”

I messed up his hair and he groaned pouting. It was only after that adorable interaction that Matsu took me into a calmer hug, and I felt the joy of being back with my family. A part of me could picture the relief on our parents faces at the end of this war too, as they held a little party with us. The vivid imagery did dampen my spirits a little, but it was overtaken by the relief of something big and menacing ending.

“The memorial is going to be held in two days, but until then the Village is holding a celebration every night,” Matsu explained.

“That means no more running of for two days. Tsukiya is counting on you,” Taichi chided lightly.

“I know, I know. Come on little bro, it’s time to show you how awesome your big sister is in comparison to your boring nii-san,” I chuckled.

“I didn’t say that!” Taichi grumbled.

Tsukiya just giggled like he agreed with me as I picked him up to put on my shoulder. I jumped him around all the way home with a massive smile on my face. Ah it was good to be back with family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg war… am I right?


	7. Chapter 7

Snap Back To Reality 59

* * *

Clan politics and war talk aside, today was a different day. I had reported to the missions’ desk rather grumpily, irritated that my vacation lasted only 5 days. It was as if this bloody Village couldn't take a break. I bore it in silence though, as I did for a great many things because complaining would just make you look like an inconsiderate idiot no matter the situation. I expected a lot, but this wasn't it.

"Sorry repeat that again?" I said in disbelief as I cleared out my ears to see if I was hearing this right.

"You've been transferred to Konoha's R&D sector," the Shinobi on the missions’ desk repeated in irritation.

Was I dreaming? I pinched myself excited to feel the pain when a haggard looking lady walked in from behind. She was drinking some coffee and holding a folder in between her armpits.

"This the intern?" she asked looking entirely put off.

"Yes, although there must be a mistake since she doesn't look nearly bright enough for this department. Had to repeat myself three times," the desk ninja said irritated getting a hiss from me as he glared my way.

I turned to the lady who didn't look all that impressed as she looked me up and down. Then without a word she twisted away looking entirely too bored. I jumped after her in confusion. Was I meant to follow?

"So um, it's true right? I finally get to be part of the R&D department?" I asked, trying my level best not to jump in sheer joy.

"He was right."

"What?"

"You like making people repeat themselves gaki?"

I raised a brow her way. Who shat in her cereal this morning? Well even her terrible attitude couldn't get me down at this news. I tried to keep my excitement to a minimum though. I wondered if I'd be taken to Orochimaru's private sector in the department like Hiruzen had informed me a while ago. I personally didn't want to go. It would be incredibly boring working every day in an environment with just me and Orochimaru's silent presence.

We came to a rather broken downish building, circular and covered in plaster to hide some holes here and there. I was more than a little shocked by how broken down the place looked, not that it wasn't for a lack of patch jobs.

“Don’t keep your jaw open for too long,” she said sarcastically.

I hadn’t even looked mildly awed. What was she even on about? Not really knowing how to take this rudeness I simply frowned and decided not to speak. Maybe once this was all over, said and done, and I’d gone home, I’d have a million things I would regret not saying, but for now I was content to let things go.

She struggled for a moment to open the dingy old door with her keys before she inevitably just kicked the door in and grumbled some profanities. I jogged after her, struggling to keep up with her long strides and noted the many notes hanging on the wall with timetables and schedules hanging around. There were more than a dozen crowded rooms I ran past that I didn’t really have the time to look at. She paused so abruptly that if it weren’t for all my training, I would have crashed into her. Then she basically kicked open the door next to us, startling some poor man who had been sleeping with a book over his face. It fell down in a heap.

“Wake your lazy ass up Hiroto!”

“I’m awake! I’m awake!” he stuttered out, as his hands stumbled around to find his thick circular glasses.

I winced in sympathy for the man. He looked relatively young, maybe in his early thirties somewhere, but his hair was all over the place, long tangled and his stubble probably a few weeks old by now. Altogether he looked like a mess.

“This is your new apprentice. Show her around, but you know the rules. No equipment until a year in,” she said angrily.

“It was one time,” he mumbled under his breath as he fixed his glasses on his gaunt face.

“Get this one to work. Hopefully then you’ll make some progress,” she said harshly as she shoved the folder she was carrying around, to my chest.

I watched her leave and stuck my tongue out childishly as I watched her go. She turned around and gave me a sharp glare and I quickly made my exit into the room and grumbled irritations under my breath.

“Hashirama’s saggy tree sack, what Iwa nin hid rocks in her underwear this morning?” I grumbled.

“Creative explicative… hmm those are nice,” the man mumbled, still half asleep.

“Um are you ok… Hiroto-san?” I asked remembering what the demon lady had called him.

“Ah yes, yes! Sorry for my appearance. It’s been a hard few weeks at work. Now that the war’s over and we’ve exhausted our funding, Ichika-san has been on edge. Doesn’t help that her fiancée called of the engagement.”

“Oh, that _does_ kinda suck,” I admitted with a frown.

“Hmm you know Shinobi. Finding love with them is like finding love with a sailor. It’s a hopeless cause,” he sighed.

I raised a brow. Did he not know I was a Shinobi? Then again, I wasn’t wearing my headband and I was in a plain green shirt with shorts on, so I doubted I looked anything less than a normal 12-year-old girl. Still it was a little irritating realising that’s how civilians saw us.

“So… are you going to teach me how things work here?” I asked.

“Can I see that file first?” he asked politely.

I held out the file and was rather surprised by how tall he was when he stood up. Despite being quite lanky, the height did make up for it. If he cleaned up a little, he’d look rather nice, but as it was in his tattered lab coat, surrounded by a dusty room filled to the brim with papers and books, he looked every bit the hermit.

He fixed his glasses before reading through the file, and every second that passed his eyes grew bigger and bigger until it looked like it was about to pop out of his skull.

“You’ve got to be kidding me?” he said pulling at his beard.

“Yes? Is anything wrong?” I asked.

“It says here that you’re a _Jounin_ … student to _the_ Sannin Orochimaru-sama!” he said growing excited.

Oh kami no. Not a fanboy. I let out a groan as he grabbed my hands and began shaking it excitedly like I was some kind of celebrity.

“I have no idea why they wouldn’t transfer you under him, but it’s an _honour_ Suzuki-san. To think I’m going to train up the student of the legendary Orochimaru-sama. Do tell me, are his feats of scientific discovery as impressive as they say? Can he regrow limbs and stick a dead arm back to its owner to bring it to life?!”

“Ermm, the first part yes, the second part no,” I replied uncomfortably as he kept shaking my hands.

“I’ve heard he came up with a method to boost the human immune system enough to repel poisons on its own. To think he would be able to go down to the cellular level with the changes in DNA—incredibly fascinating wouldn’t you say! Tell me, has he shared this knowledge with you, and would you impart such precious research with this lowly mortal?!”

I could practically see the stars in his eyes. I was beginning to wonder if working with Orochimaru in his personal lab would have been preferred…

“Ne, Hiroto-san can we discuss this _after_ you introduce me to my role in R&D. I’m sure we’ll have a long time to get through all the other details.”

“Oh right, of course! My apologies Suzuki-san.”

“You can call me Hina if you want.”

“Oh I wouldn’t presume!” he said aghast.

Well if he was intent on treating me like his senior then I wouldn’t say no. Literally everyone called me senpai by now as a joke anyway. It was about time I let the adults have their turn.

“Normally you’d have to be apprenticed to a head researcher like me for about 3 years before you could do research of your own, but I honestly don’t want to have to hold your no doubt brilliant mind back. Just don’t tell Ichika-san I allowed you to run your personal experiments and it’s fine by me.”

I took everything back I thought about this man. I was extremely glad he was a fanboy. Three years of a boring internship no doubt filing paperwork would have dragged the soul out of my body after how hectic I was used to my life being.

“Thanks a lot Hiroto-san. That’s actually such a relief. What exactly is it that you research?” I asked.

“Well me personally? Yes, I’m developing soldier pills. It’s a lot harder than it seems to boost chakra in the system without killing an individual. Plus chakra itself is such a complicated and wonderful field!” he said excitedly.

“If you like it so much then why didn’t you become a Shinobi?” I asked.

He shook his head as if distraught at the very idea. “Oh I would never be able to take a life. I find it hard as it is to conduct experiments on my poor mice. Don’t tell Ichika-san, but I usually test it on myself before I test it on those poor babies,” he said with a tear in his eyes.

I raised a brow in alarm. Was this man insane? That was about the best way to an early grave. We had animal subjects in scientific experiments for a reason! I almost felt the age-old urge to karate chop a little idiot and go on a rant about safety and precautions in a scientific environment, but I held myself back. I couldn’t simply chastise a senior like I could back in my old world. Still I needed to keep an eye out on this suicidal man.

“Hiroto-san—”

“—I know what you’re about to say. It’s an incredibly hazardous thing to attempt, but I really can’t you know! They have _names_! Sara-chan gave birth yesterday, and I can’t bring harm to her,” he said dramatically.

I nearly sweat dropped. This man really did name his mice… I let out a worried sigh and massaged my scalp. Hiroto was going to kill himself one day and then I’d probably end up apprenticed under Ichika, and that would mean 3 years of soul crushing servitude. No! I was going to ensure this idiot would stay alive. I couldn’t play the good little intern any longer. It was time to put this man in his place.

“You shouldn’t name your test subjects,” I scolded. “That’s the first rule of science!”

“I don’t think it is—”

“—It is from now on! Get ready because things are going to change around here! We’re going to begin filing all these papers! You are going to shave! And I’m revoking name privileges on the mice!”

“But—”

“—No buts! Get to work. We’ll begin by separating the notes, and then filing them in order of date and importance!”

“H-hai Suzuki-san!”

* * *

As it turned out I was given the perfect minion—erm I mean— _sensei_. He was so easily manip—I mean _accepting_ of my _suggestions_ which were not at all orders. Well it paid to have a pushover as a puppet teacher so I could get about conducting my own research in peace.

Even if it hurt him, the first thing I did was rip out the name tags on the mice’s cages and instead assign them numbers related to the experiment assigned to them. I ignored Hiroto’s tears of distress as I confiscated all the notes, he had experimenting on himself and burnt them all. No use in encouraging him to continue such harmful practices.

It took the whole day and a lot of ordering around, but this mess of an office was now cleaned to each and every corner, and the shelves on the wall were ordered neatly and correctly. He’d be thanking me soon enough. It would be much easier to go back and refer to notes now that he had a filing system, made by his truly wonderful senpai.

“Wow, I got to admit this is amazing,” Hiroto said, pushing his glasses up and looking around wide eyed.

“Of course it is. Who do you think I am?” I asked proudly.

“Of course! I wouldn’t expect any less from Orochimaru’s student!”

I felt a little ticked at that. I was going for more ‘oh yes you’re amazing Hina-san!’ truly a prodigy in your own right. Why did it always have to be Orochimaru this, Orochimaru that? Hmm either way it didn’t really matter. I wouldn’t let this get me down. I had the perfect pawn—erm— _asset_ in my hands, and now that he was my assistant in everything but name, I would mould him into the perfect scientist! Even Orochimaru would want to take him on as an assistant once I was through with this spineless man.

Wait a second… why was I beginning to sound like a villain?

I shook my head and scoffed. No I was being a benevolent saviour if nothing. I’d probably saved this man’s life without his knowledge. But I felt a little bad for abusing how nice he was. I’d have to give a little back in this relationship.

“Hiroto-san, I want you to give me the most recent and essential notes on your chakra pills. I will look through them, and if you have problems regarding your results, we’ll work through them together.”

“Really?” he asked teary eyed. “You’d do that for me?”

I sighed a little in exasperation. I almost felt bad for abusing this too gentle soul’s trust in me by making him my assistant. The least I could do was help him in his endeavours.

“Of course now that I’m your intern, I won’t allow your research to be held back.”

“I am at your service Suzuki-senpai!” he cried.

Ha! Senpai it was! He hadn’t even said it mockingly. Maybe this would make Anko reconsider the tone she uses with me. Not Hina- _senpai_ but Hina-SENPAI. I liked the sound of that!

“Well no dallying Hiroto-san, we have work to do!”

“Of course!”

* * *

I sighed in satisfaction. Yup overall a good day. I even got to meet the rest of the staff working at the R&D department. Most of them were overworked and tired, but nice. I just had to meet the nastiest one at the start of the day.

“HINA-CHAN!”

I took a step to the right and yawned as Guy missed me and crashed head-first into a tree. I raised a brow in amusement as he jumped straight back up like he hadn’t just gotten a concussion. This time when he ran up to me and took me in his usual too enthusiastic hug, I didn’t stop him. I did regret letting him spin me around and eventually I pat his head and told him to calm down.

“Oh it’s so good to see you Hina-chan!” he cried.

“You too Guy. What’s got you so pumped up?” I asked.

“I challenged Kakashi to a duel! An egg eating contest and I _won_!” he said pumping his fists into the air.

“Oh really?” I asked smiling.

That didn’t sound like Kakashi. Sure he pretended like he didn’t care about Guy’s challenges, but he was too proud to lose them. Maybe something was wrong? Or maybe I was overthinking things and Guy was just better at eating things.

“YES! The springtime of youth shines brightly on this one!” he said excitedly.

“Is that why you came to little old me? I’m second to Kakashi aren’t I?” I said feigning mock hurt.

Unfortunately, I forgot Guy didn’t have a sarcasm filter and he looked like I stabbed him in the heart with my words. I held out my hands in sudden regret, but it was too late.

“I have wronged you Hina-chan! I will do a thousand push-ups on my knuckles as punishment!”

“No, no, no! Look I was just joking! I’m glad you won your duel against Kakashi. Did you come to train?” I asked.

“No actually! I heard you got your dream job in the Research and Development Department and came here to congratulate you on your journey of youth!” he said happily pulling out a box out of seemingly nowhere.

I took it curiously. It was wrapped hideously, but really it was the thought that counted. When I opened it I was happily surprised to see a white lab coat. It was kind of designed like a kimono with the sleeves but everything else was standard hazmat material.

“Wow Guy, this is amazing,” I said trying it on.

“IT LOOKS B-BEAUTIFUL ON YOU!” he stuttered out, face turning a deep red.

I laughed nervously. Oh kami this crush was still a thing wasn’t it…

“Thanks Guy. I’ve been meaning to buy one for my new job, but this is even better than what I had in mind,” I said genuinely excitedly. “I have to pay you back for this.”

“No! This was a gift!” he said shaking his head.

“Well I guess we I shouldn’t challenge you to a race across Konoha only on one foot?” I asked coyly.

“NO LET’S DO IT!”

I smirked. Yeah, suck it Kakashi, you may be the eternal rival, but I also could hog Guy’s challenges!

* * *

A few days had passed, and it felt like life was getting a lot better. I read through all of Hiroto’s research and the man was brilliant. I wondered why his research hadn’t gotten more funding and after a little look into his record I realised it was because he had absolutely no spine at all. He was letting a 12-year-old girl push him around…

Still he was a brilliant mind, crushed by societies need for people to be charismatic to get anywhere. It was unfortunate but also the reality of things. Some people were meant to lead, and others would inevitably fade into the annals of history never taking the risk to be something big. Hiroto may as well have gone down that route, but no way in all 9 hells would I allow it. If I was to be his intern, then he needed to be a level above me, or at least a respected scientist. Hence why despite wanting to throw my research into religious texts, and jutsu based on raising the dead, I instead took a massive detour to research the nature of chakra itself and how soldier pills were made.

I’d eventually get a mission, but I wasn’t really excited about it anymore. I had Guy to spar with me, and Anko and Rui to hang out with once they got out of T&I and Cryptanalysis, respectively. Life was incredibly peaceful, and kami was that a good break. I should have known it would come to an end.

“Shisui?” I asked.

Said Uchiha dropped from the tree behind me and chuckled. I turned around and smiled too. He did have feather feet, but my senses were just that good.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Ah, I wish I could say I’m here to see you, but actually I’m here on official business from my Clan,” he said holding out a scroll.

“Oh, am I in trouble?” I asked.

“Actually, you’re being invited to dinner,” Shisui said looking uncertain. “Don’t ask me why. I don’t know what’s going on, just that our Clan Head wants to see you.”

“I feel like I know the reason,” I said sighing.

I never actually wanted to go meet Fugaku. In fact it would have been ideal if he just pretended, I wasn’t there at all. He could be Hokage and then I could stay the heck away from Konoha politics. Maybe I still could, although this scroll in my hands said otherwise. I’d dragged myself into this in a way. It was my responsibility to make sure it didn’t fail now.

“Look I can vouch for you’re in trouble,” Shisui offered, looking more than a little alarmed.

“I’m sure you could, but it’s best to not get involved in this.”

“What did you do?” he asked curiously.

“Hmm I might have gotten your Clan Head the recognition he deserved,” I smiled.

Shisui’s eyes widened and then he chuckled in disbelief. “So it was _you_? I thought the Clan somehow got the civilians on their side. How did you do it?”

“Well a Shinobi can’t reveal all their cards,” I said cryptically.

Although really all I did was get one very powerful lady on my side. Tomi really was a master at her craft. I didn’t think the Chinsei family had this many people under their golden thumb. Well for once I was glad things worked out in my favour. Even if the Uchiha were generally disliked because of their task as police, the feats that Fugaku accomplished during the war wasn’t unfairly hidden. I didn’t doubt my rumours wouldn’t have spread were Danzo still alive. No matter what Tomi did a member of the Council with a private army could have easily silenced her.

Still civilian approval was only really the first step. Actually putting Fugaku in the position would take a lot more than just getting the general public to respect him. Uchiha did still have a terrible reputation and were largely unpopular due to their police position. Very few actually went to war due to it, and even some Shinobi thought they were rich prats who had the privilege of safety because of their positions.

I thought it was kind of stupid that anyone was blaming the Uchiha for a decision they vehemently opposed in the first place. I was also half certain Hiruzen let this happen to reduce the risk of Sharingan theft during the war considering Uchiha didn’t have a failsafe the way the Hyuuga clan did. And good riddance too, I’d rather have my eyes stolen than have my entire family enslaved. Due to this Uchiha had to go through a lot more red tape than most to be allowed on the field, and even then they were limited to their best of the best. Obito had only gotten through because he hadn’t possessed the Sharingan at that stage, but I was sure they would have pulled him out when he did… but as it turned out he became the poster boy for the dangers of allowing Uchiha onto the battlefield, because now Kakashi, a non-Uchiha, owned their kekkai genkai.

“I’m really sorry, I’d like to stay and hang out, but I have to go. Work to do,” Shisui said apologetically.

“No worries. Though now that the war’s over, you got to teach me how you do your body flicker so fast,” I grinned.

“Well a Shinobi can’t reveal all their cards,” he repeated back to me with a grin before practically teleporting away.

What a little shit! I still chuckled though. I did miss hanging out with him on the occasion. He was leagues more mature than my grade mates, then again apparently most Uchiha were born adults out of the womb. Not that I could talk.

I looked back down at the scroll in my hand. Well I dug this hole myself. No choice but to jump into it now.

* * *

It had been a while since I’d been invited to a formal dinner. I didn’t usually do business dealings with Clans. Even with Shikaku in the past things had always been rather casual, and in our latest meeting I’d underdressed to a fault. I felt like it didn’t really matter with the relaxed Nara Clan Head, but not so much with Fugaku. He was a rather formal man after all.

So I found myself in front of Kurenai’s house. I felt a bit bad for always imposing when it came to fashion advice, but I had a feeling Kurenai really didn’t mind. Plus the war really had pulled us apart and left the friendship on the reins for a bit. I had a hard time seeing anyone outside of my team for nearly 4 years by now, and suddenly now that I had some free time every day it felt like I should use it.

I knocked on her apartment door and was met with a tall, very ruggedly handsome man with a dark neatly trimmed beard and red eyes. Oh, was this Kurenai’s father? I’d never really gotten to meet him before.

“Are you Kurenai’s friend?” he asked.

“Hai, Suzuki Hina,” I said holding out my hands.

He shook it with a kind smile as his daughter jogged to the front door. Kurenai saw me and her eyes lit up.

“Hina-chan!” she said happily.

“I’ll let you two girls catch up. Don’t be home late though,” he said casually before taking his leave.

“Sure thing tousan,” Kurenai replied with a grin as she turned to me. “What brings you here today Hina-chan?”

“Well I apparently have a dinner tonight with a Clan Head and I thought it would be fun to have a girl’s day out,” I said shaking around my wallet.

“Oh this is going to be so fun! The last time we did it—” she said excitedly before she trailed off and looked mortified.

I grimaced as well. Yup not a good idea to bring that up. The memory of Rin didn’t make this any easier. There weren’t many Kunoichi in our class who really went anywhere. It was a male dominated profession, and so Rin had been a part of this little circle. Kurenai had been a lot closer to her as well having been in the same class for a lot longer while I’d graduated early.

“I’m sorry for bringing that up,” she said, her mood now sullen.

“No worries. Well Rin wouldn’t want us to mope around, let’s go,” I said trying to shrug of the bad mood.

What followed was a rare day for me. It wasn’t often that I neglected work entirely just to relax. No training, no research, no real worries outside of having to think about fabrics and the latest fashion.

“There’s this new tailor I wanted to try out.”

“Won’t that take too long?” I asked.

“No, so what she does is she has ready-made customisable kimono, and she alters them exactly to your measurements. It only takes about 3 hours so we can go in and do something else while we wait.”

“Ohhh that does sound interesting.”

And it was. The green to blue fabric I bought was the shiny kind that changed from both colours depending on the angle and the sunlight. The feather pattern was a little gaudy and over the top, but it reminded me of the patterns often found on saris back in my old life. It was silk too, which was expensive, but I had a lot of money to spare recently, a far cry from the poverty I had been born into. We left it with the nice tailor lady and then went to go grab some sweets by the red bridge river.

“So how’s Asuma?” I asked.

Kurenai frowned. “I thought you wouldn’t want to talk about him.”

“Why?” I asked in confusion.

“Well… I heard what happened with the Councilman… and you know—you probably blame the Hokage and all that.”

“Just cause I don’t like his dad, doesn’t mean I don’t like him,” I chuckled.

“You know what they say about Clan grudges,” she replied a little nervously.

I really didn’t, but I also wasn’t in the mood to ask. It probably had something to do with a stupid concept like getting revenge on an entire clan for the action of one person. I wasn’t really that type of person. My quarries were always personal.

“Well, tell him he can stop being a scaredy cat and come see me whenever. Also that I missed him here today. We always used to hang out at this river,” I said wistfully.

Yeah, and now we were down two people from the war, so the memories we made here were kind of beggared down in tragedy. It seemed to be a pattern in this world apparently. I paused and then turned my head down.

“Well let’s change the subject. What have you been up to these days?” I asked.

Then Kurenai went on about her team, about how Asuma was always telling Guy to calm down during a mission, how several times they’d been spotted because of their loudmouth teammate, how Gaku-sensei had then forgone all stealth missions ever. It seemed that despite getting into trouble quite often Kurenai was rather adept at getting out of it with her Genjutsu. I was mildly jealous. Something about ensnaring the senses sounded extremely cool, and I did eventually want to get down to learning it. If I wanted to beat Orochimaru, the master at basically _everything_ , then it wouldn’t do for me to not be knowledgeable in most fields as well. First, I’d settle for learning Doton, Suiton, and Raiton Jutsu. After I achieved the Avatar state then I’d worry about becoming a master illusionist.

“You’ve got a look on your face,” Kurenai pointed out.

“Oh, and what’s that ‘look’ look like?” I asked.

“You’re planning something aren’t you. Yen for some thoughts?”

“I want to be stronger than Orochimaru-shishou,” I admitted.

Kurenai’s eyes widened and her mouth formed an ‘O’ shape. Then she nodded and chuckled as if I’d said something funny. I felt a little irritated at that.

“You don’t think I can do it?” I asked.

“No, I very much think you can. It’s just that you always get that same look in your eye like the boys do. Not Asuma of course, he’s lazy, but Guy, Shisui and Kakashi. You have the same look. Like you want to prove something no matter the cost. It’s honestly impressive.”

I felt a little guilty for assuming she didn’t have faith in me before. I smiled her way although I could see the spark of jealousy in her eyes. She wanted this too I knew for sure, whatever ‘spark’ that we had, she wanted for herself as well.

“It’s about conviction Kurenai-chan. If you want something badly enough, no matter how small the goal, then it is worth it to pursue without fail.”

“Sometimes you sound like an old woman,” she chuckled.

“What can I say, I have an old soul,” I said back wryly.

“Ok come on, enough talk about serious things. Let’s get you some hair accessories. Now that it’s so long I can braid it up for you!”

I smiled. Ah I did miss the joys of being a girl.

* * *

If there was a military like rank in fashion, then Kurenai was surely Hokage tier. It was impressive in its own right, nearly awe inspiring how her eye for aesthetics was so keen. Honestly, she was in the wrong career. If she wanted to become something legendary, she should have gone to the capital city near the Daimyo’s palace and started her own store. I had no doubt nobles from around the Elemental Nations would flock to the Capital and make her filthy rich. I honestly had no idea why she was wasting her time as a Shinobi and depraving the world of her true talents. Not that she was a bad Shinobi, but I digress.

She was also apparently very good at doing up hair and makeup too. I’d never be able to braid up my hair so elaborately into a bun and make it look like a perfect circular flower up he back. But she also didn’t go too overboard either. She let me look rather natural but still stunning. I didn’t look in the mirror for too long. Seeing my face look so perfect and not the usual tired mess that it was, would probably make me insecure once I took the makeup off. But altogether I looked almost like I could pass for the daughter of a rich nobleman for once in my life. My hair and makeup game was on fleek.

…I had a feeling Fugaku wouldn’t care too much about that though. Still it made me feel a little better, so I took my victory happily.

So after telling Taichi I was going to go cajole favours from the future Hokage and leaving him perplexed at my sudden exit, I walked down to the Uchiha district. For the first time in this life boys around my physical age actually turned to look at me in the street. Unused to the feeling after 12 years living in this rather plain looking body, I sped up and found myself rather early at the Uchiha residence. The gates to most Clan Compounds were always open unless you were a Hyuuga for some reason. They tended to keep their large estate closed off and mysterious. The Uchiha district was open and rather larger because of its double use as a prison as well. I’d been here before after… after what I did to my parents. My mood soured at the thought.

“Suzuki Hina?”

“Yes?” I asked.

“I’ll show you to Fugaku-sama’s residence,” he said politely.

I noted his tousled short hair and those familiar eyes and was reminded of Shisui. I was a little confused and unsure what was going on. Was Shisui pulling a prank on me using his Sharingan. He knew I was weak to Genjutsu… but then why would he pretend to be someone who looked very much like him. He smelled _exactly_ like Shisui too.

“Shisui, you’re not playing a prank, are you?” I asked.

The man turned around with an amused look on his face. “I’m sorry for not introducing myself earlier. I’m Uchiha Kagame. Shisui’s father.”

I faltered and felt incredibly embarrassed. For some reason I’d just assumed he was an orphan like Obito had been.

“My apologies,” I said hastily.

“Don’t be. My son doesn’t often talk about his friends, but he’s mentioned you, and I’ve caught wind of what you’ve done for our Clan. It’s a pleasure to meet you Suzuki-chan. And we’re here,” he said stopping outside of a large traditional home.

“Thank you, Kagame-san,” I said still recovering from my earlier embarrassment.

“No harm done Suzuki-chan. Keep safe,” he said waving as he walked away.

I didn’t need to knock at the front door for it to open rather quickly. I took a step back at the suddenness of it all only to see a beautiful grinning woman with long dark hair. Her smile was mesmerising, and oh kami how did someone have such a symmetrical and beautiful face? I snapped myself out of my fawning and smiled back.

“Hina-chan, come on in. It’s such a pleasure to finally see you!”

I hadn’t expected the insanely beautiful woman to wrap her arms around mine, bending over slightly to do so as she led me in.

“I’m Uchiha Mikoto. You’ll probably find that I’m a lot more fun than my husband. He’s a stick in the mud, although you should probably not let that get to you. He’s like that to everyone,” she explained casually.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” I said trying to keep up with how casual she was.

“You know I pictured you quite differently, but you’re adorable.”

Kami, my heart couldn’t take more of this. The prettiest woman I’d ever seen was complimenting me. What was it with me and being surrounded by beautiful people? My one true weakness. Minato was one too many already. I found myself stuttering lost for words like a floundering lovesick teenage girl. This was embarrassing.

Thankfully Mikoto seemed to settle down a little in her excitement as we got to the living room.

“I’m so sorry for being so straightforward Hina-chan. It’s just that we don’t often get guests, and as a wife I’ve always dreamed of making this tired old home a little livelier. So I might have been a tad bit too eager in our greeting earlier.”

“N-not at all,” I stuttered out, hating how hot my face felt at her close proximity.

She seemed to find it adorable apparently judging from her expression. I’d given Tsukiya the same expression enough times to know how it looked. Suddenly I felt incredibly silly for being flustered in the first place. Firstly she was married, and secondly, I was a child. Of course she wouldn’t think I had a crush on her. Oh kami was that a relief.

“Suzuki-san, it’s good to see you again,” a small voice said from behind the woman,

I tilted sideways a little to see Itachi come up from behind Mikoto. I gave him a smile and he smiled back softly too, although he held onto his mother’s skirt as he did so. Was he shy? Oh kami, that was too adorable. I could suddenly see why Itachi was so adorable. If his mother’s looks were anything to go by when he grew up, he’d be killing all the ladies with just a glance. The Uchiha massacre would look tame in comparison.

“It’s good to see you too Itachi-chan,” I smiled.

“Oh you two know each other already. Well then Itachi-kun, can you show Hina to her seat. I’ll bring Fugaku in with the dinner.”

“Ok okaasan,” he replied politely as he took my hand.

Goddammit, 4-year-old Itachi was trying to ensnare my heart with his cuteness for sure. I tried not to die from adorable overload as he led me to my seat at the dining table in a much more mature way than most adults could. He gave me a shy smile before taking a seat next to me.

“I thought about what you said before Suzuki-san,” he said.

I looked down with a raised brow and a smile. “And what was it that you found?”

“When otousan took me out to war—”

I would have spat out my drink at that had I not watched it happen in the story. It coming from the mouth of a _4-year-old_ was something else though. Probably the most fucked up take your child to work day ever.

“—I thought maybe it didn’t make any sense. Why are we born just to fight, kill, and then die?”

Kami I couldn’t get over the fact that he was still _four_ and apparently thinking of things teenagers barely did.

“But then okaasan became pregnant and now I understand. We do it to protect our family and this Village, and sometimes we do bad things because there’s no way around it. But I want to protect everyone one day.”

I saw the _spark_ in his eyes. Yes, I could see it now—what Kurenai had described, but I felt like even mine would be brief and unassuming in comparison to this child’s. I would be lying if I said I’d maintained a cool composure at this small and succinct yet incredibly moving conviction.

I remembered what he was capable of. This was someone who detested war so much that to maintain peace and save his brother he killed his entire Clan at the age of fourteen. Not only did he do that, but he took orders from Danzo, a man who would have killed his best friend at the time just to protect what he held precious. That was something I didn’t think even myself capable of. In comparison to me, he was selfless beyond selfless. I felt my heart skip a beat sitting next to him, hearing his _conviction_. It reminded me that I could change things for him. I could make this a reality for him. He could in fact one day protect everyone, and never have to lay a hand on his Clansmen to do so.

Maybe I was fated to have been the one to take that burden on myself to spare him. I never wanted him to feel it, the feeling of taking the life of your own parents. I couldn’t bare it to this day, let alone wish it on someone as pure as Itachi.

“You will protect everyone on day Itachi,” I said softly, “I’ve never believed in anything more than I believe in that.”

The smile he gave me after that was the most genuine one I’d seen on him so far. Well it was time to add someone else to this list of people I would protect with my life. To think he’d managed to get on that list so quickly too. He really was something.

“Apologies for the wait Suzuki-san,” a gruff voice came from the door.

I stood up and bowed slightly in greeting at the Clan Head’s entrance. He dipped his head before taking a seat as Mikoto set out the meal.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Fugaku-sama,” I said uncertainly at my manners.

I’d never really grown-up learning how to properly talk in formal settings. The only two Clan’s I had dealings with on the regular happened to be the two Clans that didn’t really care for formalities. The Nara were content to greet you on their porch with a game of shogi. The Inuzuka would probably greet you with a million puppies and a bottle of sake before they ever bothered to formally sit down and discuss pleasantries.

“Where did you get that Kimono from Hina-chan? It’s so pretty?” Mikoto asked, saving me from having to start the conversation.

I began making small talk with Mikoto, with Fugaku and Itachi hardly getting involved unless it was a one-word response. I was beginning to understand why Mikoto wanted guests around more often if this was how little they talked during mealtime. I was a little surprised however that she’d got me to relax so much and discuss things freely that I’d almost for a moment forgotten to worry about my manners.

Not once during the dinner did the conversation turn to anything about work, or the Hokage, or my rumours or any Clan business. Mikoto expertly stayed away from anything personal too and I was beginning to wonder if this was a specific technique to make me relax because it was definitely working.

To my surprise even when the dinner ended nothing of note was brought up. Everything we’d discussed had been small talk, benign things that I doubted Fugaku brought me here for. I should have known the dinner wasn’t where we would discuss important things because a few minutes after the table was cleared Fugaku asked me to follow him privately. I strode after him glad that he kept his steps slow enough for me to follow without running. Adults usually had a way of forgetting that children found it hard to keep up with their shorter legs.

It wasn’t until we entered the quiet of the Japanese garden at night that he gestured for me to sit down on one of the ornate stone benches. I politely obliged and he took a seat opposite me, his face as stern as ever. In the quiet of the night it was probably easy to see me fidget uncomfortably at the prolonged silence.

“I have some questions for you Suzuki-san,” he said.

I nodded trying to bring an air of seriousness about me too. The fact that he was addressing someone so much younger so formally seemed to spur me to try and act a little more mature than I normally would.

“Of course, I’m certain you have the right to,” I replied hesitantly.

“Then let’s get straight to the point. What do you seek to gain from my recognition?” he asked.

“I want you to be the next Hokage.”

“And I have noted that already, but what do you gain from it?” he asked.

I shook my head a little in frustration. Everyone was distrustful of my intentions recently, which would have been fine if I had some kind of terrible plan I was hiding, but there was none of that and a whole heap of suspicion. First from Shikaku and now from Fugaku. I’m sure next in line would be the Sandaime.

“I’m not doing this for any nefarious purpose as hard as it might be to believe. I simply have cause to… _question_ the Sandaime’s ability to choose officials. After Danzo you can understand why I’d want to take things into my own hands,” I said frowning.

“You will not endorse your teacher instead?” Fugaku asked suspicious still.

I grinned wryly. “No, he wouldn’t be suited to the position. As crazy as it might seem to believe, I don’t think strength, sacrifice, or even love is what makes a good Hokage, or I’d be endorsing Namikaze Minato.”

Fugaku frowned at that. “You think he’s stronger than me?”

“Well, I think strength can only get you so far. What matters in a Hokage isn’t just their strength, that is why we also have other Shinobi, but also their strength of _character_. You made a decision that day in the trial—”

“—Simply because I voted in your favour does not mean I possess these qualities you seek,” he interrupted sternly.

“And I agree,” I said giving him a hard look, irritated that he wasn’t hearing me out. “It wasn’t that you voted in my favour, but that you put your Clan first.”

He looked somewhat confused for a moment before his expression flattened back to impassive.

“That is not something one would usually associate as a quality in leadership. Most would say I should put the Village first,” he challenged.

“Then they are idiots. If you can’t even protect your family then how will you protect an entire Village?” I retorted in vehemence. “You’ve been persecuted unfairly by the Council, felt what it was like to be ostracised and treated disrespectfully in your own Village, a Village your ancestors helped found by the way. Then you understand the plight of the people wronged by the system. If you can’t even get your own home in order, then you shouldn’t dwell into the lives of others. That I believe has been the folly of all previous Hokage and that is why I think you’re the only candidate I would back.”

Fugaku seemed to regard me in a new light if the change in his posture indicated anything. He sat back slightly, not so much leaning forward to interrogate me anymore, but he still looked unimpressed.

"And your teacher? You bear his Clan symbol. That is not a light thing. I am not the Sandaime. He is biding his time waiting for proof he already has on Orochimaru, but if I were to become Hokage, Orochimaru would be taken care of immediately," Fugaku said bluntly.

I couldn't help the frown that took my face.

"Are you asking me to kill him?" I asked in disbelief.

"No, simply if you have the will to. I will not trust someone who has half their allegiance to a traitor," Fugaku answered by a leer of his own. “And I know he is a traitor. There is no one else in this Village capable of drafting Sharingan into an _arm._ His involvement with Danzo is confirmed by my intel and had you not been coerced into your position as a child, I would see you to a similar fate in execution.”

I nodded in understanding but felt uneasy, nonetheless. I could not truly hate Orochimaru. In fact a large part of me was protective of him even though I knew I shouldn’t be. Maybe not to the extent of how protective I was to my family, but he was still my mentor, now my master, and someone who had pulled me out of the torture chamber of ROOT's indoctrination. I knew it was for no altruistic reason, but without him as a buffer, I would have eventually succumbed to Danzo's torture and broken down into my namesake of Utsuro. Hollow.

Even if it wasn't his intention, he had saved me from that fate, and for that, I would be eternally indebted, but he had also introduced me to things that had ripped out my very soul. I tried to quell these contradictory feelings and focus instead on what I logically needed to prioritise. It was hard to put aside my turbulent feelings to focus on logic and reason, but I couldn’t afford to let myself get carried away by my feelings anymore. I couldn't kill Orochimaru. There was no point in lying to Fugaku about that, but I also wasn't going to stop him from doing so.

"I cannot kill him," I admitted. "But I... I won't stop you. I’m not a very good liar so let me put it this way. I simply value the lives of my family over his. Everything I do is to make a world in which the people I love will live peacefully, and to that extent my goals and Orochimaru-shishou's are very different. I am indebted to him so I will not harm him if you ask, but I am honour bound to my family first."

Fugaku didn't make a tell with his expressions, his face remaining as stoic as ever. He sipped his tea silently for a moment.

"Your honesty is making it hard for me to distrust you," he sighed. "Regardless thank you for the truth. It is easier to trust someone you know the motivations of."

Well probably not trust in this case, but more so relax in the safety of knowledge. Fugaku knew what I would do in certain unsavoury situations now and he could plan ahead and see to it that the need wouldn't arise. I always knew honesty was the only way towards that trust. That part of me would never truly be a Shinobi. It was hard for me to lie. I would rather not if I didn't have to, but life had a way of forcing secrets onto me.

"But this is not a compromise. You are either with me or against me. If I see that you've aided him when the time comes you will summarily be executed," he said unflinchingly.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

Finally a potential Hokage with some balls. Fugaku probably thought I was an idiot for smiling at his death threat, but I was incredibly pleased with him. He hadn’t even questioned the fact that he might not become Hokage. He had faith in something else other than my intention I was sure, faith enough to know he now had a chance to become Hokage. I was pleased to realise that he had taken those political matters into his own hands now, enough to be safe in assuming he would be the next choice. I knew he would be good and decisive, but this was a great leap above what I expected.

Now there was just the simple matter of getting him there…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so a semi-longer chapter because I had you guys wait. Sorry about that :’) I don’t normally talk about life here, but I’ve been mad busy recently. I got a new job, a really good one with enough pay to let me move onto better living conditions, but it’s also a lot of hard work. It’s had me put my writing on hold… also got a new pet bird, a little green cheek conure named Marley, and trying to train her and get her used to flying around the house is a time-consuming task because the original owner clipped her wings (which is a big no-no in my books because it just makes the birds fly wonky, and can cause more accidents. It’s kinda like chopping the legs off your toddler because learning to walk might cause accidents, instead of just minimising risks by monitoring their progress) So yeah overall waaayyy too busy to even sit down and relax most days XD But I really did want to get to the time skip to give you guys the crossover story I’ve been writing, so I’ll try and speed up a little.
> 
> We have Hina’s first day in R&D. As you can see, she’s not really working under Orochimaru at his private sector because the powers at be (mostly Hiruzen and Shikaku) at this stage know that Orochimaru is up to no good, and want to keep Hina the heck away from him. The only reason Hiruzen hasn’t acted against his student yet is because he’s a soft idiot, and also because he won’t go against someone he loves without hard evidence. He doesn’t have it because Orochimaru transferred all of his experiments out. Hope that clears things a little!


	8. Chapter 8

Snap Back To Reality 60

* * *

Nara Shikaku Part 1

* * *

He was the youngest Nara Clan head in history. The youngest Jounin Commander too. In his 25 years of life, Nara Shikaku had accomplished quite a lot that people would find hard pressed to do in their entire career. Accepting his position as Jounin Commander during the start of the Third Shinobi War had been an honour but also the hardest decision he had ever made. Normally Jounin Commanders got to ease in a few years before kicking straight into organising and deploying a war effort. Not to mention getting married in that mess had been rather stressful if not rewarding too.

If only he’d known how intrinsically linked the position of Jounin commander was to Village politics… then he might have reconsidered and saved himself the troublesome nightmare of having to manage _political officials._ He shivered at the very word. Shinobi thought they delt in subterfuge and secrets, but they paled in comparison to politicians. Normally he would spit on the ground and curse their very titles, but as he’d very quickly found out a Jounin Commander really was just a politician. He’d joined the devils unwittingly. Maybe the only thing in his life he hadn’t planned for.

He’d spent the better half of the supposed best years of his life without a vacation and he was still denied one. It was all very troublesome. Once in a while though even he was expected to just shut down and turn the power off lest he went insane… or that should have been what happened, but one pesky little girl ruined all his plans of relaxation.

Ah Suzuki Hina, the sudden bane of his life.

Don’t get him wrong, he did like her. For the better half of 5 years he had watched the curiosity of a child grow, gaining an understanding of the world he hadn’t seen so quickly develop until he met Uchiha Itachi. In a way he was kind of like a pseudo uncle, so to have found out his pseudo niece was branded with a cursed seal, tortured, made part to take in illegal fights to the death with fellow Shinobi, and worst of all—forced to kill her own parents, was a metaphorical kick to the balls. Really, he was Nara _Shikaku,_ youngest Jounin Commander, and Nara Clan head in history, and he hadn’t even noticed the plight of one child under his care until it was too late.

As he’d learnt soon enough, there were things he had to do that would haunt him for the rest of his life. Every man, woman, and _child_ he sent out on those missions would be on his head. And there had been many an occasion where he knew he was sending out good people to die a losing battle all for the greater good. And after 6 years of continuous war, Shikaku could say with absolute clarity that he had the highest kill count of any Shinobi in Konoha, and it weighed heavy on his conscience because it was _his_ people that he had killed.

He didn’t think he’d ever be able to live down the horror of the decisions he’d made, or that he’d ever sleep a night without waking up wondering if he could have done things differently. In the sea of horrifying things he’d done, Suzuki Hina had only been a small part, but her actions brought him to where he was now, cleaning a bigger mess even after a war. He supposed he deserved it. Not that he was keen to take in anymore children under his care after what he’d done.

“How is their progress going?” he asked Hanami.

The limping Iryo-nin now fully retired from the hospital life pulled out her cane and looked pleased. The two Kaguya boys were play fighting with kunai but for their ages they were extremely nimble and quick. They were no doubt going to be great assets in the future.

“You know you could ask how it is they’re doing. They’re not just assets,” Hanami said lightly, although she was still chiding.

She’d lost all her reverence for him after the war. Shikaku had no doubt it was because of the lives she’d lost working in the hospital, all the limbs she couldn’t save, all the scorn and adoration melding together for the lives of the people she had under her thumb. In some ways they were incredibly similar… hence why the irreverence. It was hard to hold awe for someone so like yourself.

“I know. I know, which is why I’m going to push for the graduation age to be twelve minimum. They’ll have a few more years to be children, but that doesn’t mean we can let them slack,” he said smiling.

Contrary to what people believed Shikaku didn’t consider the children he took into his Clan to be ‘assets’. Sure the practical side of him knew that they were that in title, but he liked to think the defining difference between him and Danzo was that people were never just assets to him. They partially were when the situation called for it, but he knew that they were people regardless of their role. Because of the nature of the help he was allowed to give, they would inevitably become Shinobi, even if they didn’t truly want it, but he’d rather they be a living Shinobi than a dead one. So if he pushed for excellence, it was because of worry, but most importantly because he didn’t want any more deaths on his conscience than was necessary.

He made sacrifices. Chose who to live and who to die. That was something he couldn’t run away from, and so he chose to be logical about it. But despite all his efforts, it was always personal in the end, even if it hurt him more that way… a part of him whispered he deserved it.

“How long do you think it’ll take before that becomes a law?” Hanami replied in amusement, snatching him from his thoughts.

Shikaku smiled back tiredly. “Years I know. They say all good things take time, but I say it’s just that the systems a drag and needs to be changed.”

He turned back to the children and decided to help them with their Shurikenjutsu for a little while. The joys of being a caregiver.

* * *

Yawning loudly in the middle of a Council meeting earnt him several glares. Shikaku was so unfazed by the looks of disapproval he just patted his mouth and gestured for everyone to continue. It seemed only the Hokage had a sense of humour in this drab place.

“As you can see syphoning our direct combat forces towards our other departments is strengthening Konoha, not hindering it. For too long our Shinobi have gone out to fight and die when they’ve had other more useful abilities,” Hiruzen continued on.

Shikaku had a feeling Hiruzen was really only doing this to ease the guilt he felt for putting his people through hell for 6 years. As a man who’d gone through nearly all the Shinobi Wars, Shikaku thought it was a miracle he hadn’t turned into a blubbering, incoherent tortured mess. One war was enough to mess him up for life.

“It takes away from the strength of the forces we’re deploying out for missions work however,” Homura interjected.

“Yes, but at the most we need an average of 3 Jounin to accomplish those tasks,” Hiruzen countered.

Council meetings seemed to go on and on and on like this until he was on the verge of sleeping. It didn’t matter anyway. Most of the time he was the one tasked with carrying out the orders and he’d just let it ‘slip’ and do what he thought best anyway—which to be honest was almost always the right choice. The Council didn’t like him very much, and it had mostly been Danzo making an effort to oppose him, and now it seemed Homura was taking up the free position of most annoying dumbass in the role.

He’d barely noticed that the meeting had ended until the Sandaime woke him up with a flick to the forehead. Shikaku grumbled his distaste as he held the offended spot and got up from his seat to pick up his files. He pretended that the Hokage wasn’t laughing at his plight.

“You’ve been overworking yourself again? What did I tell you about letting your Clansmen take care of Clan matters for a while? You can’t be all things at once,” Hiruzen said, chiding lightly.

“They are a troublesome lot. They’d probably fall asleep on the job or get side-tracked by some idiot playing a riddle game,” Shikaku grumbled.

Yes, his Clansmen had the unfortunate curse of being smart but far too easily distracted or unmotivated. Him on the other hand… well he thought he might be crazy for putting all this work on himself. Certainly no sane man would take on as much as he did.

“Before you go Shikaku, there’s a matter I wanted to discuss with you.”

“If it’s something troublesome can we do it tomorrow?” he groaned.

“No, it’s about Suzuki Hina.”

“So then tomorrow—” he snorted in amusement.

Hiruzen shook his head with a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Recently the Sandaime had become more introspective, taking a long time to think before he came to a conclusion. Before he had been steadfast and quick. Shikaku wondered if his age was finally getting to him—although the man was only in his late 40’s.

“She’s been discreet about it, but her dealings with the Uchiha haven’t gone past my notice. I know you’ve contacted her before. What is it that she wants?”

“If you’re asking whether or not she’s a threat to the Village—then in my opinion she’s not. She’s too loyal to her family and friends to ever think of betrayal. As for the Uchiha, she has it in her head that Fugaku should be your successor.”

Hiruzen looked onward in a sort of reflective thought at that. He took a long drag of his pipe before his ruminations finally seemed to take hold.

“I can see the potential within that choice, but the Uchiha have always had a shaky relationship with the Village. An Uchiha Hokage right after such a turbulent period would not be wise. Why would she not endorse Namikaze Minato instead? She worked under the man, hadn’t she?”

“She did, but she surprisingly made some good points on the state of leadership. She is convinced that power isn’t what dictates a good leader, nor the will to sacrifice. She feels that Fugaku would be better served to make good decisions out of shrewdness,” Shikaku explained.

“Then why wouldn’t she ask for Orochimaru?”

“Really Hokage-sama,” Shikaku asked in exasperation.

“I had thought she would feel more connection to her sensei. Knowing that he gave her the mark of a child of his Clan had given me hope that he’d begun to reconnect to the people here.” Hiruzen lamented some vague ideal of his student, but Shikaku was far too emotionally removed to understand.

“I doubt he did. She’s shown a healthy amount of fear when she is with him. I suspect his ‘training’ wasn’t anything kind, but she is loyal to him in a way. She won’t betray him, but she won’t follow him either. She made it clear she has her own agenda,” Shikaku continued on tiredly.

“So an independent soul,” the Sandaime mused.

“A troublesome soul is what she is,” he snorted.

“Yes, I see she’s brought two more under your care. How are the Kaguya children doing?”

“They miss their mother, and they fight rough, but after a bit of adjusting it seems they’ve taken to the Konoha life and get along with the other Clan children. I’ve started them on basic foot work and katas as well as hand seals.”

Hiruzen frowned at that and Shikaku knew why. For someone who was trying to push forward the age of graduation to 12 indefinitely, it was hypocritical of him to start them on the Shinobi path so early. But their mother had departed her pacifist ideology into them and Shikaku didn’t think that was a safe way of thinking in this world. It had killed her, and it would kill them. Violence was a necessary evil.

“Soon there will be more Kekkai Genkai bloodlines to add to our stronghold. The Yuki Clan has asked for aid after hearing what we did for the Kaguya Clan members, and word of two more Clan’s seeking to leave has reached our ear,” Hiruzen explained.

“That’s going to pose a troublesome security risk,” Shikaku groaned.

He knew very well who all that irritating work was going to fall on. He would soon be drowning coming up with a system to manage such an influx of foreign Shinobi. They were always at the highest risk of turning traitor or causing issues within the Village’s subtle balance. More kekkai genkai was always appreciated, but only if it could be controlled and regulated so as to not pose an internal risk. Konoha couldn’t afford something like that right now. Ah the joys of managing domestic terrorist risks…

“We should begin preparations now. Inform the civil engineers of a new district. We could clear out training field 32 since no one apparently uses it. At least 5 blocks of land can be afforded there, enough for a small residence.”

“No need to jump the horse Shikaku,” Sarutobi said stopping him. “Let your overworked brain rest for today. In a week you will have your time to plan and think. I will be expecting your opinion within the Council for the seat of the next Hokage.”

“You already know my opinion. I had a very persuasive campaigner convince me,” he snorted wryly.

“Yes, but things may change, or they may not. Time will only tell, but for now I wish to speak to the little campaigner. I want to see for myself what drives her thinking.”

“Have fun with that. I’m going to go to bed and rid myself of this mess for the day,” Shikaku groaned, rubbing his forehead.

“Of course. Take a day off.”

Shikaku never thought he’d hear that in his life. Without word he escaped for his bed. His sweet, sweet bed.

* * *

Sure enough rest wasn’t something he was afforded. Shikaku woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of his sleeping wife and frowned as he looked up at the drab ceiling restlessly. After trying for another hour to sleep, he accepted defeat and silently got out to go grab himself a drink, and then he took that drink out to his garden porch and sat down on his rock garden. His wife liked cloud watching. Shikaku preferred losing himself to the rockscape he had painstakingly made and maintained every day. When he looked at the curved lines of the sand formation, how it led effortlessly to the pond where the sōzu caught the water, and the bamboo then weighted dropped the water before perking up again, he felt almost at peace. That was life after all. He was the sōzu, fated to take too much, to drop, and get up again only to continue the endless process.

He sighed as he drank the rest of his sake. His thoughts turned to work once more, but to something specifically. He tried to think about the situation entirely. Something was amiss. It irked him to not know exactly what it was, but it struck out in his head as something important. While the war had ended, he felt like it was simply the precursor to something bigger… something worse, and that ominous feeling had him going through everything he could think of.

For some reason tonight his thoughts turned to one green haired brat. He shut his eyes and tried to think. It was her mission… there was something off about it. This war had been waged of the coattails of the last one, but the way both Iwa and Kumo seemed to combine together so perfectly had been unnatural. While they no doubt resented Konoha, it made no sense for those opposing forces to rally together without fighting each other eventually. Then there was the little fact that he knew someone was exacerbating tensions between other smaller villages and Konoha. Some outside force was inciting unrest and creating wars. What other reason would Mist have to see Konoha as an aggressor.

Shikaku crossed his arms and wondered if maybe Danzo was a contributor. Over the weeks he’d been uncovering more and more of the old war monger’s plans, but mostly it delt in sabotaging surrounding nations economies to keep them down and not a threat. The Land of Rice had been absolutely ravaged by Danzo and ROOT mostly, although people seemed to blame Kumo and Iwa in their part in the matter. Shikaku however knew it was mostly Danzo’s work. Konoha had rich fertile land whereas Kumo and Iwa did not. Destroying their biggest source of grain had been what kept them from truly winning the war. It made sense that the Shinobi in Rice had sided with Iwa in the war.

He tried to look past the fact that Konoha had illegally tried to take control of the Land of Rice’s leadership body. It seemed to have been a failed endeavour, but he didn’t put it past ROOT to dig a hole in that land to expand their base somewhere ideal. A middle ground to infiltrate both Iwa and Kumo, as ridiculously impossible as that sounded. But he was sure there were spies lying in wait in both countries who were of ROOT origin now. He just needed to find a way to contact them, have them look into any potential correspondence between Iwa and Kumo to Kiri.

“You’re thinking too hard.”

Shikaku kept still as Yoshino ran her fingers over his shoulder to massage the tense muscles into relaxation. It was in times like this that his demon of a wife was actually an angle. Shikaku smiled as he kissed her lips in silent thanks.

“Are you thinking about the vote?” Yoshino asked.

“Hmm… maybe. It has been on my mind. I wonder if she’s right…”

“Hina-chan?” Yoshino asked.

Shikaku nodded and sighed. “She asked for more than an endorsement from me. She wants me to actively push for Fugaku.”

“Will you?” Yoshino asked, raising a brow.

Shikaku paused and wondered if he would. He trusted Minato. That man had more than proved himself as the next Hokage. If it wasn’t for his age, everyone in the entirety of Konoha would demand it. But the matter of the fact was, that Hina was right, strength wasn’t enough for what was to come. Minato was a smart man, and Shikaku wouldn’t tone down the blonde’s ability to strategize in battle, or to think outside of the box, but the matter of the fact remained that it took about a year and a half of political study before a Jounin could understand the varying degree of work that came with the position. Being Hokage was more than just being the strongest. It required a keen mind, and a knowledge of governmental process.

If things were done properly then Hiruzen would have elected Minato, given him a year to prepare himself for the duty, and then remained on as advisor. As of now Shikaku was sure Hiruzen was backing down from any official duty as a kind of self-exile for his mistakes. Shikaku had a feeling they didn’t have a year to prepare Minato, or in this case, let him prepare himself while also doing his duties. Shikaku was also more than certain he would invoke a thorough investigation into Orochimaru should he be voted in. The only remaining candidate he could see working now was the Uchiha Clan Head.

“He’s the logical decision,” Shikaku replied finally.

“Come on dear, you know I’m not stupid. The civilians have changed their minds, but everyone’s golden boy is Namikaze Minato right now. It will take a miracle to break through years of prejudice against the Uchiha enough to vote Fugaku in,” Yoshino challenged.

His wife was, as usual, right. Shikaku couldn’t see Fugaku being voted in, not really. He had no idea what political repercussions they would have if an Uchiha was voted in. Public opinion did matter despite the public not really getting a say. The leadership role of Hokage only really worked if everyone respected him without questioning his character, and Fugaku wasn’t the easiest of people to talk to. In that vein of things he was often seen more akin to a sterner Kage like the ones often found in Suna and Kumo.

But his gut was telling him to somehow make it happen. Hina, while being a pain in the ass normally, was right about this. She had a vested interest in not repeating the same mistakes of the past, having experienced it herself, and Shikaku wasn’t so eager to let someone into the Hokage position he wasn’t sure would be fit for the job. Maybe in a more peaceful time Minato would have been the perfect Hokage but having someone so green to Konoha’s political landscape enter during such a tumult time was unwise. Shikaku had a feeling he needed someone in power who could uncover this invisible threat that eluded them.

“I’ve been too passive,” Shikaku decided. “I think it’s about time I sent a letter to the Daimyo and invited Inoichi over for dinner.”

“I understand convincing the Daimyo, but why Inoichi?” Yoshino asked.

“I can’t speak with such flowery words,” Shikaku snorted in amusement, “but Inoichi can. He will get all the Clan Head approvals for me… if I manage to convince him that is.”

“You have too much faith in him,” Yoshino rolled her eyes.

“You have too little faith in _me_ ,” Shikaku countered with a playful smile.

“Can you blame an unsatisfied woman like me?” she countered with an evil look.

Shikaku shot his head in her direction in genuine shock. “ _Unsatisfied_?! My performance is more than satisfactory!”

“Oh you mean when you tied to me to bedpost and rocked your hips a little?” she snorted. “Yes, oh so creative and _unsatisfying_.”

Shikaku jumped his wife, and she dodged his hand, but he countered, sweeping her leg, and throwing her off balance, then he twisted her into a grapple on the ground. Yoshino laughed as she easily reversed the grip and pulled her legs around Shikaku’s neck before holding his arms behind him.

“Maybe I should tie you up next?” she said, voice almost too sultry to mean anything else.

“Only if you can,” Shikaku countered as his clone disappeared and Yoshino fell to the ground looking up in shock to see her real husband having been idle behind her. Before she could blink an eye, he had her form locked under his, and he ripped off the rope holding the blinds before tying her hands to her feet. Shikaku grinned in victory, but he should have known he wasn’t the one winning in this situation because his wife looked up at him with lustful _knowing_ eyes and he realised she’d just goaded him into fulfilling her desires.

“Oh, you clever troublesome woman,” he chuckled.

“Well, it’s good to know you can get creative with these rope positions,” she smiled slyly. “Want to see what other ways my body can bend? Hmm?”

Shikaku licked his lips. Did he ever.

* * *

Yoshino had infinite stamina, and Shikaku honestly just wanted to rest, but he’d been played like a fiddle, and he had to admit his wife knew how to get what she wanted from him. It was honestly as respectable as it was scary. He was more than certain that if he had married any other woman, they would have had a hard time getting him to please them at all. Yoshino was smart though, and he appreciated that more than anything. He also appreciated that she wrote him the most flowery letter possible to send to the Daimyo that morning, kissing him passionately before she told him she’d write more if they continued. Unfortunately for Shikaku he had work, and he needed to remind his wife that she had Clan duties as well as work to do in the Intelligence department. She reluctantly let him go, but not without letting him know they were going to continue this later.

He decided to take a trip to the Kaguya boys. He walked over to their little house, where once Hina had run around worked to the bone. Instead there were two little boys now, white hair in a frazzle as they laughed and played. They turned to him, and their smiled widened considerably, eyes lighting up in joy as they laughed and bounded into his arms. Shikaku laughed freely too. Children had a way of overpowering you with their innocence and good nature. He hadn’t remembered feeling this way about Hina, although she had been odd even back then.

“Shi-san! Look I learnt how to trip Kim-chan!” Kota shouted excitedly.

Shikaku watched as the boy tripped his quieter twin who landed on his butt. Shikaku paused for a second as Kimimaro looked up wide eyed in disbelief before the pain set in and he cried. Hearing the sound, Hanami limped her way out and hit Kota over his head with her walking stick before picking up his crying brother. Shikaku shook his head in amusement as Kota just grumbled. Most other children would be crying too, but the little brat had a hard head, literally and metaphorically. He was also the natural troublemaker of the two.

“You know you shouldn’t do that unless you’re both on mats!” Hanami scolded.

“Meanie!”

Kota ran away and Hanami puffed up her cheeks irritated before letting it all out in a breathy grumble of her own. She looked beyond stressed. Kimimaro seemed to pick it up and held her cheeks with his stubby hands placatingly and the woman visibly deflated.

“Having trouble with the kids?” Shikaku asked sympathetically.

“Kota really tests my patience. Hina was such an obedient child… I shouldn’t have taken her for granted,” Hanami said, before she turned to Kimimaro and smiled. “And this little gaki is rather well behaved too. Now if only your brother could have some sense knocked into him.”

“I’ll take him off your hands for a bit,” Shikaku said, angling his arms out prematurely.

“Really?” Hanami asked, jerking forward a little startled, before hastily passing the child over before he changed his mind.

“I’m sure Kota-kun is off somewhere crying. I’ll leave you to the messy work while I still have the chance,” Shikaku said, his mouth betraying at it pulled upward in amusement.

Shikaku reconsidered having a child when Hanami’s expression turned irritated again the moment, she hobbled off to finding the boy. He was half certain that his own child would be just as troublesome… but when he looked down at Kimimaro’s big red eyes he reconsidered again.

“We’ll get something sweet to eat. That always helps the pain,” Shikaku said, smiling.

“Chocolate?” Kimimaro asked, eyes widening.

“Yes, chocolate.”

The boy cutely kept still and silent, only ever making small comments on things he didn’t understand, like ‘what was that man smoking’ or ‘why is the sky blue’… you know just general questions. Shikaku was glad for once to have been asked questions he could actually answer… although he wasn’t too sure about the science of why the sky was blue. It didn’t matter anyway, not when Kimimaro just took his words for things.

“Here we are,” Shikaku mumbled as he put the boy down on a highchair by the table held up his hand. The store owner grinned his way, not really needing to come his way before he served up his favourite triple decker rainbow ice-cream blitz.

“And what would the young man like?”

“What Shi-san got!”

“Are you sure?” Shikaku asked, giving the boy a curious look. “Ok just get him a one serving chocolate ice-cream. In a cone.”

Shikaku was certain that he made the right decision in taking Kimimaro with him, because the boy was incredibly silent as he ate his ice-cream, but the silence was calming more than it was awkward and tense. It was perfect… until a strike of green caught his eye in the corner, and he sighed.

“Why are you hiding Hina?” he asked.

Said girl poked her head out of the indoor plant, the dirt falling from her head as the fern lolled over her head like it was just an extension of her body. A lopsided smile took her face before her eyes widened in shock as the door behind him burst open. Like a plant creature about to hibernate, she shot back into the pot leaving her invisible again. Shikaku turned around to see Might Guy stumble into the store, face red, armed head to toe in weighted belts. He looked like a Genin’s nightmare imitation of a wrapped present. The oddity of the situation made his brain go blank, and Shikaku took to eating a spoon full of ice-cream and ignoring it to maintain his sanity.

“Sorry to interrupt your fine establishment! But an EXTREMELY YOUTHFUL, VERY B-B-BEAUTIFUL friend of mine was said to have come this way! I was told she had something to show me!”

The store owner gave the little Shinobi an irritated expression, as did the rest of the customers who glowered his way for ruining their peace, but Guy simply didn’t seem to notice. Instead he looked expectantly at the store owner who was trying his best, and failing, not to look at the potted plant. Shikaku turned to see Hina shaking her head vigorously at the man, who turned back to the boy, sighed, and shook his head.

“No one’s here kid. Now scram and don’t ruin the peace!”

“MY APOLOGIES!”

With that Guy ran out of the store and Hina emerged from the pot, picking up the plant on her head as she lopped her legs over the pot and placed it back in there, with a nervous look to the store owner. He pointed to the most expensive item on the menu with a searing glower and she chuckled tightly before handing over the money quickly. Shikaku gestured her over and she nodded, dusting the dirt of her head before making her way over to him.

“Hey Shikaku-san,” she greeted sheepishly.

Her smile was quickly wiped away when she saw the boy sitting to the other side of him. Shikaku turned to see Kimimaro looking wide-eyed at Hina and the girl seemed stuck into place.

“This is Hina-san. She’s the one who helped you escape Kiri,” Shikaku introduced.

“I know,” the boy said, his voice barely carrying over a whisper as he went back to eat his chocolate ice-cream silently.

“Want to tell me what all that was about?” Shikaku asked, hoping to drive the conversation to somewhere a little less awkward for everyone, although it seemed Hina found this particular conversation just as mortifying if her red cheeks were anything to go by.

“G-Guy um… he… he _admires_ me,” she squeaked, eyes looking anywhere but at him. “But yeah, Anko thought it would be funny to tell him I’d prepared the most epic present for him… and I think he thinks it’s training. But you know Guy—if it’s _that_ epic, it’ll probably mean my limbs won’t work for another two weeks.”

“You’re rambling,” Shikaku snorted, holding back his amusement. “But that’s never stopped you before.”

“I have things to do,” Hina grumbled as she took a seat next to him, and turned to give the store owner a sheepish smile as he handed her an ice-cream with a glare.

“What things exactly? I seem to recall signing you up for R&D for a month. It isn’t that busy of a job,” Shikaku asked, narrowing his eyes at her.

Hina seemed to pause, looking up like a deer caught in headlights. She licked her ice-cream and muttered something under her breath.

“Well you know, just talking to some people.” Shikaku raised a brow and she broke, giving him one long scrutinising look before she continued. “Ok, ok, I was just doing some networking. I’ll have you know, trying to get a hearing with the Daimyo isn’t an easy task.”

Shikaku had to hold back his surprise, not that he knew why he should be surprised in the first place. He made an effort to take better note of his surroundings, dropping his wallet, to turn around and get a better view of the place before he sat back in his seat satisfied. No one was watching or listening… but he felt the need to be careful anyway.

“Just some legal advice here, but it’s against the law to summon the _Daimyo_ himself unless you’re an official in some capacity. He doesn’t simply come to the whims of a child.”

“Well I wouldn’t expect him to,” Hina said rolling her eyes in her usual snarky way. “He’s coming anyway to help elect the new Hokage. I’m simply… diverting his attention for a little while when he’s here.”

He put down his spoon and felt her hands inch up defensively to her side when he next turned to her. Shikaku fixed his growing frown into something more neutral.

“You are walking into dangerous waters Hina. It’s not a request when I tell you to stop, now it’s an order,” he said.

She replied with the same defiant frown on her face, slitted eyes narrowing like an agitated wild animal, and hair ruffling slightly with wind chakra as her jaw set firmly on her face. When she realised she had broken the cone in her hand she was holding, she pulled back. She made to speak and held her tongue for a moment, her breathing taking a more even tone as she seemed to gain her bearings again.

“Sit down, listen, and obey. I’ve been told those things before Shikaku-san. You know where it got me?” she asked, wiping her hand on tissue paper. “It got my parents killed, and a teammate _dead_. I assure you, I have full understanding of what is and isn’t in my rights to do.”

“You have someone aiding you? It’s the Chinsei family isn’t it?” he asked.

“Yes, they have a legal team, and what we’re doing is mutually beneficial for the both of us. Purely business,” Hina said evenly as she got up and turned to Shikaku. “And this _isn’t_ Shinobi business, so I know full well you have no right to tell me what to do here.”

“Careful Hina, you don’t have as many rights as you seem to think you do,” Shikaku said stiffly.

It needed to be said, as a warning if nothing else. She was reckless, bounding forward and meddling into things that could easily find her dead. There were more people involved in electing a Hokage than she knew of. Still, he snapped out of his anger when Kimimaro held his shirt, bright red eyes searching his as if to find out why he had wound himself so tightly. It took a second later for Shikaku to realise he was just as defensive as Hina was right now. There was a sudden edge in her eyes, one he had seen on other Shinobi in the middle of battle. In that moment he was the enemy and that had never been his intention.

“That’s been made clear already,” she said in sudden bitterness.

And for a girl whose consent had never mattered when it came down to it, his warning may as well have reinforced the way she viewed Konoha. He sighed, wondering why she’d come now when he was on edge, and trying to take a break from this very thing. He didn’t want to be the cause for a future traitor.

“Hina—it wasn’t meant that way. You know it as well as I do. Not everyone has your best interests at heart. Keep your head down. You’ve just come out of a mess that will still follow you for a while… if you jump into another, it could end very badly.”

“It _will_ eventually either way, but this time I’ll be making my own choices, and I won’t fail,” she said getting out of her chair, and sending him one last withering look before she strode out of the establishment, closing the door loudly behind her.

“She’s always angry, just like Kota,” Kimimaro said.

“Sometimes people who’re scared get angry and they lash out,” Shikaku said, turning back to his now mostly melted ice-cream.

“Is that why Kota’s always angry at Hanami-chan… because he’s scared of her?” Kimimaro asked.

“She is scary,” Shikaku chuckled.

But really, it was because on some level Kota knew that they weren’t saved, not truly, and not in the way that mattered. He was right to be scared. It was the people who weren’t that lived quietly, happily, and ignorantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s the story of how Shikamaru was conceived :P I don’t know why but when I started writing Yoshino, she just came of as playful and bold, and the kind of wife that will force her husband to have some fun once in a while XD God knows Shikaku needs a woman who initiates.  
> Also this and the next chapter were so incredibly hard for me to write. Don’t get me wrong, I love writing politics, but it’s just not something I’m very good at. It usually just involves me trying to navigate the minds of a bunch of smart old men, and that makes my brain go smooth. I’m so out of my depth here. But if Brandon Sanderson, a 40-year-old man, can write the most relatable teenage female protagonist I’ve ever read, then it’s only fair that I try my best to nail down old men XD


	9. Nara Shikaku 2

Snap Back To Reality 61

* * *

Nara Shikaku Part 2

* * *

The Uchiha Clan was a foreboding prophecy in the making, a Clan with an ancient and terrible heritage. At times Shikaku was more than a little grateful for being a Nara. So often positions of power were a curse, especially if it came with a history of bloodshed. While the Nara had been a prominent part of Konoha’s heritage, they had not nearly been stippled with the same controversy that the Senju and Uchiha had built themselves upon. Safety was a precarious position, one in which the individual balanced on a thin rope with power on one end, and mediocrity on the other, a safe middle ground… an unyielding hold on the status quo. When Shikaku looked at Fugaku, he saw a knife against his thin rope, the rope that his Clan balanced on every day.

“The best things are the riskiest to pursue,” he said, leaning forward to put the hot tea back on its coaster. He hated the way its warmth seemed to leave his hands empty against the cold winter air.

“Forgive me if I find this sudden interest in Uchiha affairs to be suspicious,” Fugaku replied, burying both his hands into his kimono sleeves.

He was stiff and unmovable like the rocks in the backdrop of his traditional garden. While Shikaku loved his rock garden, it was accented with red maples, and a pond surrounded by carpeted plants and filled with live koi. In contrast the landscape behind him was purely utilitarian, easy to maintain, and hard in its beauty. Fugaku was much like his garden. Shikaku knew this to be a fact. But even the hardest of things had to budge and inch when a determined Nara was at its doorstep. He would make Fugaku budge.

“I’ve always had an interest on who took the Hokage position.”

Fugaku did not look convinced. “I’ve heard nothing of the sort. In fact word is that you distance yourself from officials and politicking. Why come here today if not for some personal goal?”

“It is for a personal goal, and that is to put you in power. A little vegetable gremlin has no doubt made her way here before I did, but it’s not simply her point. I’m sure you’ve felt something amiss in the latter events of the war. Whether that is Danzo’s play or some third-party aggressor, Konoha is just as much a victim of its hand as Iwa and Kumo is. Now I’m sure no one want’s Orochimaru as Hokage, and while I trust Minato would be a show of power to the other Villages, I feel like we’ll be making a grave long-term decision with him,” Shikaku explained.

Fugaku looked troubled, which he very well should be. A conversation with the Jounin Commander about implications that someone had intentionally escalated the war was no light conversation. In fact Shikaku had refrained from voicing these concerns to Hiruzen, as traitorous as that felt. He had lost some of his faith in Hiruzen’s character, not that he often put faith in anyone’s character. For a while it seemed he could only do so for the Hokage, but after his findings on ROOT, he found it hard to truly trust Hiruzen.

“And what makes you think I will be any better?” Fugaku asked, challenge in his eyes.

“Give Minato three years to study and he will be the better choice,” Shikaku said, unwilling to lie. Fugaku above all responded best to straight forward honesty. “But we don’t have three years. Something’s telling me that the war is simply a precursor to a bigger problem.”

“As is all wars, the cumulation to the next,” Fugaku countered.

“No, not a war,” Shikaku said sardonically as he shook his head. “No this is much more insidious. Or maybe it was an internal threat I haven’t weeded out yet, or maybe it was even Danzo, but I feel like it isn’t just one of those things. In wars you fight a clear enemy, but the ones you miss are the ones who win.”

“And Konoha has missed one?” Fugaku asked. “Better yet it knows the snake, even where it’s den is, and it has done nothing to root it out.”

“I’ve been keeping a close eye on Orochimaru, but he isn’t this unknown threat. As far as threats go he’s rather conspicuous,” Shikaku said, shaking his head with a frown.

“And this other threat? It seems like pure speculation at this stage. You’ve given me nothing concrete to go of,” Fugaku replied, a hint of impatience taking his tone.

Shikaku sighed as he pulled out a folder and handed it to the man. Even if Fugaku didn’t end up becoming the Hokage, Shikaku thought it would be best to keep him close. The Uchiha and the Hyuuga had become too proud and separate from the Village for his tastes. They held themselves apart from the mingling that other Clans partook in. Whether that be because of their threatened Kekkai Genkai or some other social factors, didn’t change the fact that some change needed to happen. Shikaku felt the pull of his desire, urging him back into the safety of the status quo, but he needed to fight it.

“It’s thick.” Fugaku frowned.

Shikaku scoffed. “Welcome to the world of desk Shinobi. This file is for your viewing pleasure. I trust you’ll keep it hidden.”

Fugaku put it away and smiled for the first time. “Finally a show of some real trust. You really have become a politician.”

“Careful Fugaku-san, or I might just vote for Minato,” Shikaku said, unable to hide the twitch in his eye.

Fugaku barked a laugh and leant forward. “I assume you’ve got a plan to weed out this elusive threat? Jiraiya perhaps?”

“No, Orochimaru actually,” Shikaku said, revelling for a moment at Fugaku’s shock. “Whoever is doing this would require strong Shinobi, or multiple of them, and has already gathered a few from what I’d gathered. The escalation in the war didn’t help Kumo, Iwa or Konoha, so we can plausibly cut out any overtly Nationalist Shinobi. That means it’s a high possibility that there’s a group out there that has funding from a rich company, or has a means of supplying themselves with money enough to hire these S Class Shinobi.”

“And you think they would contact Orochimaru?” Fugaku asked.

“Even S Class nuke-nin will need allies. It would only make sense that they form units for protection,” Shikaku replied.

“I’m impressed by your foresight,” Fugaku said, in a rare moment of sincere awe.

“Don’t thank me. If it wasn’t for Hina, we wouldn’t be here right now. Her trip to Kiri was what led to this. It was the first case I looked into. Neither I nor Danzo were the ones who escalated the tensions there. Danzo simply decided to capitalise off it,” Shikaku said.

“It could have been Iwa or Kumo,” Fugaku countered.

“It wasn’t. Whoever had done this had intimate knowledge of Konoha’s internal working. The information they gave to Kiri was something only two people knew of, and that was me and the Hokage,” Shikaku said after a long pause.

He hadn’t wanted to disclose that bit of information, but he figured he was past playing things safe. This would no doubt ruffle some feathers, especially Homura and Koharu’s. But it was already too late to worry about that. Shikaku had made his choice. Between a potential term of political unrest or a long-term threat that could take them down, he would chose a short term of political unrest. Plus if everything went right, then maybe there wouldn’t be a need for unrest in the first place.

Shikaku stood up and decided he’d done all he really could with Fugaku for now. “I’m going to take my leave now. Think over what I’ve told you. If we work together in the future, I’d like for you to take what I’ve said into account.”

“I will,” Fugaku nodded as he got up and showed his guest the way out.

Shikaku wondered for the hundredth time if he was in fact, doing the right thing.

* * *

There seemed before him a horde of faceless men, women and children, all bones and crushed spirits. It followed behind him unrelenting in its accusation and terrible in its painful, ever present gaze. It whispered shame into his ears, and promised condemnation. Those bony hands clasped at him from all angles, forcing him down with its crushing weight. He didn't scream, or make any sound, but he pushed against it regardless, grasping at whatever he could with all his might at all times, to push himself forward even just an inch.

And then the pressure of it all would disappear, he would wake up, and above him would be the sky and beneath him the earth. And whatever hellish expanse he had visited would linger in his mind, yet remain intangible in the physical. Even still he didn't scream, or cry, or sweat from exertion as the dream repeated each night. Instead he would wake up breath caught in his throat, looking up at a ceiling all too familiar, silent, and unmoving as if someone had locked his limbs together with chakra wire. Then slowly he would untangle himself from the dread that held firmly onto him, get up, and then get on with the day.

But Shikaku knew. He knew what madness looked like. It was to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results. It was what he had done every day. What every Shinobi did. The ones who enjoyed the death, who lived to kill, they weren't mad. No, they were the sanest Shinobi around. It was men like him who dipped their feet into insanity every day. Men who cared.

"Are you ok?" Yoshino asked.

She was always too perceptive. Too strong. Shikaku felt like he needed to compensate for her strength, to be equal to that in some way. He was Jounin commander, but in truth his wife could beat him in combat. It wasn't that he couldn't win against her eventually. It was the simple matter of fact that she went on more on field missions, had more time to train, and therefore had surpassed him years ago, while he had spent his time sharpening his mind into a deadly weapon. It was why he couldn't be weak. Not even the littlest bit weary. Without his mind what was he? A madman?

"Are you ok?" she repeated.

"I'm alright," he said, brushing his hair back and smiling at her. "Just have a feeling today's going to be more troublesome than its worth."

"A whole day discussing succession rites and then having a stuffy formal dinner with fat old men... can't see why that wouldn't be fun," she said, a snort escaping her lips.

Shikaku barked a laugh. Yoshino grimaced, no doubt thinking about her work in the intelligence department. Apparently they were doing the same thing today.

"Tonight, I'll bring home a tub of Chozo's homemade ice-cream," he promised.

"Only if you can manage to get that Akimichi to not eat the whole thing during a taste test," she said.

They both took a moment to laugh a little before the day inevitably had to move on. Shikaku had honestly done all that he could. He had talked to Hiruzen, to Fugaku and even to some of the Clan Heads. He had no doubt that Hina, the meddlesome child that she was, had already covered most of the other bases. Homura and Koharu probably wouldn't matter in the long run. Shikaku had a feeling that if Fugaku became Hokage, he would do away with their council within a year, or at least limit their power until it became nothing but a title. Shikaku couldn't wait for that. Even if Minato got the title today, it wouldn't change the fact that Shikaku would put his neck on the line to advice electing a new council.

After putting on his flak jacket, and for once leaving his deer skins behind, Shikaku made the trek to work. The scenery he passed by had become almost a part of him. The houses with its red terracotta tiles, the lines of shops down the bottom proudly representing the families who lived in the houses connected above it, the laughing sounds of children running to the park and the academy down this route. It brought him peace. So it was with a calmer mind that he entered the Hokage tower and walked up to the conference room, which had been reorganised to look formal and rich. The council was already there along with the Hokage, talking amongst each other at the back corner.

It was in moments like this that he was reminded that Hiruzen knew this man and woman for longer than Shikaku was alive. They had been his teammates, and friends who had risked their lives for him in war as children. A bond like that couldn't so easily be broken. Shikaku faltered for a moment, wondering if maybe things indeed would go wrong. Hiruzen had proved time and again that sentiment won over any reasonable action he should take. What if he voted in Orochimaru in behest of his Council's vote? It hit him that he shouldn't have even thought this way in the first place. He should have faith, but in this moment it had been lost to him.

"The Jounin Commander finally graces us with his presence," Koharu said, pushing her hands into her kimono and sending him a disapproving look.

Shikaku took pleasure in slouching further, yawning and then making his way towards his seat at the table. Once again, only Hiruzen it seemed had any sense of humour.

"We should stand before the Daimyo takes his seat," Homura said, pointing a look at him.

"No need for all the formality! It's such a bore!"

The voice that rung out from the door was cheerful and scratchy. Shikaku smiled as he watched Homura try and hold back a glower. It was no secret that the stoic man didn't quite like the Daimyo. Shikaku liked the man well enough. He was relatively stupid, which helped when it came to dealing with the noble clans of the Fire Country. But he wasn't the irritating sort of stupid either. He was simply a man who enjoyed life... a little too much if Shikaku was being honest.

The Daimyo strode up to his seat, robes bellowing behind him all over the place, only holding a semblance of nobility because of the servant girls struggling to keep his trail in place. He fixed the too large fan like hat on his head and plopped himself down on his seat with all the grace of a walrus. Shikaku sent the lord a smile to which he was returned one of double the intensity.

"No need to be so stuffy. Sit down! Sit down! Today's a time for change, renewal, progress and I'm greeted with an atmosphere that looks almost like a funeral!"

Hiruzen smiled in a more docile manner than Shikaku had, but he took his seat to the right end of the Daimyo who sat at the head of the table. Shikaku knew that Hiruzen actually quite liked the Daimyo as a person, although to this day could not place the man's views on him as thelord of Fire Country.

"Shikaku was telling me to bring more sake. Maybe I should have listened," Hiruzen joked.

Homura and Koharu took their seats silently and the door opened to reveal the last member to sit for the council: the ANBU captain. He gave a quick bow before silently taking his seat next to Shikaku. The Daimyo looked mildly terrified of the short man with the tiger mask on, but quickly laughed away his nervousness with a flutter of the fan in his hand and a quick drink. Even the most esteemed of nobles had their superstitions about ANBU.

"Shall we get to the matter at hand?" Hiruzen asked before looking at the Daimyo's servant girls.

They bowed quickly and scurried out of the room, leaving only his personal security detail by the door. Shikaku took the tea on his desk gingerly. He couldn't wait for this day to end already.

“Today I intend to step down and elect the future Hokage of the Village Hidden in Leaves,” the Sandaime announced.

“It’s such a pity. And you were doing such a fine job,” the Daimyo lamented.

“Unfortunately I have made too many dire mistakes to take credit for my tenure,” Hiruzen said, shaking his head. “The council and I have made a list of candidates we wished to discuss today.”

Hiruzen handed over the document to the Daimyo. The man ‘oohed’ in expectation before taking the scroll and opening it.

“Minato Namikaze, Jounin of Konoha and known by the moniker “The Yellow Flash”. Oh he seems delightfully scary. Hmm let’s see what’s next. Orochimaru of the Sannin! That’s a name I know. A truly terrifying man. Snakes, ugh,” he said, shivering a little at the mention of the animal. “And finally Uchiha Fugaku? The Mad eye Uchiha… seems like you’re playing it risky there. I’m well aware of the historical animosity between the Uchiha and the Senju. Would this cause unrest?”

Shikaku appraised the Daimyo for once. Even though he kept his high-pitched scratchy voice, he still managed to sound mildly intelligible for a moment. Shikaku moved to make his case but was cut off by Koharu.

“My thoughts exactly Daimyo-sama. Appointing Fugaku would be much too dangerous in our current political climate. The Uchiha aren’t viewed favourably by the masses.”

The Daimyo paused for a moment and frowned. “I’ve heard quite the opposite actually. The civilians seem to value the Uchiha Clan’s duties as the police force. I was more worried about the Clan side of dealings.”

"Outside of the Hyuuga, the Uchiha Clan is a highly respected one. As a Clan Head myself I feel the tides shifting. The Uchiha were side-lined by Danzo, a traitor, and to involve them in Konoha's centre will only bring unity," Shikaku said.

He was buttering it up and presenting it like the most beautiful option he could possibly make it. The Daimyo cared about reputation, about appeasing his people, because it was through public opinion that he maintained his head. Maybe his outgoing and dumb persona was in fact the smartest thing this man had ever done. The lords held power, but Shinobi, especially concentrated as they were in a military village, was dangerous business for Daimyo's to navigate. Rock Country's previous Daimyo had an unfortunate accident and was replaced by his more benign and flaccid son. While the Daimyo's held considerable power, they relied on their Shinobi villages, and those villages could take away their power if they should so wish. Only an adherence and respect towards authority and cultural heritage kept the system from entirely shifting.

But the matter of the issue was simple. All he had to do was ensure Orochimaru did not make Hokage. The other two options were infinitely better. Shikaku hoped Hiruzen would shut down the idea for Orochimaru quickly.

"Why not Orochimaru of the Sannin? He has both the title and the lineage. He was the last Sannin to aid during the war and was integral in defeating our enemies," Homura asked.

"Yes, yes, he's a scary man, but that might do the village some good," the Daimyo agreed.

"No." Hiruzen's voice carried across the room and everyone fell silent. Even ANBU captain Tiger turned his head for the first time since he had come. Shikaku caught his Hokage's. Hiruzen tilted his head down in a subtle nod his way, and Shikaku replied with a knowing look. He felt relief in that moment.

"My student may have the strength and the skills, but there is some dark greed that festers in his heart. I will not risk him as the next Hokage. Shikaku is right, we will need a strong successor, one who will make firmer decisions than I ever could. My vote will be with Uchiha Fugaku."

Shikaku was mildly surprised that he hadn't called his vote in for Minato. He assumed the 3rd had a soft spot for he blond. Maybe he was wrong. He wondered for a second if Hina had meddled with the Hokage too. He shook his head and pulled himself back into the present. He needed to keep this momentum going.

"I too will vote for Uchiha Fugaku."

Hiruzen turned his sharp gaze to the Daimyo who jumped in fright in his seat. The man pulled out his fan, practically cowering behind it as he laughed nervously.

"Oh this Fugaku seems like a nice lad. Let's go with him!"

Shikaku held back an amused chuckle. It didn't help that Koharu and Homura looked irritated. Maybe this whole event wasn't so boring. But it was clear where everyone stood... well except for Tiger, who Hiruzen turned to soon after.

"Who will take your vote Tiger?"

The ANBU captain remained silent for a moment as if in silent contemplation.

"I have worked with both Minato-sama and Fugaku-sama. They are incredibly strong Shinobi, however Minato is stronger in combat whilst Fugaku is stronger in strategy. It would depend on the circumstance," he said.

Shikaku shook his head in exasperation and folded his arms. There it was; Tiger's incredible reluctance to make decisions when it came to anything outside of a mission. It was just like the man to sit and choose between vanilla and chocolate ice-cream for an hour. Most of the time he would buy both or choose neither if he could help it. Shikaku knew, after all he was the one who took the recluse out for ice-cream in the first place. He resolved himself to never do it again.

"Tiger-san, we don't have all day unfortunately," Hiruzen said, the same exasperation in his voice that Shikaku felt.

"Well... Minato-sama has established his skills around the nations and his leadership would be a sign of strength, however he is rather inexperienced with politics and what is required of the Hokage position. Meanwhile Fugaku-sama is well versed in politics, and could easily integrate himself into the position-- however he isn't nearly as influential a figure--"

"Tiger-san," Hiruzen cut in.

Despite himself the Hokage smiled in amusement. The normally stoic ANBU Captain seemed infinitely more anxious, if the tapping of his finger on the table said anything. Wait second, was he... playing eeny, meeny, miney, moe?

"I will vote for... Uchiha Fugaku-sama..."

He looked physically pained to get out his final vote. Shikaku wasn't even really sure where it would go from here. There was clearly a majority vote, even though the Daimyo looked like he didn't quite care as long as his position was secured, and the ANBU captain seemed indecisive. In the end it was Hiruzen's call and he and Fugaku would deal with the majority of the fallout of this decision.

The Daimyo snapped his fan shut loudly, catching everyone's attention as he stood up. "Well enough of these boring talks. I was told we were going to celebrate with a feast!"

Shikaku took it back. He wanted to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell how little I knew how to write this chapter XD I legit had no idea where it was going. One of the worst chapters I’ve ever written. And I was stuck on it for ages, hence why it took so long to update. Doesn’t help that my parrot hates me typing, and he rides around on my shoulder like I’m a pirate or something. Never lets me get a word in XD


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